Pawsitively Present: What Dogs Can Teach Us About Mindset And Life

Pawsitively Present: What Dogs Can Teach Us About Mindset And Life

PAWSITIVELY PRESENT: WHAT DOGS CAN TEACH US ABOUT MINDSET AND LIFE 
TRANSCRIPT
 
 SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.
SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, Amazing Ones! I am so happy that you are here today.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you for choosing to show up and be part of this growing global community of women who are saying yes to taming their minds and ruling their worlds.

SPEAKER_1: You are my why for She Grabs The Mic, and I am so very lucky to be here with you and part of this day that you are living.

SPEAKER_1: As we kick off the fun today, I’ve got some questions for you.

SPEAKER_1: When you woke up this morning, what was the first thought that you had?

SPEAKER_1: How about the first emotion that you felt?

SPEAKER_1: What are your thoughts about this day that you are living?

SPEAKER_1: Do you see it as just another day full of to-dos and challenges or as a one-of-a-kind gift that will never happen again?

SPEAKER_1: Too many people I know wake up with their minds spinning.

SPEAKER_1: Before their feet even hit the ground, they’re already feeling stressed out about the past and worried about the future.

SPEAKER_1: And that means that they’re missing the simple truth that today is nothing short of a gift for every single one of us.

SPEAKER_1: On this very day, there is joy to be felt, love to be shared, and possibilities to be realized that will never happen exactly the same way again.

SPEAKER_1: When our mindset is time traveling to the past and the future, we miss the gifts that are here for us right now.

SPEAKER_1: But I’ll tell you who never misses those gifts. Dogs.

SPEAKER_1: This week, we’re talking about what dogs can teach us about mindset and what we can learn from our dogs about infusing our lives with unleashed joy, optimism, love, curiosity, play, and presence.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll share a few choice science-based facts about time, emotions, and brain science that will help you understand why dogs are such powerful human teachers.

SPEAKER_1: And I’ll help you understand what dogs can teach us about mindset.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll share three tips that will help you open your mind and your heart to more curiosity, joy, optimism, and play, and make the most out of every single day you live, even if you don’t have a dog.

SPEAKER_1: Before we dive in to all of them, I want to tell you a story about a very special dog named June Bug.

SPEAKER_1: June Bug is a rock star black lab mix with one of the purest hearts and most positive mindsets I have ever known.

SPEAKER_1: This episode is dedicated to her because our sweet girl is celebrating her 14th revolution around the sun this week, and that is no small thing for a big dog.

SPEAKER_1: Now, of course, we’re hosting a very special birthday dinner with cake and her favorite foods.

SPEAKER_1: And just before she dives in to her feast, I plan to say a few words to toast June Bug and to thank her for all of the ways that she has helped me live better across every single year that we’ve been lucky enough to share together.

SPEAKER_1: Our story goes something like this.

SPEAKER_1: On a very ordinary, hot as hell Saturday in August. I was heading to our local Y for a yoga class.

SPEAKER_1: My mom was visiting that weekend, and she decided to take my son Luke to the Y to shoot hoops while I was getting my zen on.

SPEAKER_1: When we walked in, we immediately spotted something totally unexpected, the puppy bin.

SPEAKER_1: The SPCA, as it turns out, was having an adoption day at the Y that Saturday.

SPEAKER_1: I took one look at that bin, and I knew I was in serious trouble.
SPEAKER_1: I’ve always been a huge softy for animals who need homes.

SPEAKER_1: That morning, I had to mindfully remember a few key facts that would prevent me from taking home a puppy or six.

SPEAKER_1: I knew I was a newly divorced mom.

SPEAKER_1: I lived in an apartment with my young son, and we already had one wonderful big dog named Buster.

SPEAKER_1: I had just recovered from near financial ruin, and I was earning just enough money to cover our human expenses.

SPEAKER_1: Now feeling very resolved, I petted their precious little puppy heads as my son begged to take the cute black and snuggly puppy home with us.

SPEAKER_1: I kissed him, and I said, “Luke, one day we will, but today we can’t.”

SPEAKER_1: When I reunited with my family after class, my mom filled me in on a little deal that she’d made with my son, Luke, who was a month shy of turning 11.

SPEAKER_1: She said, I told Luke that after our errands, we will all drive to the SPCA just before they close today.

SPEAKER_1: And if the cute black puppy is still there, I will pay the adoption fee and give him the puppy for his birthday present.

SPEAKER_1: Ugh! The adoption fee was not the issue.
SPEAKER_1: Luke spent the whole day patiently waiting for the clock to strike 4 p.m.

SPEAKER_1: As promised, we drove across town to the SPCA, and I knew that there was no way that that little puppy would still be there.

SPEAKER_1: When we walked in, he marched up to the desk and he asked about the puppy adoption and the puppy that was in the bin earlier that morning.

SPEAKER_1: The volunteer said, “Yes, it has been a very, very busy day. Most of the puppies have found homes. We only have one left.
A cute little black lab mix that we’ve named June Bug.”

SPEAKER_1: My fate was sealed and I knew it, but little did I know that my life was about to get exponentially richer, even though the time was so far less than optimal.

SPEAKER_1: After two years of chewing baseboards, shoe molding, shoes and too many dog beds to count, sweet June Bug grew up and became one of my greatest mindset teachers, and she still is today.

SPEAKER_1: June Bug’s mindset is infectious.
SPEAKER_1: She is present, optimistic, joyful, playful, loving, and curious.

SPEAKER_1: And as it turns out, when their basic needs are met, this is a natural go-to state of being for most dogs.

SPEAKER_1: They wake up in the morning and meet every day like a brand-new, shiny adventure.

SPEAKER_1: They don’t worry about what happened yesterday or what might happen in the future.

SPEAKER_1: They are right here, right now, living fully in the present.

SPEAKER_1: This is in sharp contrast to the way that so many of us wake up, caught in the swirl of worry, stress, and overwhelm.

SPEAKER_1: And dogs forgive quickly, while we humans tend to hang on to grudges and resentment in our minds.

SPEAKER_1: Dogs love unconditionally.

SPEAKER_1: They express their joy with their tails, their voices, and their actions, running, jumping, and making all sorts of happy vocal sounds for all to experience.

SPEAKER_1: They embrace play.

SPEAKER_1: They rest when they’re tired, and they don’t apologize for it.

SPEAKER_1: Now, I have to wonder, what would be possible for us if we loved like dogs do?

SPEAKER_1: If we played and allowed ourselves to rest more?

SPEAKER_1: If we expressed our joy in our words, body language, actions, without abandon like dogs do?

SPEAKER_1: Now, you may be thinking, “But Cole, dogs don’t have the same kind of life challenges, schedules, or worries that we humans have.”

SPEAKER_1: True. But they also don’t have the opportunities and autonomy that we have to choose how we live, actualize our dreams, or chart the path that we want our lives to take.

SPEAKER_1: The simple truth is this, we can choose to play, rest, and express our love and joy just like they do.

SPEAKER_1: Whether we do it or not comes down to mindset and choice.

SPEAKER_1: Now, maybe the mindset of dogs is different than ours, because somehow they understand the gift of time.

SPEAKER_1: Neil deGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist and author, has a very touching series of podcasts, and in them he says that one day of a dog’s life is equivalent to one week of ours.

SPEAKER_1: I think this is one of the many reasons why dogs greet every minute of their lives with a mindset of joy, optimism, curiosity, love, play, and presence.

SPEAKER_1: I think on some level they just know they won’t be around quite as long.

SPEAKER_1: Their emotional wiring is another big difference when it comes to their mindset.

SPEAKER_1: Stanley Coren, PhD, wrote a fascinating article for Psychology Today where he shared insights on the emotions that dogs feel.

SPEAKER_1: In his article, he made two big points that speak to their minds.

SPEAKER_1: And he wrote, “Dogs have all of the same brain structures and hormones that produce emotions in humans. Number two, dogs have basic emotions like joy, fear, anger, disgust and love. They do not have complex emotions like guilt, pride and shame. The range of emotions dogs and humans feel is different.”

SPEAKER_1: Our emotions evolve and get more complex as we age.

SPEAKER_1: By contrast, the emotional range of a dog peaks when they are very young, which forever keeps them in a similar emotional state as a two and a half year old human child.

SPEAKER_1: Now, as I consider this science, I wonder how our mindset would change if we never developed complex emotions like guilt, pride and shame.

SPEAKER_1: How would the absence of these emotions allow us to be more present, to experience more joy, optimism, curiosity, unconditional love and presence for ourselves and for others?

SPEAKER_1: And if we felt less shame and pride, would we be more able to express ourselves more openly and authentically?

SPEAKER_1: Would we be able to take bigger, bolder chances?

SPEAKER_1: Would we ask for what we need?

SPEAKER_1: How many possibilities could we realize with this type of mindset?

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the short answer.

SPEAKER_1: When our mindset is free of shame, we are less afraid to try, to make mistakes and to fail.

SPEAKER_1: This opens us up to learning, growth and compassion for ourselves and for others.

SPEAKER_1: We’re more able to authentically express who we are and to contribute to the world in the way that only we can.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose to understand the guilt, shame and pride that we feel.

SPEAKER_1: And when we understand what causes these feelings, we can choose what we want to do about them.

SPEAKER_1: We can change our behavior.

SPEAKER_1: We can let them go.

SPEAKER_1: We can create space for empowering emotions that are additive to our mindset and to our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Science has also proven that dogs love and have the capacity to show their love, much like humans.

SPEAKER_1: Takafumi Kikusu, an animal behavior researcher in the School of Veterinary Medicine at Azebu University in Japan, began noticing his dog’s eyes joyfully filling with tears when he came home after being away.

SPEAKER_1: He wrote in a 2022 article that he shared that dogs feel deep love, joy and affection.

SPEAKER_1: And his research findings cited oxytocin as the reason why dogs can actually cry tears of joy.

SPEAKER_1: As a reminder, oxytocin is the maternal bonding hormone, the one that leads us to feel love and connection for our babies.

SPEAKER_1: If humans and dogs share the same love hormone, why aren’t we as willing to express love and joy as freely and openly as our dogs do?

SPEAKER_1: How many times do we come home after being away and miss an opportunity to express our deep love and joy because our minds are time-traveling somewhere else?

SPEAKER_1: How often do we take the people in our lives for granted instead of telling them and expressing to them the love and affection that is in our hearts?

SPEAKER_1: When our mindset is focused in the present, we’re able to feel the range of emotions with more intensity.

SPEAKER_1: When we focus our mindset on the things we love about ourselves, instead of the judgment so many of us hold, we’re able to share that same kind of big love with all of the people in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: When we understand that this present moment is the only one that we really have, our mindset shifts to deep gratitude that leads us to tears of joy.

SPEAKER_1: And when we let go of what was or what might be and allow ourselves to get in touch with everything and everyone that is here for us right here, right now, we, like our dogs, are able to experience deep, unbridled joy.

SPEAKER_1: This is living.

SPEAKER_1: Back to sweet June Bug.

SPEAKER_1: Every day, my girl teaches me that mindset is everything.

SPEAKER_1: And even when it rains, life is a gift meant to be celebrated.

SPEAKER_1: She teaches me that I should never take a meal, a hug, or the people in my life for granted.

SPEAKER_1: That joy is always here for me if I choose to see it.

SPEAKER_1: That I should always say yes to new adventures, even if I don’t know where I’m going.

SPEAKER_1: That I should never wait to chase my dreams, burst with excitement, or express myself authentically.

SPEAKER_1: She reminds me that love is meant to be shared, and that the only time that matters is the minute that is right here in front of me.

SPEAKER_1: I am beyond grateful for Joombug, and for all of the dog teachers I have been lucky enough to have in my life.

SPEAKER_1: We have so much that we can learn from them.

SPEAKER_1: So how do we begin to open up our minds and hearts to more curiosity, joy, love, optimism, playfulness, and presence?

SPEAKER_1: I’ve got three tips to get you started.

SPEAKER_1: Number one, know that you are right here.

SPEAKER_1: When you catch yourself time traveling to the past or to the future, pause, breathe, and assess.

SPEAKER_1: Slow down, take a few breaths, ask yourself, what’s happening right now? What am I thinking? What am I experiencing?
What do I want to experience? How can I shift my mindset to get there?
SPEAKER_1: Number two, seek out joy every single chance that you get.
SPEAKER_1: You can always find evidence of joy even on the toughest and stormiest days.

SPEAKER_1: If you focus your mind on it, you will spot it.
SPEAKER_1: And this is also a really great way to stay present.
SPEAKER_1: You might just be surprised at how much joy there is in this world.
SPEAKER_1: And lastly, number three. Get bold and be you, amazing ones.
SPEAKER_1: Live out loud and let go of who you think you should be.
SPEAKER_1: Express yourself in all of your fantastical, beautiful weirdness that makes you you.

SPEAKER_1: Show up authentically.
SPEAKER_1: Say yes to every chance that you have to share a kind word, your dreams, or to play.

SPEAKER_1: Love unconditionally.
SPEAKER_1: Share kisses.
SPEAKER_1: Jump into the arms of people that you love and let your tears of joy flow.

SPEAKER_1: Because if more of us lived like our dogs, imagine how fabulous our world would be.

SPEAKER_1: You have the power to tame your mind, and that means that you have the power to rule your world and make every single second of your life matter, just like June Bug.

SPEAKER_1: Thanks for being here today.

SPEAKER_1: If you have a story to share about a dog that’s made you a better human, I would love to hear it.

SPEAKER_1: Send me an email with a picture of you and your pooch to cole@colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: And if you’re ready to get out of this world, tame your mindset, and rule your world, head to the contact form on my website, colebakerbagwell.com, and send me a note.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s find out what’s possible for you together.
SPEAKER_1: Before I scoot today, remember this.
SPEAKER_1: There’s only one you.
SPEAKER_1: And in case no one’s told you yet today, that is what makes you amazing!

SPEAKER_1: Big love!

SPEAKER_1: I’ll see you next week.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.

SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

Overcoming Adversity and Living Your Dreams With Tamaira Sandifer

Overcoming Adversity and Living Your Dreams With Tamaira Sandifer

OVERCOMING ADVERSITY AND LIVING YOUR DREAMS
TRANSCRIPT
 SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.
SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Hello, Amazing Ones! Welcome to She Grabs The Mic!

SPEAKER_1: I am so glad that you’re here, because that means that you have made a mindful choice today to hit the big red pause button on everything else that’s happening and set aside time just for you.

SPEAKER_1: Time to get inspired, time to learn, to grow with this community of women from around the world!

SPEAKER_1: And I have got a super inspiring conversation for you this week.

SPEAKER_1: Today we’re talking about overcoming adversity and weaving your dreams.

SPEAKER_1: We are joined by a wildly accomplished and purpose-led woman with an incredibly inspiring story that I am certain is going to stick with you for a super long time.

SPEAKER_1: I am pleased and so very proud to introduce you to Tamaira Sandifer, known to the world as Miss Tee.

SPEAKER_1: Now, this woman is not your average entrepreneur. She is an award-winning leader and she’s a visionary. She is impacting the lives of over 800,000 youth!

SPEAKER_1: Yes, you heard me, 800,000 youth nationwide through her groundbreaking organization, Studio T Arts and Entertainment.

SPEAKER_1: With a mission to instill hope and real-life skills in underserved communities, Miss Tee’s dedication has earned her recognition as a Forbes Culture 50 Champion and Woman of the Year by the California Legislative Women’s Caucus.

SPEAKER_1: Join me as we delve into her story from developing Hollywood’s most sought after dancers to spearheading a national expansion that promises to empower the next generation of change makers.

SPEAKER_1: This woman is here with us today to share her She Grabs The Mic story about the internal shift that propelled her to break the cycle of poverty and trauma that she experienced as a child to uplifting so many amazing kids through the arts.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome Miss Tee.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_2: Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_2: Wow, that was inspiring to listen to.

SPEAKER_1: I know! I was kidding with your publicist earlier and I said, “I’m going to have to take 20 breaths before I introduce this woman! She has a heck of a background and so much going on.”

SPEAKER_1: Thank you for coming around today.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, my absolute pleasure. Thank you for inviting me.

SPEAKER_1: I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time, actually. I’m really thrilled that you’re here.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you.
SPEAKER_1: You’re welcome.

SPEAKER_1: Before we dive into your incredible story, I have a question for you that’s a bit of an aside.

SPEAKER_1: Where in the world do you find the energy for everything that you have going on in your life?

SPEAKER_2: Well, I think you can find energy for anything that you are extremely impassioned by.

SPEAKER_2: I think that most often, when you love it, you’re willing to pay the price of no sleep, pay the price of hit the ground running.

SPEAKER_2: So I think that that’s just a thing that I’ve always done just because I believe in what I’m doing and who I’m doing it for.

SPEAKER_1: I hear passion. I hear just this thing that lights you up, gets you out of bed every morning.

SPEAKER_1: There will be women who will listen to this conversation today, so I just want to go ahead and put it into the front ground, who will wonder what does this woman do in the morning?

SPEAKER_1: How does she replenish her energy during the day?

SPEAKER_1: Why don’t we just give them a few Miss Tee-isms about how you meet your days, even though the passion is there.

SPEAKER_1: You’ve got so much happening. It has to be exhausting at times, right?

SPEAKER_2: Yeah, at times, but not for long.

SPEAKER_2: And I greet my day with gratitude.

SPEAKER_2: I get to wake up, I get to live this life.

SPEAKER_2: And I’m a huge fan of studying the Bible.

SPEAKER_2: That’s one of the first things I do. It’s always something that really charges me up because it helps me to know and understand that there’s something bigger and stronger out there with me and for me.

SPEAKER_2: And that’s always very encouraging. But first things first is thank you. Thank you that I get to wake up today. I get to live this life.

SPEAKER_2: And I keep that perspective.

SPEAKER_2: Tomorrow is not promised.

SPEAKER_2: Today is not promised to anybody.

SPEAKER_2: Anytime you get to open your eyes and take a deep breath, that’s a gift.

SPEAKER_1: Yes, it is. That’s a huge gift.
SPEAKER_1: Gratitude and connecting with faith.

SPEAKER_2: Absolutely.

SPEAKER_1: Stepping into something that’s bigger than yourself and honoring all of that.

SPEAKER_1: Talk about a grounding practice for mindset.

SPEAKER_1: You know, Miss Tee, when I first heard your story, I was blown away. I had chills just all over my body.

SPEAKER_1: I was so impressed by this fortitude that you’ve had across your life, what you’ve navigated, what you’ve accomplished, and how you’re giving back to the world.

SPEAKER_1: It’s all tremendous.

SPEAKER_1: I’d love for you to share a few highlights of your early years to connect the women who are listening with the gravity of what you’ve transcended to arrive in this place where you are now.

SPEAKER_2: Well, that’s always a fun question for me.

SPEAKER_2: I think most often when I share my upbringing or background, it gives people some layer of empathy for what I went through, but I know what I went through was all preparatory for who I’ve become.

SPEAKER_2: I grew up in the Bay Area, Oakland and Richmond, which are not the best parts of town if you want to accomplish a ton of positive in life.

SPEAKER_2: I mean, it’s riddled with things like the drug wars and gang wars.
SPEAKER_2: And I grew up with my parents in the height of the crack epidemic.
SPEAKER_2: As kids, we were losing our parents to OD and suicide and just extreme poverty.

SPEAKER_2: So, growing up at a very young age, I learned that I was responsible for my siblings.

SPEAKER_2: There were six of us.
SPEAKER_2: My mom was a single parent.
SPEAKER_2: My dad was not with us.

SPEAKER_2: We had to be very creative in not just how to survive the day, but also the basics of the day, like eating and running water and things like that.

SPEAKER_2: And again, I tell people those things and it’s kind of difficult to imagine, but because of what I do today, but really truly growing up when there’s poverty, when you’re fighting for survival every day, those things build, they build things in you.

SPEAKER_2: They build a tenacity to live better, to stay alive, to help your family, to love differently, to show up in people’s lives differently.

SPEAKER_2: I think the core of anything that anyone is seeing by way of success in entrepreneurial form started by being my brother’s keeper, if you will, at the young age of seven, all the way through getting my first job at 11 and being a supplemental provider for my family, bringing in money when we just didn’t have enough, making sure that you get up every day at 4 a.m. and do a paper route in a community where no one could afford the paper, but you’re still faithful to deliver.

SPEAKER_2: Those commitments, character and integrity, core things were built in me growing up the way I did.

SPEAKER_2: And I see a lot of them present themselves on national scale today, but most often I reflect in a way that it used to be painful, but today it’s impactful.

SPEAKER_2: I think of how so many people are experiencing traumatic experiences, but it causes them to self-medicate or hurt themselves or take their own lives where it did something different for me.

SPEAKER_2: The trauma built a tenacity to triumph and help other people triumph, even though they’re going through hard things.

SPEAKER_2: Growing up and having the past, like I didn’t have a dance class, I didn’t have equipment, I didn’t learn how to do videos, all of that stuff came as a result of wanting a better life and wanting to help other people have a better life.

SPEAKER_2: Growing up in a difficult and traumatic way, if used as a reference to help people have better, it could be one of the most powerful things that you have in your arsenal to help, not only yourself and your family succeed, but others succeed.

SPEAKER_1: That’s incredible.

SPEAKER_1: I hear, it was tough.

SPEAKER_1: It was tough for you growing up, but this internal, something that was intrinsic to you and you mentioned several times transformed you and it became fuel for you.

SPEAKER_2: 100%.

SPEAKER_1: We have a lot of care for children these days, Miss Tee, some of them would have no idea how to deliver a paper route.

SPEAKER_1: In that environment that you experienced in your early days, where did you find support and strength outside of yourself or did it all come from within you to be able to just triumph and lead with that tenacity that you’ve been describing?

SPEAKER_2: Well, I think that, you know, I grew up, I’m black.
SPEAKER_2: I’m right in the middle of six children, five girls, and then my brothers last.

SPEAKER_2: I watched my sisters have to be moms at a young age because our mom was always gone or we were always left at someone’s house.

SPEAKER_2: I always had examples of fighting forward.

SPEAKER_2: I was really, really blessed with teachers who could see me.

SPEAKER_2: And that’s a thing, you know, with kids that go through trauma is sometimes it’s easy to hide those things.

SPEAKER_2: But I had, you know, a couple of teachers, Miss Romo and Miss Jones. I’ll never forget them for as long as I live.
SPEAKER_2: But they could see that we, you know, we were, it was difficult where we lived.

SPEAKER_2: And, you know, what we were going through at home.

SPEAKER_2: So they were always super intentional, not so much highlighting the difficulty, but celebrating the gifts and talents and forcing, you know, me into it.

SPEAKER_2: My skills and reading and imagination and the love of education.

SPEAKER_2: So, I’ve been very, very blessed with just people, you know, merging on my path for a season to just help me keep me on a path.

SPEAKER_2: And it wasn’t people that could do the work for me, but it was people that could encourage me while I was doing the work to be better and to have better.

SPEAKER_1: That is an absolute gift to have these people in your life that saw something in you.

SPEAKER_1: And I imagine that that would have transformed your mindset.

SPEAKER_1: So let’s talk about the power of mindset and this intrinsic drive that you had.

SPEAKER_1: That in and of itself is incredible.

SPEAKER_1: I talk to women all the time who say, “Well, this is the hand that I was dealt.”

SPEAKER_1: And I say, “Yes and what do you want to do with that hand?”
SPEAKER_2: You play a badass game of poker with it, baby!

SPEAKER_1: That is exactly what you did.
SPEAKER_1: You played a badass game of poker.
SPEAKER_1: Where did mindset become one of those transformational elements for you then and now?

SPEAKER_2: Every day.
SPEAKER_2: Every day.

SPEAKER_2: For example, when you’re 10 years old and you’re waking up having your bowl of cornflakes, but you have to pick the cockroaches out of it and there is no milk, so you have to put water in it and forget about having sugar or anything good like that.

SPEAKER_2: You have to change your mind in that, wow, this is really horrible, into, man, I get to have a meal this morning.

SPEAKER_2: So perspective is everything all the time.

SPEAKER_2: What you think is exactly what you have.

SPEAKER_1: Yes.

SPEAKER_2: And the idea that you have the capacity to stretch, what you think, what you see, what you have, what you focus on.

SPEAKER_2: I don’t know that I could put my finger on exactly what would cause that to develop in me.

SPEAKER_2: I just knew that how I was living is not how I would live my life.

SPEAKER_2: And how my parents kind of evolved into themselves is not who I would evolve into.

SPEAKER_2: The people that were in the community that I was growing up in, that is not where I land.

SPEAKER_2: And so I always knew that there’s something, something powerful and I always was very optimistic about being at the bottom.

SPEAKER_2: There’s only one way to go from there.

SPEAKER_2: And then how high you go from there is 100% up to you.

SPEAKER_2: So, if you’re succeeding in life at a level, it’s cause you choose to succeed in life at that level.

SPEAKER_2: I believe what you think becomes what you believe. SPEAKER_2: And then whatever you believe is what happens in your life.
SPEAKER_2: So I was always super conscious about what I think.
SPEAKER_2: And then the great thing about what you think, you can always change your mind.

SPEAKER_1: Yes, you can.

SPEAKER_2: I want a hamburger.

SPEAKER_2: Well, you know what?

SPEAKER_2: I want pizza.

SPEAKER_2: I’m broke, but you know what?

SPEAKER_2: I want to be rich.

SPEAKER_2: So we all are gifted with the power, the ability to change our mind and become who we want to become.

SPEAKER_2: Outcomes in life is not somebody else’s fault if you’re not succeeding.

SPEAKER_2: Change your mind.

SPEAKER_1: Change your mind.

SPEAKER_1: It’s that simple.

SPEAKER_1: I just got a flash of you as you were speaking on a stage, in front of all these kids who maybe have never known who they are, and they are sitting up taller, they are smiling from ear to ear, because for the first time, there’s hope.

SPEAKER_2: Absolutely.

SPEAKER_2: And that’s how I get to live every day.

SPEAKER_2: Every day of my life, just like what you just described right there.

SPEAKER_1: I absolutely love it.

SPEAKER_2: So who wouldn’t wake up on fire about that?

SPEAKER_1: I know, who wouldn’t?

SPEAKER_1: I’m feeling a little extra fire because of you right now, honestly.

SPEAKER_1: So let’s shift gears.

SPEAKER_1: Okay. So we have the past. We have this intrinsic motivation. We have this belief of “You know what, I’m here, baby, and I’m going to soar because that’s what I want for me and my life.”

SPEAKER_1: You had these wonderful mentors who came into your life and saw something in you.

SPEAKER_1: Why dance?
SPEAKER_1: What inspired you to work with youth and the arts and through dance specifically?

SPEAKER_1: What was it?

SPEAKER_2: That’s what kept me and my sisters off the streets.
SPEAKER_2: That was the one thing that we could, that’s the one thing that we could do for free.

SPEAKER_2: That was something that was organic to our culture.
SPEAKER_2: And so, you know, back in the day, day, you have shows like Fame.
SPEAKER_2: I’m highly inspired by Miss Debbie Allen.

SPEAKER_2: She looked like us.
SPEAKER_2: We were a bunch of kids that were, you know, our family were multiracial.

SPEAKER_2: So that was the first time we saw someone on TV doing something like what she was doing.

SPEAKER_2: She highly impacted my life.

SPEAKER_2: But I would teach like her, my siblings, and instead of us going outside, getting in, you know, into nonsense, or, you know, hurt by stray bullets and all the other things that were going on, we spent an absurd amount of time inside and inside of our imaginations.

SPEAKER_2: And dance was the one thing that I could do by way of keeping them captured and also expressing myself.

SPEAKER_2: I was a violently shy little girl.

