Why Drama Is So Damn Addictive

SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.

SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present, and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, Amazing Ones!

SPEAKER_1: I am so glad that you are here today.

SPEAKER_1: And you know what?

SPEAKER_1: That is true every single week.

SPEAKER_1: I’m so grateful whenever you choose to tune in, because that means that you are curious about what is possible for your own life.

SPEAKER_1: And the more that you boost your own magic, the more that you can spread that magic into the world and create just such a beautiful chain reaction.

SPEAKER_1: And that is an amazing thing!

SPEAKER_1: Thanks for being here again this week.

SPEAKER_1: I want to start off with a little confession.

SPEAKER_1: I’m not a big screen person.

SPEAKER_1: That means I typically spend less than an hour a week on social media.

SPEAKER_1: I usually don’t watch much TV outside of catching the 30-minute national news segment every evening or watching a weekly movie with my husband.

SPEAKER_1: And I never, ever, ever watch news in the morning because I don’t think it’s a great way to kickstart my brain for the day.

SPEAKER_1: But recently, my behavior has started to shift.

SPEAKER_1: I’ve noticed that my screen time has ramped up a little more every day ever since the Presidential Debate.

SPEAKER_1: More importantly, I’m noticing how that change in my behavior is affecting my mindset and how darn tempting it feels to get wrapped up in the drama and let it take center stage of my conversations, my mindset and my life.

SPEAKER_1: It’s really been jarring.
SPEAKER_1: It’s led me to this series of questions that I want to share with you.

SPEAKER_1: Why is it so hard to change the channel or turn off our screens when the news is so unsettling or when we don’t like what we’re seeing?

SPEAKER_1: Why do we look forward to daily updates from that person in our life who always seems to be in crisis mode?

SPEAKER_1: What causes us to rubber neck when we drive slowly past an accident?

SPEAKER_1: Why is it so easy to burn countless hours of our lives, dooms scrolling social media, seeking out confrontation, or watching reality shows where people are crying and yelling inside of the first two minutes?

SPEAKER_1: Why do we give these things so much airtime?

SPEAKER_1: So much of our attention, our energy, when they cause us to feel stressed out, negative and generally super crappy?

SPEAKER_1: Why is drama so damn captivating?

SPEAKER_1: This week we’re going to talk about drama and why it’s so addictive.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to share my own confessions as a recovering drama addict, so that you will know if you are hooked on drama, you are not alone.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll explain how drama affects our bodies, brains and mindsets.

SPEAKER_1: And I will share three things that you can do today to be healthier, happier and navigate drama in a way that doesn’t impact you and make you feel so crappy.

SPEAKER_1: Here we go!
SPEAKER_1: My story goes a little something like this.

SPEAKER_1: I used to be a full on drama addict.
SPEAKER_1: I grew up in the 70s in the South, spun up like cotton candy at the state fair.

SPEAKER_1: And I came by it naturally.
SPEAKER_1: Southerners are known for making super tasty tea and spilling that tea all over the place.

SPEAKER_1: There was always some kind of drama brewing in my wonderfully animated family. We shared our drama liberally with our closest friends.

SPEAKER_1: Insignificant everyday events like an unknown car in a neighbor’s driveway, Gladys politely declining an invitation to play bridge with the girls- being cut off while trying to pull the family’s station wagon into a parking space at the supermarket all became focal points of rich discussion, speculation, and you guessed it, big time drama.

SPEAKER_1: The conversations became more fantastical and distressing with every spin of the story.

SPEAKER_1: As I grew up, I tuned in with both ears. I listened with great excitement to hear how the unknown car in the neighbor’s driveway morphed into a seedy affair, or maybe even an attempted robbery with hostages inside that surely needed to be rescued.

SPEAKER_1: I heard Gladys’ absence turn into a facelift that had likely gone horribly wrong and forced her into hiding.

SPEAKER_1: I tuned in as being cut off at the supermarket transformed into a negative sweeping analysis of the world punctuated by generalized illogical statements.

SPEAKER_1: Like, “Everyone is so rude these days! Just look at what inflation is doing to us!”

SPEAKER_1: Outside of my family, the drama of rising fuel prices, the birth of the internet, world politics, AIDS and John Lennon’s assassination captured our attention and monopolized every conversation that we had.

SPEAKER_1: Drama became a very normal part of my everyday life.

SPEAKER_1: By the time I hit my teenage years, I was a full on fully addicted Drama Queen capable of writing and producing my very own scripts!

SPEAKER_1: Drama fueled my mindset and the group mentality I shared with my family and my friends.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, we were in it! The juicier the drama, the stronger the tea, the better it was.

SPEAKER_1: Drama shaped so much of my identity back then.

SPEAKER_1: It felt meaningful to be included in the drama.

SPEAKER_1: It made me feel like I was in the know and that I belonged.

SPEAKER_1: I became really adept at ‘fixing’ the drama du jour, which made me feel smart, important and deeply valued.

SPEAKER_1: Drama shaped my behavior through my early adulthood.
SPEAKER_1: I dated men who cheated, lied, and regularly freaked out in public.