SPEAKER_2: I spent a lot of time in my head and alone and in books.

SPEAKER_2: One of the ways that I was able to communicate was through movement.

SPEAKER_2: I could teach a dance routine and I didn’t even know that that was something that people did for a career.

SPEAKER_2: It was something that I did for my siblings for survival.

SPEAKER_1: Wow, holy smokes!

SPEAKER_1: Okay, so that just took all of this to a whole different level.

SPEAKER_1: You said, something to the extent of “So that I could keep them alive, hold all my siblings and keep them in a safe place.”

SPEAKER_1: I find it very hard to believe that you were shy, by the way.

SPEAKER_2: Very much so!

SPEAKER_1: Talk about a mindset shift ! I’m not picking up on shy when I talk to you Miss Tee.

SPEAKER_2: Oh, jeez, I was very, very shy.

SPEAKER_2: Shy to the point of wet my pants when I have to walk into my classroom every day at school.

SPEAKER_2: I’m not kidding.

SPEAKER_1: You’ve come a long way, baby!

SPEAKER_1: It’s like that Virginia Slims commercial. “You’ve come a long way, baby.”

SPEAKER_1: Ok, you’re in the house, dancing with your siblings and learning that you can teach them something, which we call, of course, choreography now.

SPEAKER_2: Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_1: What did you dream of accomplishing in that room as you were dancing with your siblings?

SPEAKER_1: What did the big dream to soar from the bottom up,  look like?

SPEAKER_2: That one day I could be a soul train dancer, one day I could be teaching, like Miss Debbie Allen in the fame, or maybe one day I could go to the school that was in fame.

SPEAKER_2: I thought I could be a Pippi Long-stocking or a Punky Brewster, or on Silver Spoons or Different Strokes.

SPEAKER_2: One day my big day was going to come and my whole life would change.

SPEAKER_2: And whether that was me adventuring out by myself to explore my creativity, or some rich person discovering, wow, I want to adopt you and give you a better life.

SPEAKER_2: It always opened the door for the multitude of potentials, but it helped to grow my imagination in a way that I know that I’m creative and innovative as a result of having those experiences, but it caused me to dream.

SPEAKER_2: It caused me to see that there was a number of things that I could become outside of what the atmosphere and the community and my culture, my upbringing was suggesting that I should be.

SPEAKER_2: Dance took me to different worlds inside of myself which kept me from conforming to the world around me.

SPEAKER_1: Another intrinsic move.
SPEAKER_1: What led you to say, you know what, I’m going to go from this painfully shy child to this person who discovers she can express herself through dance and feel free and maybe get picked up by one of these shows?

SPEAKER_1: And by the way, for the Millennials and GenZs who don’t know those shows, go back and check some of them out because when Miss Tee and I were growing up, there were three TV channels and these shows were all over every single one of them.

SPEAKER_1: The GenXers are going to understand. They’re following us.

SPEAKER_1: What took you from that point of, “I wanna live forever” (great-now I’ve got the fame song stuck in my head, thank you very much) to, I am going to start this company that inspires other kids, that lifts them up through dance, through the arts to give them a chance.

SPEAKER_1: Give us a little rundown on that story.
SPEAKER_2: The thread of dance has been all through my tweens, teens, young adult years.

SPEAKER_2: And so anytime I could, I had jobs, full-time jobs.
SPEAKER_2: I was technically like a network engineer, heady jobs, because that’s what I was told.

SPEAKER_2: If you wanted to have a decent life, you needed to get a real job.
SPEAKER_2: So no one ever told me that dance could be a real job, if you will.

SPEAKER_2: And so I always volunteered anywhere I could, churches, community centers, after school programs, summer programs, urban housing developments, anywhere where I could just work with the kids free of charge.

SPEAKER_2: I’ve done that my entire life.
SPEAKER_2: I relocated with the company that I was working for at the time to Sacramento.

SPEAKER_2: And myself, like a bunch of people from the Bay Area were realizing that they could live better for less here in Sacramento than we could in the Bay Area.

SPEAKER_2: So there was, I wasn’t the only, our family was the only family that relocated.

SPEAKER_2: We’re accustomed to certain kinds of culturally relevant classes and things like that.

SPEAKER_2: You can take an African dance, it’s about anywhere in the Bay Area, but that stuff didn’t exist here in Sacramento.

SPEAKER_2: It’s a very conservative city.

SPEAKER_2: I knew that, okay, in volunteering, like we’re missing something here for the families that are not organically from here.

SPEAKER_2: So I just started volunteering and teaching and I noticed very quickly that, okay, it wasn’t niche, but I’m on to something here.

SPEAKER_2: And one day, again, volunteering with different companies, I’m out of park and now at this point, I have two young girls and I wanted my kids to have access.

SPEAKER_2: I just started teaching them the way I used to teach my sisters.

SPEAKER_2: And it’s my daughter and a handful of her friends at a park one day and then the next day, there’s eight kids.

SPEAKER_2: Then the next month, there’s 30 kids.

SPEAKER_2: Two months after that, before you know it, we’re out at the park and there’s 70 kids outside.

SPEAKER_2: And I was like, “Oh my God,” I better get some help.

SPEAKER_2:  realized very quickly, no marketing, no advertising, all word of mouth and kids on fire.

SPEAKER_2: I said, okay, look, I clearly am onto something.

SPEAKER_2: So I started Studio T because I wanted to do things the right way and safely and dancing outside in a park in August in the city of Sacramento when it’s 114 degrees is not safe.

SPEAKER_1: Right?

SPEAKER_2: I couldn’t, in good conscience, keep doing things this way.

SPEAKER_2: That was really the instigator for the organization.

SPEAKER_2: Then the fact that our young people, I had to leverage the playing field a bit for them.

SPEAKER_2: They didn’t have, they were highly talented.

SPEAKER_2: Like I was highly talented, but I didn’t have money for a plane ticket to go do an audition to get a real gig.

SPEAKER_2: So I started to, yes, dance, but also media.

SPEAKER_2: I started documenting everything and then learned how to edit videos and then sent these videos via YouTube and all that stuff was just coming out.

SPEAKER_2: But I used it again, when you talk about poker and the hand you’re dealt, that was another card in the deck.

SPEAKER_2: I used that to be able to get my kids in front of casting directors.

SPEAKER_2: Some of the outcomes of that was one of my young people getting on with Britney Spears when she was in the height of her career.

SPEAKER_2: Then Jennifer Lopez and then Selena Gomez when she was first coming out.

SPEAKER_2: Then the hits just kept on coming.
SPEAKER_2: My kids started doing the audition shows and the competitions and things like that.

SPEAKER_2: We were on the cusp of something and I didn’t even know it.

SPEAKER_2: I just was trying to keep them engaged in this because once I started things, I started pulling them out of the juvenile hall because if I could give them this, then they won’t revert back to that.

SPEAKER_2: I have two young men that we got out of the juvenile hall. One of which is one of the talents that works with the Jabbawockeez, a headlining show in Las Vegas.

SPEAKER_2: But his alternative as he’s watching all of his peers pass away from homicide was either the dance stuff or death.

SPEAKER_2: I started to see some of the outcomes. I knew that I was on to something, but the something was so ahead of the curve that I couldn’t get people to understand.

SPEAKER_2: And so I would let them say, oh, okay, yeah, sure, it’s a dance studio.

SPEAKER_2: But I couldn’t articulate things in English in a way to get people to see it’s dance plus media, plus entrepreneurship, plus social services, plus financial planning, fiscal planning, debt demolition.

SPEAKER_2: Meal prep academy, I couldn’t get them to see the breadth of everything that we were doing, which was a really holistic approach to not just developing talented, but developing people through their talents.

SPEAKER_1: You really were a visionary.

SPEAKER_1: You were taking all of the services, not only elevating them, but rolling them up into one beautiful package for these kids.

SPEAKER_1: And that is amazing!

SPEAKER_1: To think that you got started by teaching a few kids in the park is unbelievable.

SPEAKER_1: And so far, you’ve touched over 800,000 youth and there is a huge domino effect that will come from that.

SPEAKER_2: Absolutely.

SPEAKER_1: Like in millions of lives. Disrupting old cycles, creating brand new hope.

SPEAKER_2: Yes!

SPEAKER_1: That’s crazy amazing!

SPEAKER_1: We’ve mentioned, that your work has touched all of these people.

SPEAKER_1: How has it changed you as a woman to see this dream that you had, this manifestation of something that was so dear to your heart and so instrumental in shaping you as a young person?

SPEAKER_1: How does it feel now to look out and to sort of reflect on where you are and say, this has really changed me as a woman?

SPEAKER_1: What is the magnitude of the impact of that work on your life?
SPEAKER_2: Oh my God, it’s humbling.
SPEAKER_2: It’s humbling that somebody like me gets to do this.
SPEAKER_2: Like, I could look at the myriad of reasons that I’m not qualified, but I get to do this.

SPEAKER_2: And it’s a remarkable thing when you know why you’re born.

SPEAKER_2: I’m rare in that I know why I’m here and it’s humbling to me every single day.

SPEAKER_2: And anytime there’s a moment where I might want to complain or I might want to be challenged or frustrated about what I’m enduring in a moment, I’m reminded that I get to do this and I get to show up in people’s lives and hopefully give hope and strategy in how to live better.

SPEAKER_2: That’s a very humbling thing.

SPEAKER_2: And there’s nothing in my background or academic experience that qualifies me to do what I’m doing.

SPEAKER_2: I’m just taking steps and the steps are working for not just me, but a bunch of other people.

SPEAKER_2: It’s a gift from God.

SPEAKER_2: And I think once you have that kind of experience, you can get up every day, you can go long, you can work hard, you can keep giving.

SPEAKER_2: The level of generosity that’s developed in you is remarkable.

SPEAKER_2: A lot of people just don’t get to live this life. SPEAKER_1: No, they don’t.
SPEAKER_2: For me, it’s just humbling.

SPEAKER_2: It’s every day, I’m grateful every day that I get to live this. I get to serve people.
SPEAKER_2: I am a public servant.
SPEAKER_2: I get to be that.

SPEAKER_1: I’m so grateful you’re here too.

SPEAKER_1: And I know those millions of lives and growing by the day are too because you’re here.

SPEAKER_1: Wow! Holy smokes.

SPEAKER_2: Now that I’ve  got some stuff figured out, I can really do some damage!

SPEAKER_1: I can’t imagine. The next time we talk, I’m going to have to have three full pages dedicated to all of your accolades.

SPEAKER_1: In all seriousness, you’ve been celebrated in California and across various organizations, in Forbes, NAWB…

SPEAKER_1: You are a fire starter. 

SPEAKER_1: What are you most proud of as you look across all of it Miss Tee so far?

SPEAKER_2: I’m proud of a lot of things.

SPEAKER_2: I’m proud that I get to be a mom, proud that I get to be a grandma now.

SPEAKER_2: I’m proud that I get to support my family and lots of families.

SPEAKER_2: I’m proud, you know, I could look at all the different accomplishments by way of, you know, celebrity type success, but I’m proud that, you know, I have kids that graduated high school.

SPEAKER_2: I have kids that, you know, that have college degrees, but they were in the hall.

SPEAKER_2: I have young people that are now in their thirties and, you know, young men, they’re fathers of families, and they’re taking care of their family, and they’re happily married.

SPEAKER_2:All of that stuff wouldn’t be if our paths didn’t merge and they weren’t gifted another perspective on the outcomes that they can have in their lives.

SPEAKER_2: I’m proud that organizationally we get to not only have these programs for youth, but we get to employ a lot of them as they grow into their skill sets and their crafts.

SPEAKER_2: We get to feed families through what we do.

SPEAKER_2: I think I’m also proud of the way that we’re shifting people’s perspectives as far as leaders and civic leaders and how they can serve communities that are trauma-informed and under-resourced and tech-starved.

SPEAKER_2: There’s so many different things that I can say that I’m proud of, but I think it’s, you know, it’s how worlds are being bettered, lives are being transformed, not just changed for a moment, but completely transformed because now they’re thinking and seeing the potentials from their lives differently, watching the vast potential that’s come out of this one shy girl from the hood.

SPEAKER_2: I’m proud that I get to example some hard things.

SPEAKER_2: Most people think that there’s an easy route and there isn’t one.

SPEAKER_2: There isn’t one for anybody, no matter what they may make you think.

SPEAKER_2: Social media makes people think there’s a whole get-rich-quick thing and there isn’t.

SPEAKER_2: So, I’m grateful that I get to model that hard work pays off.

SPEAKER_2: But consistency is worth it.

SPEAKER_2: Discipline matters.

SPEAKER_2: Character and integrity count.

SPEAKER_2: And that you are an example and you are your brother’s keeper.

SPEAKER_2: I’m seeing more of that start to populate, not just in, you know, the communities we service, but in the states we service now.

SPEAKER_2: I’m watching the ripple effect from one girl who had the simple seed of, I really just like to dance and what it’s evolved into.

SPEAKER_2: And I’m proud of the way that innovative and creative approaches to problem solving, people are now starting to adopt because it’s been modeled.

SPEAKER_2: So again, I don’t take credit for the success of the people around me and the kids that filter through my program.

SPEAKER_2: I don’t want to say that I’m proud of what they’re doing, but I’m proud that I was picked to work with them.

SPEAKER_2: I was picked to meet them.

SPEAKER_2: I picked to know them, picked to hug them.

SPEAKER_2: I got picked to wipe their tears.

SPEAKER_2: I got picked to laugh with them.

SPEAKER_2: I got picked to sweat with them.

SPEAKER_2: And I got picked to connect them.

SPEAKER_2: When you ask about my list of accolades, those are the sorts of things that I put on it.

SPEAKER_1: That is absolutely inspiring, beautiful, heartfelt, and  real.

SPEAKER_1: Thank God for Soul Train. Thank God for Fame. And for the people who created all those shows.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_1: You got to be witness to that and say, that’s where I want to be.

SPEAKER_1: And then, you took that and created, you created something so beautiful.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, I just had this other image.

SPEAKER_1: Can you imagine if everybody danced every day just a little bit, how different we would feel?

SPEAKER_2: I can, actually. I can.
SPEAKER_2: And you know what taught me that, where I got that?
SPEAKER_1: Where?
SPEAKER_2: COVID. When the whole world shut down, how many people do you know made dance videos?

SPEAKER_1: A lot of people.
SPEAKER_2: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_1: A lot of people.
SPEAKER_1: TikTok dance videos.
SPEAKER_2: There you go.
SPEAKER_2: There you go.
SPEAKER_2: So, yes, I can.

SPEAKER_2: And that showed me that what I’ve been seeing my whole life by way of what it does, how it makes you feel, how it connects you to people, and how exciting and creative it is, like everything that I’ve seen through it, through the filter of movement, my whole life was proven accurate during COVID

and established me as an expert in my craft.

SPEAKER_2: This is as much about healing as it is about a show.

SPEAKER_1: Do you think that you could roll up to Washington, DC for a little while?

SPEAKER_1: Teach those people how to dance.

SPEAKER_1: I have a feeling things might get better.

SPEAKER_2: Absolutely.

SPEAKER_2: I already have, actually.

SPEAKER_2: In fact, we took a handful of young people.

SPEAKER_2: We walked the same halls of the White House that our presidents do for the past several years.

SPEAKER_2: And we’re aligned with being content creators for the White House.

SPEAKER_2: So this is, again, opportunity.

SPEAKER_2: It presents itself all the time.

SPEAKER_2: And I find that when you just keep it, I don’t want to say keep it simple because sometimes simple is really hard for people.

SPEAKER_2: They want complex so that they can struggle. SPEAKER_2: And so I don’t always subscribe to that.

SPEAKER_2: But as far as leadership and connecting with the people that are in position to lead cities, states and counties, I learned I can do a lot of work as boots on the ground, but I can do even more impactful work working with people that are leading the boots on the ground.

SPEAKER_2: And so I had to do both.

SPEAKER_2: And like you said, getting them dancing, that’s one thing, getting them to understand the power and the impact behind new movement, community building and community gathering.

SPEAKER_2: When you offer people something like dance, I couldn’t get them to understand it pre- COVID.

SPEAKER_2: Now they get it.

SPEAKER_2: And some of our biggest clients are cities, states, counties and entire school districts.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, congressional meetings would be really different if they started off dancing.

SPEAKER_1: Totally.
SPEAKER_1: They would be so much more fun to see endorphins that would get going.

SPEAKER_1: How amazing would that be?

SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: All right.
SPEAKER_1: You and know that a lot of people are really struggling right now. It’s a tricky time.

SPEAKER_1: What three life tips can you offer to women who have dreams or some inkling of a dream, but who are stuck in difficult situations, or at least they feel they’re stuck or feeling a bit hopeless right now, like, you know, disempowered?

SPEAKER_1: What three things would you offer them to help transform their mindset and then their life?

SPEAKER_2: Well, I start with, and I get this question, I get this question often.

SPEAKER_2: And I learned, vague dreams get vague results.

SPEAKER_2: Most often people have, you know, something sweet and fluffy, but there’s no detail, there’s no structure, there’s no depth.

SPEAKER_2: And until you get serious about your dreams, you can’t reach them.

SPEAKER_2: And your imagination is a powerful thing.
SPEAKER_2: It’ll show you a snapshot of something.
SPEAKER_2: It’s your responsibility to put the flesh and the bones to it through action.

SPEAKER_2: And so first things first, get serious about your dreams.

SPEAKER_2: Write them down, have a vision board, speak to them, start connecting with people, read books about it.

SPEAKER_2: Like really, really put some substance with your dream.

SPEAKER_2: Secondly is document everything.

SPEAKER_2: I don’t know that people understand the power.

SPEAKER_2: Yes, you can record something.

SPEAKER_2: Yes, you can text something, you can swipe something, but there’s something about writing it down.

SPEAKER_2: When you write it down, it not only memorializes it on paper, but it also cements it in you.

SPEAKER_2: It’s something your brain has to do in order for something to become.
SPEAKER_2: Write it down, document everything.

SPEAKER_2: And again, I document not just so that I could cement things, but I also document for legacy reasons, recognize that whatever you accomplish in this life becomes a roadmap for someone who comes after you.

SPEAKER_2: So document, document, document.

SPEAKER_2: And the more you can start getting in the habit of thinking in leadership and service realm, from the perspective of everything that you accomplish today, someone’s going to build on tomorrow, it makes you more inclined to do more.

SPEAKER_2: It makes you more inclined to be serious.

SPEAKER_2: It makes you more inclined to be innovative.

SPEAKER_2: And this is just what I discovered in my, you know, on my path.

SPEAKER_2: And the third thing is, you know, the balance piece is critical.

SPEAKER_2: I know a lot of, you know, strong, remarkable humans who work themselves into the ground.

SPEAKER_2: And we don’t have them anymore.
SPEAKER_2: And I don’t know that they were done with their race.

SPEAKER_2: And so I know that, you know, sometimes when you’re feeling stuck, you may not need another job to do.

SPEAKER_2: You might need to walk in the sand and collect seashells.
SPEAKER_2: So you’ve got to keep in mind that, you know, the balance piece is, it’s not all work and it’s not all play.

SPEAKER_2: There has to be a balance of family.

SPEAKER_2: There has to be a balance of finances.

SPEAKER_2: There has to be a balance of fun.

SPEAKER_2: All of those things have to be well balanced.

SPEAKER_2: And anytime you’re out of balance, that’s when you’ll notice blockage or stoppage, because you’re out of balance.

SPEAKER_1: So vague dreams get vague results.

SPEAKER_2: Yeah.
SPEAKER_1: Journal with a pen and a paper.

SPEAKER_2: Yes.

SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_1: And our brains actually map information differently that way.

SPEAKER_1: And so you had a two-parter there because it was for yourself, but then also to create documentation as if you’re creating a legacy for somebody else to pick up.

SPEAKER_1: Mm-hmm. Just beautiful.

SPEAKER_1: And then the third one is balance, you know, between fun and work, between rest and doing, between socializing and solitude, you know, all of those things.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you.

SPEAKER_1: Those are beautiful, so amazing ones.

SPEAKER_1: There you have it.

SPEAKER_1: Three more micro coaching tips from a woman, from a woman who is wildly accomplished and has built her dreams.

SPEAKER_2: Can I add a fourth one?

SPEAKER_2: Can I give a bonus?

SPEAKER_1: Yes, we’re going to make it a bonus because I have a little situation about three.

SPEAKER_1: So we’re going to put an asterisk and call this a bonus tip.

SPEAKER_1: Yes, go for it.

SPEAKER_2: Get rid of the idea that you can only do what you can do.

SPEAKER_2: There is no such thing as I can’t.

SPEAKER_2: There’s only I won’t.

SPEAKER_2: You can really truly do anything.

SPEAKER_2: So as long as you function from a place where there’s walls or limits or ceilings, it’s going to make it very difficult.

SPEAKER_2: So you have to change your mind about what someone like you can do.

SPEAKER_2: You can really do anything.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, everything is possible.
SPEAKER_2: Yeah, it really is.

SPEAKER_1: Everything’s possible if you believe it is, right? SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: Because if you believe it, you put action behind it. SPEAKER_1: Absolutely.

SPEAKER_1: You put energy and action behind it.
SPEAKER_1: And where the energy goes, the results are going to flow.

SPEAKER_2: There you go.
SPEAKER_2: There you go.
SPEAKER_1: I’m so glad you threw that bonus one in there. SPEAKER_1: All right.

SPEAKER_1: So there are people who are listening who are going to want to follow your work.

SPEAKER_1: We’ll be sure to include whatever channels you want in the show notes.
SPEAKER_1: Where are the best places for people to learn more about you, to experience what you do?

SPEAKER_1: Go for it.

SPEAKER_2: That’s easy.
SPEAKER_2: Just remember Sweet Tea Time, and that’s Sweet T-E-E Time. SPEAKER_2: And you can find me on Instagram.

SPEAKER_2: I’m just, you know, I’m always posting and sharing tips, tricks, strategies, anything that I could be hopefully helpful in helping people, you know, pursue the life that, you know, that they want to live.

SPEAKER_2: And then also sweetteetime.com.

SPEAKER_2: That’s my website.

SPEAKER_2: Again, I have anything from e-courses to coaching opportunities, to speaking opportunities, to just fun stuff that I get to adventure in with, you know, myself, my family, and people that I’m working with.

SPEAKER_2: And then I would also, you know, on the organization side, studioteaarts.org.

SPEAKER_2: That’s where we do all of our remarkable work.
SPEAKER_2: That’s my nonprofit for my young people, servicing hundreds of thousands.

SPEAKER_2: Please check that out.

SPEAKER_2: And then again, Studio Tee Arts, we’re on every single platform, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, et cetera.

SPEAKER_2: So if you just kind of remember that.

SPEAKER_2: And then Google me all day.
SPEAKER_2: There’s something cool out there on Google. SPEAKER_2: Say my name.

SPEAKER_1: Just say your name, sweet Tee.

SPEAKER_1: Just say your name.

SPEAKER_1: All right, so I have one last question for you that has nothing to do with work or all of your amazing accomplishments.

SPEAKER_1: So I recently read that the Labor Board classifies women over 45 as older women.

SPEAKER_1: Yeah, what do you have to say about that?
SPEAKER_2: Some guy wrote that.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, indeed.

SPEAKER_1: But seriously, for women who are over 45 are thinking, oh, my ship has sailed.

SPEAKER_1: Come on, give it to me.
SPEAKER_1: No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_2: Women who are over 45 are just hitting their prime. SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: You’ve made all the mistakes you needed to make in the 20s.

SPEAKER_2: You’ve done all the discovery in the 30s.

SPEAKER_2: Now you know who you are, what you’re capable of, the direction you’re going in and who’s with you and who’s for you.

SPEAKER_2: That makes you extremely powerful.

SPEAKER_2: By the time I was 45, all pistons were firing.

SPEAKER_2: And again, you got everything going for you.

SPEAKER_2: Wait till you hit your 50s, baby.

SPEAKER_2: That’s the sweet spot.

SPEAKER_2: So I’m just telling you, whoever wrote that clearly works in a cardboard box in the back of something somewhere and they’re not living real, real full life.

SPEAKER_2: 45 is the beginning.

SPEAKER_2: You’re healthy, you’re strong, you’re intelligent, your mind is sharp.

SPEAKER_2: And hopefully your kids old or old enough and they don’t need you to change their diapers and wipe their noses anymore.

SPEAKER_2: Like everything is firing in your direction in a good way. SPEAKER_2: Like 45, that was the turning point of my life. SPEAKER_1: Oh, gosh, I feel that.
SPEAKER_1: I love it.

SPEAKER_1: I’m getting ready to have, well, this is a big birthday year for me and it’s way over 45.

SPEAKER_1: I knew that answer that you gave me was going to be fire.
SPEAKER_1: So thank you so much for that.
SPEAKER_1: Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_1: All right, Amazing Ones, you have heard from this fabulous woman, Miss Tee.
SPEAKER_1: And if you are not leaving here inspired, I don’t know what to tell you.

SPEAKER_1: Miss Tee, thank you for the time that you’ve shared with us today and all of the super real, beautiful wisdom, powerful inspiration that you’ve generously given to myself, to everyone who’s listening today.

SPEAKER_1: I am so grateful that you joined us.
SPEAKER_1: I am so grateful to know that you, fire starter, are in this world doing what you do. SPEAKER_1: And I cannot wait to see what you create next, lady.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, thank you so much.
SPEAKER_2: That’s so kind of you.
SPEAKER_2: Thank you.
SPEAKER_1: Of course.
SPEAKER_1: And I look forward to you.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to have my eye on you.

SPEAKER_2: Oh, please do.
SPEAKER_1: Yes.
SPEAKER_2: Let’s go.

SPEAKER_1: And listen, if I ever find myself out in California, little known fact, I was a dancer for 22 years.

SPEAKER_1: We’re going to dance together.
SPEAKER_2: Oh, we must.
SPEAKER_1: Yes, we must.
SPEAKER_2: I just bought a 36,000 square foot building that takes up an entire city block.

SPEAKER_2: Let’s do it.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s do it.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s rehash our fame days, shall we?

SPEAKER_2: I’m still living in my fame days.

SPEAKER_2: Let’s go.

SPEAKER_2: Let’s go.

SPEAKER_1: All right, babe, you got it.

SPEAKER_1: Amazing Ones, thank you so much for lending us your ears.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re ready to hit your internal reset button and reclaim the agency that you have to live your best life and you need support, I want to meet you.

SPEAKER_1: Head to the contact form on my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Tell me what’s on your mind.
SPEAKER_1: Let’s grab some time to noodle and explore what’s possible for you together.

SPEAKER_1: And in case no one’s told you yet today, remember this. SPEAKER_1: There’s only one you, and that is what makes you amazing.

SPEAKER_1: See you next week.
SPEAKER_1: Until then, be kind to yourself.

SPEAKER_1: Big love.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.

SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

 

How To Tame Your Mindset And Transform Your Life

How To Tame Your Mindset And Transform Your Life

HOW TO TAME YOUR MINDSET AND TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE TRANSCRIPT

SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.

SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present, and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Imagine if you were perpetually stuck, constantly reliving the worst day of your life.

SPEAKER_1: Now, I’m talking about your most anxious, frustrating or stressful day, your most sad, heartbreaking or depressing day, your most angry, fearful or traumatic day, the day you felt most uncertain, alone or embarrassed.

SPEAKER_1: How would you feel about your life?

SPEAKER_1: If we were perpetually stuck reliving the worst days of our lives, it would be the most hopeless, groundhog day ever!

SPEAKER_1: We wouldn’t be able to heal, learn and grow, or ever have a shot at realizing our dreams and goals.