SPEAKER_1: In college, I made it a habit to write major papers and study for my finals at the very last minute, inflicting incredible stress on myself just to feel the familiar rush of childhood.

SPEAKER_1: My closest friendships were with people who appreciated drama every bit as much as I did.

SPEAKER_1: And I stayed glued to my TV and radio, feeding on every plane crash, severe weather storm, global crisis, and publicly televised court case that I could find.

SPEAKER_1: I drove by accidents and wondered how many people had died.

SPEAKER_1: Drama became my drug.

SPEAKER_1: Stress, rumination, and feeling freaked out became familiar, normal, and weirdly comfortable.

SPEAKER_1: My body and brain craved drama and stress.

SPEAKER_1: I sought out drama and I zeroed in on it like it was my full time job.

SPEAKER_1: ‘Sky is falling’, cycles consume my time, polluted my mindset, and depleted my energy.

SPEAKER_1: I actually looked forward to talking about drama with my family and friends, who were just as spun up and addicted as I was.

SPEAKER_1: You see, we shared a common language and set of behaviors, and we fed our mutual addictions.

SPEAKER_1: I didn’t know that I was addicted to drama until I understood what my brain was doing behind the scenes in mid my 20s.

SPEAKER_1: Good Lord! I can’t even tell you how many waking hours I spent ruminating over drama from the day before or anticipating future drama that could possibly unfold.

SPEAKER_1: My mindset and my focus created a cycle of behavior that took me away from healthy relationships and activities that could have brought me a hell of a lot more joy and more peace in my life.

SPEAKER_1: Drama screwed up my energy, my mood, my mindset, and my sleep.

SPEAKER_1: And I caught myself sliding down that slippery slope again over the last few weeks. I know that I’m not alone and that’s why we’re talking about this today.

SPEAKER_1: We’re all feeling some level of this pull into this drama force field.

SPEAKER_1: 30 years later, I want you to know that I am going back to the well.

SPEAKER_1: I’m practicing all of the things that I learned in my 20s that helped me start breaking my addiction to drama by understanding it.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s what I’ve learned.
SPEAKER_1: Growth is an ongoing process. Amazing Ones, it can be humbling.

SPEAKER_1: I’m paying attention to what’s going on in my mind when I’m engaged in drama, and more importantly, what’s happening in my mind when I’m not.

SPEAKER_1: I’m consciously questioning my drama commentary and dropping it off one thought at a time.

SPEAKER_1: I’m tuning in to how drama makes my body feel, how it’s affecting my sleep, my mood, my energy and my mindset.

SPEAKER_1: And I’m reflecting on all of the brain science I’ve learned up until now that has helped me understand why staying spun up in drama is so damn easy for all of us, no matter how much mindfulness and meditation we’ve practiced.

SPEAKER_1: I’m reminding myself that getting lost in high drama conversations and focusing on drama- filled events is easy because my brain got addicted to the dopamine and cortisol rush caused by the stress of ongoing drama that I learned from the time that I was very young.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s how it works for all of us.
SPEAKER_1: Our brains get addicted to these chemicals, and they change our behavior.

SPEAKER_1: Now, drama is alluring for a number of reasons.

SPEAKER_1: For some people like me, early drama exposure as a child set my stage.

SPEAKER_1: Dysfunction and chaos create their own kind of familiarity.
SPEAKER_1: For other people, drama is habitual.
SPEAKER_1: The stressors of drama create cortisol and dopamine that become addictive, period.

SPEAKER_1: For some, drama fills a void.

SPEAKER_1: And when we’re in a tea-spilling drama Brew Haha, we’re part of a shared experience.

SPEAKER_1: In that experience, drama can give us an identity as victim, fixer, co-conspirator, or savior.

SPEAKER_1: If we’re struggling with low confidence, self-esteem, or wrestling with our identity, that can feel pretty damn validating.

SPEAKER_1: And there’s more science that explains why getting embroiled in drama is so easy.

SPEAKER_1: Drama causes acute and long-term stress that triggers dopamine and cortisol.

SPEAKER_1: Over time, these hormones and neurotransmitters become addictive and lead to more drama-seeking behavior.

SPEAKER_1: Staying engaged in drama with friends, family, co-workers, negative news, reality shows, and doom-scrolling social media maps our brain to cause and effect that creates chemical surges that form a habit, alter our brain, and keep us coming back for more.

SPEAKER_1: Drama negatively impacts our body-brain mindset, relationships, and the entirety of our life when we are that consumed.

SPEAKER_1: We’ve had mainstream conversations for moons about addiction to prescription drugs, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, technology, social media, food, gambling, and even sex.

SPEAKER_1: Drama is just as important because acute and long-term drama creates stress that creates cortisol and dopamine surges that harm our health, our mindset, and our life.

SPEAKER_1: Cortisol causes inflammation.
SPEAKER_1: It affects our brain health.
SPEAKER_1: It decreases cognition, our focus, and our memory.
SPEAKER_1: And it compromises our immune system.
SPEAKER_1: It diminishes the gut microbiome, increases our blood sugar, and it can lead to insomnia.