SPEAKER_1: What would be the point of opening our eyes or getting out of bed in the morning?

SPEAKER_1: Thankfully, this is not the case.
SPEAKER_1: We can choose how we think, feel and live every single minute of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Brain science has taught us that.

SPEAKER_1: So why do so many of us stay stuck in our cycles of chaos and stress, sadness, regret, loneliness, heartbreak, frustration, fear and anxiety, replaying the worst minutes and days over and over again in our minds?

SPEAKER_1: The short answer is this, mindset.

SPEAKER_1: This negative replay limits us and our potential because it affects the way we think, what we believe and how we feel about ourselves and the people and circumstances in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: The negative replay affects the choices we make and how we respond in every situation.

SPEAKER_1: The negative replay disrupts our ability to heal, learn and grow, and it stands between us realizing our personal and professional dreams and goals.

SPEAKER_1: Our mindset feeds the replay.

SPEAKER_1: Now, it can also create an entirely new story, one that empowers the ever loving shit out of us.

SPEAKER_1: We have that power.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a matter of choice.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, Amazing Ones!

SPEAKER_1: I am so damn glad that you are right here, right now.

SPEAKER_1: That means that you’ve chosen to make a super wise and powerful investment in yourself to explore what’s possible for you and your fabulous life.

SPEAKER_1: And that, my friends, is an act of curiosity, courage and self love.

SPEAKER_1: This week, we’re talking about the BIG M- mindset.
SPEAKER_1: We’re going to talk about the wild beast that it can be that keeps you stuck.

SPEAKER_1: We’re going to talk about how to tame your mindset and why spending your time and energy developing your mindset is absolutely freaky and essential to being your best, feeling your best and transforming your life.

SPEAKER_1: Buckle up, babes, here we go.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s kick things off with a little neuroscience.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the truth.

SPEAKER_1: We are never stuck.

SPEAKER_1: Neuroscience has proven that our brains are wired to change, grow, learn, expand, unfold, and it is a beautiful and powerful truth.

SPEAKER_1: We have the power to choose our mindset in every single moment.

SPEAKER_1: Mindset can be our greatest asset or our greatest liability.

SPEAKER_1: Either way, we get to choose.
SPEAKER_1: We are not stuck or static unless we choose to be stuck and static.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose to develop a mindset that supports our healing, our changing, our learning, and our growing, or we can choose to stay stuck in our worst days, our worst moments.

SPEAKER_1: Either way, it’s 100% up to us.

SPEAKER_1: And this is true from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose a mindset that allows us to fall in love after we’ve been jilted.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose a mindset when we’re facing an illness, preparing for a visit from family members, or getting ready to deliver that super big presentation.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose our mindset in childbirth.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose it if we’re switching careers, navigating a breakup, planning a vacation, or doing something as simple as making a daily errand list.

SPEAKER_1: We’re in charge of our mindset across every single dimension of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: We are never stuck, unless we choose to stay stuck.

SPEAKER_1: We can move from a mindset of fear to courage, from victim to victor, from pessimism to optimism, scarcity to abundance, from restlessness to contentment, from insecurity to confidence, from anger to joy, hate to love, stress, worry and drama to ease and flow, from blame to owning our own damn choices, from hustling and striving to finding balance in being, from time traveling to the past and future, to being present and awake to what is happening for us right now in this very moment.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness is a practice that helps us live into this beautiful truth, into the power that we have to transform our mindset and transform our lives.

SPEAKER_1: So let’s talk about mindset.
SPEAKER_1: Now, I looked up the word so we could all be on the same page, and here’s what I learned.

SPEAKER_1: Mindset is a habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations.

SPEAKER_1: It is also a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings, values and dispositions to act in certain ways.

SPEAKER_1: It is your way of thinking.
SPEAKER_1: I want to pause here and ask you a question.

SPEAKER_1: Where are you spending the most time, energy and money when it comes to looking and feeling your best?

SPEAKER_1: Are you spending time and energy on things like clothes and shoes, Botox or the gym?

SPEAKER_1: If you are, I get it.

SPEAKER_1: We all love to look good, myself included.

SPEAKER_1: And if we’re honest, most of us spend more time, money and energy on the optics of our well-being than on the source of our well-being, which is mindset.

SPEAKER_1: Now, investing in your mindset is the biggest return on your investment of time and energy that you can possibly get.

SPEAKER_1: And here’s why.

SPEAKER_1: When your mindset is wild and untamed, it becomes a liability that keeps you stuck in the past, in the swirl of stress, fear and worry about the future.

SPEAKER_1: An untamed mind causes you to miss opportunities.

SPEAKER_1: And unless you invest time and energy in understanding your mind and taming your mindset, you will never truly be or feel your best.

SPEAKER_1: You will miss out on the possibilities in your life.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s talk about how you can turn your mindset into your biggest asset with mindfulness, one of the most powerful practices we can ever learn as human beings.

SPEAKER_1: Now mindfulness can be confusing for a lot of people because it has been bastardized here in our Western world.

SPEAKER_1: It’s been made out to be something that’s out of reach and mysterious.
SPEAKER_1: And the truth is, there is nothing out of reach or mysterious about it.
SPEAKER_1: You don’t have to go to a special place to learn or practice mindfulness.
SPEAKER_1: You can practice anywhere, anytime, once you understand how it works.
SPEAKER_1: You don’t need to buy special outfits from Lululemon or join a gym or pay for it.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness is free and available to you 24-7, 365 days a year, if you choose to practice.

SPEAKER_1: Now here’s why mindfulness is such a game changer.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a personal practice with a super, super big reach.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a practice of observing your mind that gives you awareness about what’s happening right now for you.

SPEAKER_1: It gets you in touch with how you’re thinking, feeling, and responding to what’s happening within you and all around you.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness helps you tame your mind by observing your mind.

SPEAKER_1: It is the practice of slowing down with intention to observe your thoughts, your feelings, and the interplay between the two as if you’re watching them on a TV screen in front of you.

SPEAKER_1: And here’s the big key, to observe with curiosity and without judgment.

SPEAKER_1: Total game changer and vitally important.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness is a real life practice that helps you understand the factors that are driving your thoughts and feelings, your beliefs, your narratives, your experiences from the past, your fears and your concerns about the future.

SPEAKER_1: It is a right now practice that leads you to presence, and presence is practice.

SPEAKER_1: Now, sometimes the practice of mindfulness can be super messy.

SPEAKER_1: It can feel scary, and it can feel surprising.
SPEAKER_1: It can also feel extremely freaking empowering.

SPEAKER_1: And mindfulness helps to develop your intuition muscle, which makes your inner wisdom more accessible to you, to what you need, to what you want.

SPEAKER_1: The more you develop that muscle, it helps you trust yourself to take steps that get you to the right place.

SPEAKER_1: Tapping into your intuition is super powerful, and mindfulness helps us do that.

SPEAKER_1: Many of you may have heard about the bliss of mindfulness so I want to dig a little deeper into the messiness because that is something that is not talked about quite as much.

SPEAKER_1: Observing your mind and your feelings and then understanding your mind and your feelings, it takes courage because you’re digging into your inner self, and that can be so damn hard.

SPEAKER_1: Depending on how you were raised and what you have experienced across your life up until now, stuffing emotions down deep may have been your modus operandi.

SPEAKER_1: It may be your comfort zone.

SPEAKER_1: And when you practice mindfulness, you’re getting to know your mind and yourself in a much deeper and more intimate way.

SPEAKER_1: I think of taming our mindset a little like an Indiana Jones adventure.

SPEAKER_1: We’re going in deep without 100% certainty of what we’re going to find in search of the gold.

SPEAKER_1: We develop new awareness when we do that excavation, when we take that journey.

SPEAKER_1: And sometimes what we discover and uncover can make us aware of things we don’t want to know about ourselves.

SPEAKER_1: This is when it can feel really messy and scary.

SPEAKER_1: We stuff thoughts and feelings down deep, and I think of that like a box that’s just packed full and locked up so tightly.

SPEAKER_1: Whether we’re aware of it or not, every single thing in the box influences our mindset.

SPEAKER_1: When we practice mindfulness and we observe our thoughts, we can see what’s happening right now.

SPEAKER_1: We can unearth the stuff in the box.

SPEAKER_1: Now, sometimes we find judgment, old hurt, anger, fear that’s accumulated, and we never understood, challenged, or managed that stuff, and that can feel overwhelming.

SPEAKER_1: I think of these old thoughts and feelings like snakes guarding the gold.

SPEAKER_1: But when you meet the snakes with courage and you are present, you can ask yourself, where did this thought come from?

SPEAKER_1: Where did I learn this reaction?
SPEAKER_1: What do I want to do with this thought? How is this thought affecting the way that I’m feeling? And what can I learn in this moment about myself?

SPEAKER_1: This is your power.

SPEAKER_1: It is the point where you are in charge of your mindset, where you can replay the same old story of your worst day and stay stuck or create new thoughts and move forward and step into your fabulous life that is waiting for you.

SPEAKER_1: Now thoughts are interesting little suckers.

SPEAKER_1: They’re constructs that are created 100% by our minds.

SPEAKER_1: Dr. Frederic Luskin at Stanford University says the average person has somewhere around 60,000 thoughts a day.

SPEAKER_1: And 90% of those are repetitive!

SPEAKER_1: Many of those thoughts have carried over from our past- that could have been five minutes ago in the past or two decades in the past.

SPEAKER_1: The past is the past.

SPEAKER_1: When you practice observing your thoughts with intention, you can understand what your mind is creating and why.

SPEAKER_1: And then you can decide if you want to keep that thought or if you want to drop it off or replace it with something that would be more supportive and positive for you.

SPEAKER_1: This is mindfulness and this is how it helps shape your mindset.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness puts you in the power seat when it comes to taming that beast called your mind.

SPEAKER_1: Now, if you’re in a cycle of self-sabotage, it could be overeating, addiction, negative patterns, negative self-talk that harms you.

SPEAKER_1: You can break those patterns, and you can replace the negative words with self-love.

SPEAKER_1: If you have a mindset of judgment, you can develop a mindset of acceptance.

SPEAKER_1: If you observe that you have thoughts that are created by fear, when you practice mindfulness, you can challenge the fear.

SPEAKER_1: You can understand it, and you can even dismantle it.
SPEAKER_1: If you’re feeling stress and anxiety, you can get curious about where it’s coming from.

SPEAKER_1: You can gain fresh perspective that you may have been missing before, and you can make a choice that will help you think and feel more grounded and more calm.

SPEAKER_1: You can reset from victim mindset to victor mindset.

SPEAKER_1: To do any of these things, you have to have awareness about your mindset.

SPEAKER_1: What is it focused on right now?
SPEAKER_1: What are you thinking?
SPEAKER_1: What are you feeling?

SPEAKER_1: And why?

SPEAKER_1: Now, at the beginning of the episode, I mentioned that investing energy and time in your mindset will give you a bigger return on investment than most anything else you can do for yourself.

SPEAKER_1: If we connect the dots, here’s why that’s true.

SPEAKER_1: Your mindset determines every single decision that you make for yourself and for your life, from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Your mindset influences what you believe, what you believe you deserve, how you communicate, your energy and your overall health.

SPEAKER_1: When your mindset is wild and unhealthy, you will feel out of control and your health will suffer.

SPEAKER_1: When you invest time and energy in developing a mindset of clarity, you are in control of your life and everything about you gets healthier.

SPEAKER_1: So let’s talk about how to harness your power to develop a mindset of clarity and confidence, to tame your mind, so that it can support you to be your best, to heal, learn, grow, realize your dreams and goals, and live your most present and kick-ass life.

SPEAKER_1: Grab your pen, here we go.
SPEAKER_1: Number one, observe your thoughts over and over and over again.

SPEAKER_1: Notice the quality, pace, and nature of your thoughts.
SPEAKER_1: Notice the tense of your thoughts.
SPEAKER_1: Are they from the past?
SPEAKER_1: Are they future-oriented?
SPEAKER_1: Or are your thoughts really happening right here in this moment?

SPEAKER_1: And observe them just like you’re watching them on a screen in front of you.

SPEAKER_1: For my coaching clients who are new to mindfulness, I teach them to start practicing by closing their eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

SPEAKER_1: When our eyes are open, sometimes we can get distracted by whatever is in front of us, and that keeps us from connecting with what is going on in our mind.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re new to the practice, maybe this will support you as well.

SPEAKER_1: Start by closing your eyes, taking a few breaths, and watching what’s on the screen.

SPEAKER_1: Then ask yourself questions like, What am I thinking?

SPEAKER_1: What’s the origin of this thought?

SPEAKER_1: What do I want to do with what I can see right now?

SPEAKER_1: Remember, it’s your choice.

SPEAKER_1: Now, when you’re in observer mode, you are in control of your mindset, and a couple of really cool things happen here.

SPEAKER_1: As you observe, you are slowing down your thinking process.

SPEAKER_1: This limits reaction and heightens your ability to respond, and I will tell you right now that that makes everything better.

SPEAKER_1: Response is always better than reaction.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s an example.

SPEAKER_1: Think about the last time you were in a really superheated argument.

SPEAKER_1: How likely, in that moment, were you to say or do something that you might well regret later?

SPEAKER_1: Now, think about how slowing down in that same argument might have enabled you to hear the other side, to walk away, or speak up for what you need in a way that would have created something better for both of you.

SPEAKER_1: Observer mode also positions you to challenge or accept your thoughts, replay them, replace them, or let them go.

SPEAKER_1: Number two, observe how your thoughts influence how you feel.

SPEAKER_1: This is gold star level insight.

SPEAKER_1: This is called somatic awareness, the sensations that you feel in your body.

SPEAKER_1: A lot of times we miss those sensations.

SPEAKER_1: We are too busy stuck in our minds or stuck on our phones or social media or somewhere else worrying about what’s going to happen in the future or what has happened in the past, and we don’t even know what’s going on in our bodies and much less how that feeling is connected to our thoughts.

SPEAKER_1: And your body can give you so much information because your body and mind are constantly communicating with one another.

SPEAKER_1: When you’re practicing mindfulness, observing what’s going on right now for you in the present, you can pick up on those somatic clues much, much easier.

SPEAKER_1: For instance, if your mindset is stuck in judgment and self-criticism because you learned that as a child or somewhere in your early adulthood, start noticing how it feels in your body.

SPEAKER_1: How does it feel when you are coming from a place of judgment, when you are thinking judgmental or critical thoughts?

SPEAKER_1: This somatic awareness becomes like a little red flag letting you know, hey, there’s danger up ahead.

SPEAKER_1: Practicing mindfulness will help you flip your mindset from one that harms you to a mindset of calm clarity, its tamer, everything sort of taken down a notch, and from that place you can respond.

SPEAKER_1: And I’m going to give you a recent personal example.

SPEAKER_1: I was at my niece’s high school graduation, and it was this super hot day in Tennessee.

SPEAKER_1: The ceremony was outside at their football stadium.

SPEAKER_1: My family and I went on a mission to find some seats, which were in extremely short supply.

SPEAKER_1: And as we looked, I saw people saving seats with jackets, umbrellas, blankets and streamers.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, these things were stretched out across multiple rows of bleachers.

SPEAKER_1: And as I saw all of this empty space, and I knew that we needed a seat, I noticed that I started to feel irritated.

SPEAKER_1: My chest got tight.

SPEAKER_1: My mind started to feel like it was in a butter churn.

SPEAKER_1: And when I noticed that, it was my clue to pause and observe my mind.

SPEAKER_1: I recognized the feeling.

SPEAKER_1: I was thinking very judgmental thoughts about the people who were saving the seats.

SPEAKER_1: Now, judgment in my life is a no-go for me.

SPEAKER_1: It doesn’t create anything positive.

SPEAKER_1: By observing, I was able to challenge my mindset and replace my judgy thoughts about those seat savers who were stingy or greedy with the simple truth.

SPEAKER_1: They got here earlier than we did.

SPEAKER_1: They have a right to save seats for the people that they love.

SPEAKER_1: That mindset helped me enjoy the experience of the graduation so much more than being in that place of judgment, because that judgment would have fueled anger, frustration, and I would have missed the joy of my niece graduating from high school.

SPEAKER_1: All right, for the big finale, number three, and it’s a question, what else is also true for me right now?

SPEAKER_1: In the toughest moments, we have this curious little tendency to hyper focus on the negative, and this is also because of the way our brain is wired.

SPEAKER_1: From the dawn of time, our goal has been to protect ourselves and to survive.

SPEAKER_1: I have to wonder how mindfulness may have helped our earliest ancestors.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the thing, even when we are in the most shitty, stressful, scary, hurtful or uncertain situations, we have the power to develop a positive, creative and supportive mindset.

SPEAKER_1: We can tame the beast.

SPEAKER_1: The question, what else is also true for me right now, is a diversion.

SPEAKER_1: It disrupts the cycle of thinking.

SPEAKER_1: It slows the process, and it’s one of my absolute favorites to explore with my coaching clients and for myself in my own life.

SPEAKER_1: And here’s a fresh off the press example.

SPEAKER_1: A super creative artist friend of mine called me, and they were panicking because they said they were absolutely devoid of any creative flow.

SPEAKER_1: They couldn’t find it anywhere.

SPEAKER_1: They were being reactive, not very mindful, and that sparked a mindset of panic in them.

SPEAKER_1: They said, I’m just so anxious.

SPEAKER_1: By the way, every creative person I have ever met experiences this lack of creative flow from time to time.

SPEAKER_1: And I know this, right?

SPEAKER_1: I experience it myself.

SPEAKER_1: So I asked them, how do you know you’re anxious?

SPEAKER_1: As we talked through what they were actually experiencing, here’s what they said.

SPEAKER_1: I have a free day off from work today.

SPEAKER_1: I wanted to spend it creating, but I don’t feel it, and I don’t know what to create.

SPEAKER_1: I repeated back to them what they told me.

SPEAKER_1: When I paused, my friend realized they didn’t feel anxious.

SPEAKER_1: What they actually felt was uncertain.

SPEAKER_1: Two very different things, two very different mindsets.

SPEAKER_1: Uncertainty was creating a feeling of anxiety in their mind and in their body.

SPEAKER_1: Cortisol was flowing, and as it hit the body, it created static on their mental TV screen.

SPEAKER_1: Now, once they got in touch with that awareness, I heard them take a sigh of relief.

SPEAKER_1: They were able to identify the origin story for the thought and the feeling, and that improved their mindset.

SPEAKER_1: This took a matter of minutes.
SPEAKER_1: And then I said, “Okay, I understand you’re feeling uncertain about what to create. I understand you’re feeling frustrated. Is that the same or different from anxiety?”

SPEAKER_1: Again, they realized those feelings were different from one another, and that realization improved their mindset.

SPEAKER_1: And then I asked, “What do you know about your creativity?”

SPEAKER_1: Because they slowed down their thinking process, they were able to recognize that they had in fact experienced plenty of creative droughts all across the years that eventually became floods of creativity.

SPEAKER_1: As their mind calmed down, they became present with what was real.

SPEAKER_1: The mind got tame and their mindset improved.
SPEAKER_1: Finally, I asked, “Aside from feeling uncertain, what else is true for you right now?”

SPEAKER_1: The magic question.

SPEAKER_1: A few minutes later, they recognized that because they had had a day off from work, they had the freedom to choose how they spent that day.

SPEAKER_1: They realized they had friends to share the day with.

SPEAKER_1: They were healthy.

SPEAKER_1: They had a safe home.

SPEAKER_1: They had enough food in their refrigerator.

SPEAKER_1: They had money to do something that they wanted to do that would bring them joy that day.

SPEAKER_1: And all of that led to gratitude, and that gratitude completely changed their mindset.

SPEAKER_1: The initial I’m anxious message created an untamed mindset that was harmful to them.

SPEAKER_1: But when they slowed down, they observed their thoughts, and they took a few minutes to understand what they were thinking and why.

SPEAKER_1: Then they focused their awareness on what else was also true for them, their mindset, thoughts, and feelings improved.

SPEAKER_1: The conversation spanned less than 15 minutes.
SPEAKER_1: So the moral to this story is that no matter where you are right now, no matter what you

are navigating, you have the power to change your mindset, and that will determine how you navigate whatever it is that you are experiencing in this moment.

SPEAKER_1: Your mindset will help you become a magnet for other people and amazing things in your life, or it can be a repellent, and that choice is up to you.

SPEAKER_1: So now it’s time to reframe our key points from today.

SPEAKER_1: Number one. We’re never stuck.

SPEAKER_1: Neuroscience has proven that our brains are not fixed, and that is a beautiful truth.

SPEAKER_1: We have the power to heal, to learn, and to grow every single day of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Number two. Mindset can be your greatest asset or your greatest liability.

SPEAKER_1: Either way, the choice is yours.

SPEAKER_1: Number three, investing energy and time in your mindset is a total life game changer.

SPEAKER_1: It transforms everything because it transforms the choices that we make.

SPEAKER_1: It determines how you think, feel, and how you live this fabulous thing called life.

SPEAKER_1: Thanks again for being here today.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re ready to team your mindset and transform your life, head to the contact form on my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Send me a little note.
SPEAKER_1: Let’s explore what’s possible for you together.
SPEAKER_1: Before we part today, I want you to remember this.
SPEAKER_1: There’s only one you.
SPEAKER_1: And in case no one’s told you yet today, that’s what makes you simply amazing.

SPEAKER_1: Big love, babes.
SPEAKER_1: I’ll see you next week.
SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.
SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in!

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

BIG THANKS to the team at Stanford and beyond for their research!

Suggested reading: How to Unfuck Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life

Learning to Fly: How to Navigate Life’s Challenge’s With Pat Wetzel

Learning to Fly: How to Navigate Life’s Challenge’s With Pat Wetzel

 

LEARNING TO FLY: HOW TO NAVIGATE LIFE’S CHALLENGES WITH PAT WETZEL

TRANSCRIPT

SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.

SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_2: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, Amazing Ones!

SPEAKER_1 Thank you for choosing to tune in today.

SPEAKER_1: I am so damn glad that you made it, because that means you are curious about what’s possible for yourself and for your life, and that is a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_1: I have another inspirational show lined up for you today, one that I know will fuel your mind, find a nook in your heart, and remind you that no matter where you are right now, everything truly is possible.

SPEAKER_1: This week, we’re talking about how to navigate life’s challenges into transformational, enriching opportunities that lead you to discover your strongest, most badass and beautiful self from a woman who has been there, done that, and is literally soaring.

SPEAKER_1: Our guest this week is the fabulously courageous and wise Pat Wetzel, speaker, storyteller, fellow podcaster, world traveler, and author of the soulful book, Bump In the Road, 15 Stories of Courage, Hope and Resilience.

SPEAKER_1: Pat’s journeys so far, have taken her from Wall Street to 30,000 feet, flying her sailplane over the Sierras. Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_1: When I first learned about Pat’s tragedy to triumph story, I knew we had to invite her here to join us on She Grabs The Mic.

SPEAKER_1: Today you will learn about not one, not two, but the series of unexpected life challenges Pat has navigated.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll learn how meditation mindset and her sheer will to live changed her life and led her to endless possibilities.

SPEAKER_1: And you’ll learn three tips from Pat that will help you soar in the face of challenge.

SPEAKER_1: Pat is an amazing woman, and I know that you are absolutely going to love, love, love getting to know her.

SPEAKER_1: So without further ado, welcome, Pat. I am so thrilled that you are here with us!

SPEAKER_2: Oh, I’m thrilled to be here, thank you.

SPEAKER_1: It’s always a joy and my  good fortune for me to meet an amazing woman who has so much depth, so many stories to share that will inspire other women.

SPEAKER_1: From the first time that I learned about your story, I was blown away. The first time we had a conversation, I had the same feeling.

SPEAKER_1: I have really been looking forward to having you on the show today.

SPEAKER_2: Well, thank you. It’s really nice to be here.

SPEAKER_1: All right, before we dive into your inspirational series of life-challenging stories, let’s talk about flying your sailplane over the Sierras.

SPEAKER_1: What is a sailplane, Pat?
SPEAKER_2: Most people would refer to a sailplane as a glider.

SPEAKER_2: They’re very high-performance airplanes, usually with no engine, and they depend upon the energy in the air to navigate a course.

SPEAKER_2: So you might find thermal energy.

SPEAKER_2: For example, a cloud usually has some energy underneath it because the hot air is rising to the dew point.

SPEAKER_2: So clouds can be a marker.
SPEAKER_2: You might be the wind against a bridge or against a mountain range.

SPEAKER_1: It might be a blue street, a totally inexplicable street of rising air that just goes across the sky.

SPEAKER_2: There are all sorts of different types of lift, and the challenge is to find these invisible sources of air and navigate your flight.

SPEAKER_2: It’s kind of a metaphor, if you will, for life.

SPEAKER_1: It absolutely is. I was just thinking that same thing.

SPEAKER_1: All right, so describe what it feels like to fly in a sailplane. Are you with another person? Are you on your own? What is the experience like?

SPEAKER_2: Well, you start flying with an instructor in a two-seat ship.

SPEAKER_2: In my case, from there, I went to a low-performance plane, a 126, and then from there to an ASW 20A, which is a higher-performing plane and a single-seat plane.

SPEAKER_2: I think for many people who really get involved in soaring, they end up in single-seat planes.

SPEAKER_1: Wow.
SPEAKER_1: How do you take off in a sailplane?
SPEAKER_2: Carefully.
SPEAKER_1: Is it from being on top of something like a mountain?  Is it on a runway? How does it work?

SPEAKER_2: There are two ways.

SPEAKER_2: A winch, which I’ve never done, and being towed from a runway.

SPEAKER_2: These are big planes, 15 to 20 some odd meter planes.

SPEAKER_2: So you have an enormous amount of wingspan to deal with.

SPEAKER_2: And typically, what you’ll find is you’ll have a rope that attaches the hook of the sailplane to the tail of the tow plane, and you climb together.

SPEAKER_2: The sailplane usually takes off first, so you have to be able to fly low, consistently, safely, until the tow plane gets off, and then you fly in formation in the air up to your agreed upon release altitude.

SPEAKER_1: How do you land?

SPEAKER_2: Carefully.

SPEAKER_1: I had a feeling you were going to say that.

SPEAKER_1: What’s the most thrilling part for you about flying in a sailplane?

SPEAKER_2: Oh, there are several things.

SPEAKER_2: First, a bit of a joke.

SPEAKER_2: There are in aviation, flying is the second greatest thrill known to mankind. Landing is the first.

SPEAKER_2: With that as a preface, I think soaring is magic.

SPEAKER_2: It’s amazing to be able to fly through the air, fly long distances, fly high heights with no engine and just relying on the energy of the earth.

SPEAKER_2: It’s a very humbling experience.

SPEAKER_2: It’s a very exhilarating experience.

SPEAKER_2: It is an experience that certainly left me with an enormous amount of appreciation for the power and the beauty of the earth and a great deal of appreciation for man’s very small place in it all.

SPEAKER_1: As you’re describing this, Pat, it seems to me that it would require a heck of a lot of courage to be sailing and relying on the energy of the earth.

SPEAKER_1: And I know that that courage has been a persistent theme for you across your life because you have faced some really hard stuff and you have so many stories to tell about navigating those unexpected life challenges and choosing to be a victor instead of a victim.

SPEAKER_1:  would love it if you would kind of give us the 30,000 view, no pun intended, view into your road to here, like the stories in your life that led you to where you are right now.

SPEAKER_2: Well, it’s a really long and somewhat complicated story, but let me divide it into three pieces.

SPEAKER_2: The first part, I was in New York in the bond market working on multi-billion-dollar deals back when a billion dollars was a lot of money, and doing really interesting things.