SPEAKER_1: Dopamine increases emotional reactivity, like aggression and impulsivity.

SPEAKER_1: It gives us the rush of excitement and anticipation that leads us to addiction.

SPEAKER_1: Very Well Health says, “Dopamine’s role in reward and motivation is a key aspect of addiction.”

SPEAKER_1: Reducing drama in our lives helps us to be healthier.
SPEAKER_1: It shifts our focus, our mindset, and our energy, and it actually restores it.

SPEAKER_1: Without the preoccupation of drama, we have more time and energy to invest in inspiring relationships and conversations that enrich our lives, that create possibilities.

SPEAKER_1: We can feel happier. We can feel more rested. We can feel more grounded when drama is swirling all around us, like it is right now.

SPEAKER_1: Drama becomes background noise instead of foreground noise.

SPEAKER_1: And this is important because some level of drama will always be present in our lives. 
SPEAKER_1: It’s a part of life.
SPEAKER_1: But here’s the deal.

SPEAKER_1: You and I can choose how we participate in the drama. SPEAKER_1: Do we ignite it?
SPEAKER_1: Do we spread it?
SPEAKER_1: Do we spill it all over the place?

SPEAKER_1: Or do we sort of observe it, explore what’s possible, change the narrative? SPEAKER_1: We have the power to do any of these things and that’s amazing news.

SPEAKER_1: So, if you’re ready to reduce your levels of drama and stress, I’ve got three tips for you that can help you get started.

SPEAKER_1: Grab your pen, here we go.

SPEAKER_1: Number one. DEVELOP AWARENESS.

SPEAKER_1: Start noticing when you’re engaging in drama that causes you to feel super stressed out.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe it’s talking with a friend who constantly tells you the sky is falling.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe it’s that daily phone call with a family member or colleague who is always complaining about what’s going wrong.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe you’re dooms-scrolling social media or losing hours of your life binge-watching news cycles that loop and loop and loop again.

SPEAKER_1: As you develop awareness, get honest with yourself and ask, what am I gaining from being involved here right now?

SPEAKER_1: What am I losing?

SPEAKER_1: What else could I be doing?

SPEAKER_1: What would happen if I said no or if I simply step away?

SPEAKER_1: Number two. OBSERVE HOW YOU FEEL.

SPEAKER_1: Irritability, distraction, impulsivity and edginess are signs of stress.

SPEAKER_1: Difficulty breathing, concentrating and sleeping are signs of stress.

SPEAKER_1: Tension in your muscles, nausea and headaches are all signs of stress from your body.

SPEAKER_1: Getting in touch with how you’re feeling will help you understand how drama is affecting your body and your mind.

SPEAKER_1: Ask yourself, how is drama making me feel in this moment?
SPEAKER_1: How is it affecting my mood, my sleep and energy?
SPEAKER_1: Start noticing those patterns because you will see them.
SPEAKER_1: And then ask yourself, how is it shaping my mindset and my perspective in this moment?

SPEAKER_1: And number three. GIVE YOURSELF SOME SPACE.

SPEAKER_1: There will always be news and events that cause us to feel stress.  As I mentioned, it’s just part of life.

SPEAKER_1: How we respond to that drama, to that stress is the part that we can control.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s another scientific fact.

SPEAKER_1: It takes 20 to 60 minutes for our bodies to rebound after a surge of stress-inducing cortisol.

SPEAKER_1: 20 to 60 minutes.

SPEAKER_1: Taking space from the stressor will help you get grounded so that you can think more clearly, feel calmer, make supportive choices for yourself and the people around you.

SPEAKER_1: Take some space.
SPEAKER_1: That’s one of those things that many of us don’t do very well.

SPEAKER_1: I think it’s because drama and stress are so pervasive in our lives that a lot of times we don’t even know that we’re in it until we do.

SPEAKER_1: If you follow these three steps, you can start noticing.

SPEAKER_1: Where are you involved?

SPEAKER_1: What kind of conversations are you having?

SPEAKER_1: What kind of behaviors are becoming a pattern for you?

SPEAKER_1: How are those things affecting your body, your health, your mindset, and your life?

SPEAKER_1: Ok. Here are your three takeaways for today.

SPEAKER_1: Number one. Drama is addictive.

SPEAKER_1: Number two. Engaging is a choice.

SPEAKER_1: And number three. You have the power to change your behavior, your brain, and reduce the drama in your life, maybe even break the cycle.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for joining me today.

SPEAKER_1: You are the why for She Grabs The Mic.

SPEAKER_1: Before we scoot, I want you to remember this. SPEAKER_1: There is only one you in this whole big beautiful world!

SPEAKER_1: And in case no one’s told you yet today, that is the thing that makes YOU simply amazing!

SPEAKER_1: Thanks so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: I hope you’ll join me again next Wednesday and the Wednesday after that and the Wednesday after that.

SPEAKER_1: Until then, big love.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.

SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

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SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.