SPEAKER_2: I was getting very tired, I couldn’t swallow, I was losing weight.

SPEAKER_2: And it turned out I had a rare neurologic disease, which totally sidelined my life for a little over a decade.

SPEAKER_2: So I had a decade of maybe focusing on other qualities within myself and of not really knowing where I was going, not knowing what my health would do.

SPEAKER_2: It was very difficult.
SPEAKER_2: My ex-husband decided to run off with his nurse and kind of left me stranded.

SPEAKER_2: That opened the door to a really new piece of life because my disease, which was my Asthenia Gravis, was fairly stable.

SPEAKER_2: I was tired, but it was stable.

SPEAKER_2: I went cross-country to visit some friends, wondering what am I going to do?

SPEAKER_2: I mean, this is not an ideal set of circumstances.

SPEAKER_1: And when I was out in Calistoga, this would have been around 1989 or so, I went up for a ride in a glider.

SPEAKER_2: Now, it didn’t really wow me.
SPEAKER_2: It wasn’t that remarkable or anything.
SPEAKER_2: It was just an experience.
SPEAKER_2: And I put it aside.
SPEAKER_2: I went back east where I was living, and I heard about a group of lawyers that were flying sailplanes out of a local airport, a private airfield, actually.

SPEAKER_2: And I invited myself out for a three-day weekend.

SPEAKER_2: I was hooked, absolutely hooked!

SPEAKER_2: So, that kind of entered this very adventuresome stage of my life that is a 180 degree contrast to the previous decade.

SPEAKER_2: None of this was smooth or perfect or easy.

SPEAKER_2: It was a little ugly at times.

SPEAKER_2: But all of a sudden, my world really opened up.

SPEAKER_2: And one day, I showed up at the airfield, and Sam, who was a World War II Navy pilot, had been my instructor.

SPEAKER_2: He had a small 126, an airplane, weighed and balanced just for me, because at the time I was so much smaller than all the guys.

SPEAKER_2: So I could show up at the airfield and fairly quickly be up in the air.

SPEAKER_2: Well, I showed up on this beautiful Saturday with the clouds puffing in the sky, and my plane, my, quote unquote, my plane wasn’t there.

SPEAKER_2: He had offered it to an air show. I was furious, absolutely furious.

SPEAKER_2: And I remembered hearing about some people flying sailplanes on the radio, and they flew out of a field about an hour south.

SPEAKER_2: So I got in the car and I headed south. I was gonna find this other group, and I did.

SPEAKER_2: I pulled up and there’s a big sign saying, private property, go away, do not enter, we don’t want you here.

SPEAKER_2: I pulled in.  And I saw this grid of like 20 beautiful, beautiful white fiberglass sailplanes just ready to launch.

SPEAKER_2: It was incredible!
SPEAKER_1: I’d never really seen anything like this before.

SPEAKER_2: So I joined on the spot, and then I realized that the plane situation there was no better than it was at my other field.

SPEAKER_2: I essentially had to buy a plane to fly with this group.

SPEAKER_2: So that started another adventure.

SPEAKER_2: It led to me going cross country with my sailplane and relocating to the Tahoe area.

SPEAKER_2: That’s kind of stage two.

SPEAKER_2: Let’s see. Stage three would be being diagnosed with supposedly incurable cancer.

SPEAKER_2: And that led to my getting involved in the web. I was diagnosed in 2009.

SPEAKER_2: So this was around 2011 or so.

SPEAKER_2: I started a website and it did very, very well.

SPEAKER_2: And all this was, I hadn’t done anything like this before.

SPEAKER_2: But as a result of my cancer experience, I realized that one of the predominant emotions and experiences of cancer was severe social isolation.

SPEAKER_2: So, I created an app that dealt with that and some other aspects of cancer.

SPEAKER_2: I went down to Silicon Valley to raise money.
SPEAKER_2: I had some potential interests, but I needed a beta in order to provide some data on it. SPEAKER_1: I hired a group to do all the tech stuff.

SPEAKER_2: I’m not a tech person.

SPEAKER_2: And I waited. And I waited. And I waited.

SPEAKER_2: I phoned. I emailed. No response.

SPEAKER_2: I got my lawyer, my very expensive lawyer involved, and they informed me they had registered all my intellectual property with the US. Patent Office as their own.

SPEAKER_2: And my only option was to sue them.

SPEAKER_2: Oh my God.

SPEAKER_2: A suit would cost in increments of half a million dollars, take at least three years, and there’s no guaranteed outcome.

SPEAKER_2: So we’re going to enter the next stage of life.

SPEAKER_1: My God.

SPEAKER_2: At this point, I am so stressed, as you can imagine.

SPEAKER_2: I mean, I’ve been through six years of on-again, off-again cancer treatments and trying to do something really good.

SPEAKER_2: And this happens.

SPEAKER_2: It was just beyond my comprehension.

SPEAKER_2: My hair is falling out from stress, not from chemo.

SPEAKER_2: I’m vomiting blood.

SPEAKER_2: I go to see my oncologist, who’s sure he can find something wrong with me if he racks up another $50,000 worth of tests.

SPEAKER_2: And I just left that office thinking, you know, this is not my life.

SPEAKER_2: If indeed my cancer is back and I’d already been through three reoccurrences, I probably have 18 to 24 months to live before it’s just all over my body.

SPEAKER_2: And I just never followed up.
SPEAKER_2: I left, I left down this gray corridor past the billing office into this gray elevator that sunk down ever so slowly.

SPEAKER_2: And I thought, you know, this is not my life.

SPEAKER_2: I decided to just sell my house and put everything in storage and go travel for a while.

SPEAKER_2: That turned out to be a really interesting decision on many levels because it really brought me back to my original love.

SPEAKER_2: I went to business school and majored in finance, but everybody always thought I would write, and I always enjoyed writing.

SPEAKER_2: As I hit the road, I started a blog called Cancer Road Trip.

SPEAKER_2: I won some awards for both writing and photography. and it started to ease me into what I’m doing now.

SPEAKER_2: As I was traveling around the world with Cancer Road Trip, I got a little bit, oh, I don’t know, homesick.

SPEAKER_2: So I decided to spend Christmas in Santa Fe. I always loved Santa Fe.
SPEAKER_2: I got stuck there during COVID. So what do you do?

SPEAKER_2: I decided to start a podcast, and that is how Bump in the Road came to be.

SPEAKER_2: Because I was truly personally interested in how people navigate these bumps. Obviously I needed to learn something.
SPEAKER_1: And obviously you had so much to teach.

SPEAKER_1:  want to just pause here for a second, because you’re stating everything so matter of factly, right?

SPEAKER_1: You went through some really hard things. SPEAKER_1: An incredible career shift. I mean, it was like from one extreme to the other.

SPEAKER_1: And I wonder if now, in the way that you’ve described it, if it was not returning home to the truest version of yourself, you know, sinking into your writing and flying and living in the way that you chose to live.

SPEAKER_1: You had this divorce from somebody who chose someone else.

SPEAKER_1: And then you also had this incredible professional betrayal, you know, as you were trying to build something to serve the world.

SPEAKER_2: Then, somebody made a nefarious decision and stole that right out from under you.

SPEAKER_1: But there was something inside of you that day in the elevator. And that’s what I really want to understand.

SPEAKER_1: Looking back now at that moment in time, traveling down in the gray elevator, down through the gray corridors, and making that choice for yourself to say, this is not my life.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to go find my life.

SPEAKER_1: What made that possible for you?

SPEAKER_2: I think it was a combination of many things, but I think there were a few factors.

SPEAKER_12 One, it was a shift that took place over many years from being externally oriented to internally oriented.

SPEAKER_2: What is right for me?
SPEAKER_2: What resonates with me?
SPEAKER_12 I think there’s a piece of me that just loves adventure. SPEAKER_2: I’m one of those people who loves to be outside their comfort zone. I know that makes people cringe, but I really do.

SPEAKER_2: I think that’s where there’s possibility and creativity.
SPEAKER_2: So I’m a little more inclined to put myself in that type of position. And that’s where you learn.
SPEAKER_2: I think learning is such an important part of life.

SPEAKER_2: I think it’s too easy to get into a rut, into this is the way things are done, this is who I am, and stay there for decades.

SPEAKER_2: And I think we do ourselves a disservice by not investigating ourselves more. SPEAKER_2: I agree with you.

SPEAKER_1: I’m still wanting to go a little deeper on this question with you, because I know that there are people listening right now who are navigating difficult challenges in their life, maybe none quite as difficult, maybe some even more difficult, it’s all relative, right?

SPEAKER_1: Maybe they’re scratching their heads thinking “How do I make that pivot?”

SPEAKER_1: How do I move from a place where I really just kind of want to give in to the difficulty and sink?

SPEAKER_1: How do I move from that place mentally?

SPEAKER_1: How do I move myself from that place, from a soul, on a soul level, to this place of saying, no, I’m going to choose my life?

SPEAKER_1: Because Pat, you had heartbreak, you had anger, you had disappointment, you had frustration, you had potentially fear from the cancer diagnosis, all of these things.

SPEAKER_1: And even though I hear that it took time to get there, and there was this intrinsic orientation, that was part of the shift.

SPEAKER_1: What would you say if you could tell the self that was navigating all of that, what would you say to her in this moment based on what you’ve learned about yourself and your life now?

SPEAKER_2: Trust yourself and look within.

SPEAKER_2: Meditation was a real game changer for me, because it allowed me to still my mind and to become an observer of my thoughts.

SPEAKER_2: And when you observe your thoughts, you become conscious of them, and when you become conscious, you have choice.

SPEAKER_2: So I think that’s a big part of the journey.
SPEAKER_2: I don’t think any of us navigate these things very gracefully, quite honestly. They’re difficult, and they invoke a range of emotions, and all those emotions are okay. But you don’t want to stay stuck in any of the negative energy.

SPEAKER_2: Anger might be great to get you motivated initially, but it’s not a long-term emotion to stay rooted in.

SPEAKER_2: I think as you find peace, in my case, through meditation, and I found, strangely, enormous joy going through cancer.

SPEAKER_2: I know that sounds very strange to many people, but I just experienced joy, such joy, in my everyday life.

SPEAKER_2: That is one thing that certainly empowers me to move forward, is that I know the joy is always there, and I can plug into that.

SPEAKER_2: I think that’s a choice in terms of how you live your life. SPEAKER_2: You can live your life in difficulty, in unhappiness.
SPEAKER_2: You can choose to live in a more positive place.
SPEAKER_2: And I think that cultivating the ability to do that is really important.

SPEAKER_2: And I say cultivating the ability, because let’s take meditation, for example. It’s a practice.

SPEAKER_2: You have to do it.
SPEAKER_2: It’s imperfect.
SPEAKER_2: But the more you do it, the better you get at it.
SPEAKER_2: And the more, the deeper and richer your experiences are.
SPEAKER_2: So I think that learning to be present, learning to cultivate these abilities is very important.

SPEAKER_2: Martha McSally in my podcast once said that courage is a muscle.
SPEAKER_2: I think that applies to any attribute.
SPEAKER_2: The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I agree with you.
SPEAKER_1: And I have had a very similar experience with the power of meditation in my own life.

SPEAKER_1:  so appreciate what you said. Sometimes it’s messy.

SPEAKER_1: Going through these things, we feel all of these emotions.

SPEAKER_1: And that beautiful reminder that you just shared, and I’ll paraphrase, maybe inject a couple of my own extrapolations from what you just shared, is that, we might not like them, but they all serve a purpose.

SPEAKER_1: And then we have a choice whether we let them sink us or whether we, you know, sort of say, okay, this is what is here for me in this present moment, and let me see what I can do with that.

SPEAKER_1: Let me explore what is possible.

SPEAKER_1: Let me look for joy.

SPEAKER_1: I think that’s so incredible.

SPEAKER_1: And that is one thing I really want to emphasize here for anyone who is unfamiliar to meditation.

SPEAKER_1: It’s not always pretty. Mindfulness is not always peaceful.

SPEAKER_1: We’re not always going to like what we see, but it is important to remember that we have a choice all the time to decide what we do with what we discover.

SPEAKER_1: I think that’s what I really hear you saying, Pat. SPEAKER_2: I have a mantra these days.
SPEAKER_2: It’s, what can I learn?
SPEAKER_2: And it really is, what can I learn about myself? SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that’s awesome.

SPEAKER_1: You have a quote that just has taken up this little space in my heart, and it’s one of the reflections that you shared on your website.

SPEAKER_2: You said, “I have come to see life as a road trip full of bumps, potholes and extraordinary views.Sometimes you get lost.
Sometimes that’s good, sometimes that’s not. it’s all about the journey and what we learn along the way.”

SPEAKER_1: What have you learned so far that has been most significant for you about yourself?

SPEAKER_2: I think to always be internally oriented, not externally oriented.
SPEAKER_2: By that, I mean turn off your phone, ignore social media, turn off the TV.

SPEAKER_2: Find deeper, richer, more meaningful, more educational, more interesting things to do.

SPEAKER_2: And pay attention to your internal landscape, your internal voice and what it’s saying to you, because it’s within yourself that you will find peace and possibility and anything else you’re looking for.

SPEAKER_2: It’s not outside of you, it’s inside of you.

SPEAKER_1: Indeed, that’s beautiful.

SPEAKER_1: I am hearing that mindset has played a significant role in your life and not only managing all of the emotions that came up with across the series of challenges that you navigated, but mindset has also led you to this place of what’s possible, to this place of learning, growing, literally soaring through the air, discovering so many amazing truths about yourself and your life, so many possibilities.

SPEAKER_1: Could you have imagined back then that your life would be what it is right now?

SPEAKER_2: Oh my gosh, no.

SPEAKER_2: No one could have scripted this.

SPEAKER_2: But that’s something I throw out there for people, in that you actually don’t know what’s going to happen in your life.

SPEAKER_2: And nobody, what’s the old saying, man plans, God laughs. And I think that’s so true.

SPEAKER_2: I think what you need to do, and I would tell my younger self at every step of the way, is glean as much personal experience as you can from any interaction, from anything you do.

SPEAKER_2: Own it, examine it, keep it with you, and move on.
SPEAKER_2: And over time, you build a rich tapestry of experience.
SPEAKER_2: And I tend to think the wider our range of experiences, the more interesting life is.

SPEAKER_2: And on the one hand, I hate to say that because you don’t want to go really negative, but it’s nice to go really positive.

SPEAKER_2: But by knowing both, you better appreciate the whole range of things in between.

SPEAKER_2: It’s like you don’t know light until you know dark.

SPEAKER_2: You don’t know hot until you know cold.

SPEAKER_2: And I think by having a wide range of emotional, physical, practical experiences, you come to appreciate life ever more.

SPEAKER_1: I agree with you. I completely agree with you.

SPEAKER_1: There is so much wisdom that we can draw from ourselves because the truth is everything that we need to know is inside of us.

SPEAKER_1: If we allow ourselves to access that place, we are expansive.

SPEAKER_1: Brain science shows us that.
SPEAKER_1: We know we can learn new things.
SPEAKER_1: We know that we can integrate what we learn into ourselves, into our lives.

SPEAKER_1: And you have been masterful at weaving your tapestry.

SPEAKER_1: I love that expression.

SPEAKER_1: Okay. We’ve talked about the challenges.

SPEAKER_1: We’ve talked about, you know, the really hard stuff that you went through.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s shift gears into joy.

SPEAKER_1: I think that this is really important, Pat, because joy is something that so many of us miss because we’re hustling through our days.

SPEAKER_1: We’re dedicating a lot of time and energy on the outside world and what it thinks we should be or what we think we need to be or accomplish, you know, to be, quote, unquote, successful in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Placing attention there creates a lot of fear and worry and distraction.

SPEAKER_1: So my question for you is this.
SPEAKER_1: How do you know when you feel joy?

SPEAKER_12: Oh, it comes from within.

SPEAKER_2: It’s boundless.

SPEAKER_2: It’s just a wonderful feeling.

SPEAKER_2: And I think it’s accessible to all of us.

SPEAKER_2: I think the key to accessing our own joy is to slow down and to be present.

SPEAKER_2: I can vividly remember being very sick after chemo and seeing a butterfly fly.

SPEAKER_2: I mean, this sounds corny, but a butterfly fly through my garden.

SPEAKER_2: I remember lying in a hammock and the warm spring sun on my skin and a light breeze just blowing me back and forth.

SPEAKER_2: Being quiet, slowing down, being still, I think allows you to access those higher levels of awareness within yourself.

SPEAKER_1: Yes!
SPEAKER_1: I’m a butterfly watcher too.

SPEAKER_1: I was planting Coreopsis a few weeks ago. A couple days later, I went outside and I was going to water the little plants that I had put in the ground, and I saw these monarchs flying around.

SPEAKER_1: And I just stopped. I sat down on the hillside next to the flowers, these bright orange flowers and I just watched them, and I was like, wow, how many times have I missed this beauty in my life?

SPEAKER_1: And how lucky and joyful I am in this moment to be able to experience that. So I’m right there with you.

SPEAKER_1: What’s bringing you the most joy these days, aside from the butterflies and the sunshine on your skin, the breeze?

SPEAKER_1: What else have you got?

SPEAKER_2: I’m a pretty happy camper.  I have a book series.

SPEAKER_2: I’m moving this fall up to Idaho, where there’s a very active soaring community.

SPEAKER_2: I’m looking forward to that.
SPEAKER_2: I think what brings me joy most of all is sharing the stories of my guests on my podcast.I truly love my guests.

SPEAKER_2: And I love their stories.

SPEAKER_2: There is so much wisdom in story.

SPEAKER_2: Story is important because it engages us on an emotional level.

SPEAKER_2: And that’s experiential.

SPEAKER_2: So when you feel somebody’s path, when you feel their uncertainty, when you feel their pain, you’re really relating to them.

SPEAKER_2: And that’s something that stays with you and can help you guide your own life.

SPEAKER_2: So I think story and the wisdom in story is so incredibly important.

SPEAKER_2: We all need to communicate a little bit more in that way in a way that is not dictated by being Instagram perfect, but is much more real about the challenges we all face and how we find a path through them.

SPEAKER_1: Right, the depth, the depth of those human stories. SPEAKER_1: Yes!

SPEAKER_1: And I think they also remind us, Pat, when we’re going through some really hard stuff, we’re not alone.

SPEAKER_1: There are other people out there navigating things that, you know, maybe they’re similar or dissimilar, but, as I mentioned before, it’s all relative.

SPEAKER_1: The challenges that we face are relative.
SPEAKER_1: I remember this one time when I was 35.

SPEAKER_1: My son was almost five at the time, and I had to be rushed in for emergency surgery because I had this bacterial infection that had gotten into my system from this crack I had in my collarbone.

SPEAKER_1: I had been working with horses and got kicked in the collarbone. Six months later, I was in emergency surgery with the doctor saying, You have sepsis, and we’re going to try to save you.

SPEAKER_1: Those were the words.

SPEAKER_1: I remember coming out of that surgery, and my life in that moment became very different temporarily.

SPEAKER_1: It was hard for me to see that at the time, but I couldn’t pick my son up anymore.

SPEAKER_1: I was focusing on the things I could not do and felt pretty sorry for myself, truth be told.

SPEAKER_1: I had to go every week to get this pick line flushed because I had an IV that threaded from my subclavian artery down to my heart for eight weeks, where I gave myself IV antibiotics daily.

SPEAKER_1: So I had to go get the line flushed out.
SPEAKER_1: I remember this one morning, I walked in, and I was feeling so sorry for myself, Pat.

SPEAKER_1: I was feeling, you know, despondent, not like my usual self.
SPEAKER_1: It was very difficult for me to see to the other side of what I was navigating.

SPEAKER_1: And, I remember that I had this, the incredible fortune of meeting this nurse who looked at me and she said, Dear one, this is just a window in time, and you can choose to see it or you can choose to ignore it, but that is simply what it is.

SPEAKER_1: I remember seeing other people in that office who were going through what I would consider to be much worse than I was.

SPEAKER_1: And I remember thinking, I need to hear one of their stories.

SPEAKER_1: I sat down with one of them and had the good fortune of them being willing to share a story with me.

SPEAKER_1: There was so much the power in that. I no longer felt that I was alone, that I was the only one suffering in that moment.

SPEAKER 1: But there were other people going through, you know, things that were just as hard for them.

SPEAKER_1: Just that feeling of not being alone, of being seen and understood by someone else gave me so much strength.

SPEAKER_1: So I can totally appreciate what you’re saying about the community we build in story, the humanity we build in story, and the depth.

SPEAKER_1: It’s not just a sound bite, is it?

SPEAKER_1: It’s the willingness to be vulnerable and go to that depth and provide that color.

SPEAKER_1: You are so masterful at doing that in your stories and in your podcast and through your book.

SPEAKER_1: Just absolutely amazing storyteller, Pat!

SPEAKER_1: Thank you. Thank you for choosing to share those stories with the world!

SPEAKER_2: Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_2: And I have to thank all my guests who are just amazing.

SPEAKER_1: I think that as you meet people, you need to have compassion.

SPEAKER_2: And if you knew their stories, you would never be judgmental.

SPEAKER_2: You would always have compassion.

SPEAKER_2: That’s something we can also cultivate, is recognizing everything’s not perfect.

SPEAKER_2: I interviewed a very attractive man the other day on my podcast.

SPEAKER_2: He’s a male model.

SPEAKER_2: And his life looks so perfect. I mean, just so perfect.

SPEAKER_2: Traveling the world, exotic locations, four-star hotels, you know, on the cover of this and that.

SPEAKER_2: But underneath it all, for many years, his life was utterly wretched and falling apart. SPEAKER_1: And I think that that’s true for all of us in one way or the other.
SPEAKER_2: Nobody has a perfect life.

SPEAKER_2: I think that you need to cultivate whatever the lesson is in what you perceive to be those imperfections.

SPEAKER1: Yes. I agree with you.

SPEAKER_1: We never know what the other person is going through until we take the time to understand.

SPEAKER_1: And sometimes I think it’s just enough to say, I see you, I accept you, I love you.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to love you right through whatever you’re dealing with because we do all indeed have a story.

SPEAKER_1: I want to talk a little bit about your travels because you have traveled all over the place.

SPEAKER_1: What has traveling taught you about yourself and about others that has been most meaningful for you?

SPEAKER_2: I think travel is often a mirror to yourself.

SPEAKER_1: And the thing that’s magical about travel is its very present moment.

SPEAKER_2: You’re outside your comfort zone, in most cases.

SPEAKER_2: You’re in a new environment.

SPEAKER_2: You may have new smells, new foods, new languages.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a moment of being very present.

SPEAKER_2: And I think that’s part of the allure of travel, particularly if you can follow the smell of wafting garlic down a cobblestone road.

SPEAKER_2: I’m not a big group person, so for me, wandering and seeing whatever I stumble upon is very intriguing for me.

SPEAKER_2: You always learn something.
SPEAKER_2: I know when I travel, I always look for something I really enjoy about a particular location.

SPEAKER_2: For example, I lived in New Orleans for a year, and during that year, I really cultivated a taste for chicory coffee with milk and sugar.

SPEAKER_2: And for years, I ordered chicory coffee and had it delivered to wherever I was living. SPEAKER_1: Those are little things.
SPEAKER_2: I do that now with pinion coffee, actually, out of New Mexico.

SPEAKER_2: I’ve developed a real taste for that.

SPEAKER_2: But I think that part of the joy of travel is challenging your world, your worldview, and realizing people live very differently in different parts of the world.

SPEAKER_2: And I hope that fosters a lack of arrogance, if you will, because the world is not necessarily the way we think it is.

SPEAKER_2: It’s actually far more interesting than that. SPEAKER_1: I love that.
SPEAKER_1: What’s your favorite place that you’ve been to so far? SPEAKER_2: Oh, no one favorite.

SPEAKER_2: I grew up traveling a lot as a child.
SPEAKER_2: My uncle was in the Navy when it was stationed in the south of France.

SPEAKER_2: They had a villa, and we’d go over there for summers, and we’d go down to Greece, into Italy.

SPEAKER_2: I knew Paris better than New York growing up.

SPEAKER_2: I come by my comfort with Wanderlust, kind of honestly.

SPEAKER_1: There is a lot of perceived divisiveness amongst cultures of people, right?

SPEAKER_1: This culture is better than that culture, this race is better than this race.

SPEAKER_1: What sort of wisdom do you have to share on that based on what you’ve learned?

SPEAKER_1: What do you see as a possibility for cultivating a new mindset about other cultures, other people that are different from the people that we are?

SPEAKER_2: I would actually say we’re all the same.

SPEAKER_2: We have the same hopes and aspirations.

SPEAKER_2: We have the same emotions.

SPEAKER_2: The thing I would say is slow down, talk to people, try to understand, be open- minded, be willing to let go of some of your rigid beliefs.

SPEAKER_2: You might just find something more interesting to replace them.

SPEAKER_1: I love that, Pat!

SPEAKER_1: Let’s talk about your fabulous book, Bump in the Road, 15 Stories of Courage, Hope and Resilience.

SPEAKER_1: What is your greatest hope for this body of work that you’ve created?

SPEAKER_2: I hope it touches people.

SPEAKER_2: When they’re feeling down and they feel like they just can’t go forward and they’re really stuck, I hope in these stories, there is wisdom that you can glean onto and have it impact your life in a positive way.

SPEAKER_2: This is the first book in a series.

SPEAKER_2: The next book is Bump in the Road, Strong Women.

SPEAKER_2: I’m looking at Bump in the Road Business.

SPEAKER_1: Trying to choose just 15 people is very hard.

SPEAKER_2: I started the book about a year and a half into the podcast when I realized I had so much wisdom here that it had to be shared.

SPEAKER_2: One of the people in the book is Eric Blinemayer.

SPEAKER_2: He is a mountain climber, a famous mountain climber.

SPEAKER_2: At the age of 16, he went blind.

SPEAKER_2: He went on to climb Everest, the Seven Summits, and he spent eight years training to kayak the Colorado River Rapids.

SPEAKER_2: He’s just amazing!
SPEAKER_2: And really, he has a not-for-profit, No Barriers USA.

SPEAKER_2: If you’re looking for a great group to support, he focuses mostly on the disability community and veterans and runs not only inspirational programs, but kind of like outward-bound programs.

SPEAKER_2: Anyway, Eric tells a story, and I like to tell this story because I think that it’s one that we can all relate to.

SPEAKER_2: It’s his story.

SPEAKER_2: He divides the world into three groups.

SPEAKER_2: Now, the groups are fluid.

SPEAKER_2: We’ve all been in each of these groups, and we all move between these groups.

SPEAKER_2: The first group are quitters.They’re self-evident.

SPEAKER_2: The vast majority of people are campers.

SPEAKER_2: Campers want to stay in their comfort zone, and in all fairness, they may be so beaten up by life, they don’t want to put their head outside the foxhole anymore.

SPEAKER_2: And then very few people are climbers.

SPEAKER_2: And the reason I do my podcast is I, and write the books and everything, I am fascinated by what it takes to go from being a camper to a climber, because we all have it within us.

SPEAKER_2: And when you’re a climber, you’re living a realized life, and that’s where you want to be.

SPEAKER_1: Yes!.

SPEAKER_1: That’s amazing.

SPEAKER_1: I have a friend of mine with a very similar story, Chad Foster, who lost his sight when he was 21.

SPEAKER_1: They might have suffered from the same thing. SPEAKER_1: And Chad has gone on to do incredible things in his life as well.

SPEAKER_1: I share your fascination with what is it, you know, what is that, the difference in our intrinsic meter, that will that we have to move from camper, I love that phrase, camper to climber.

SPEAKER_1: It’s fascinating.

SPEAKER_2: And how do we cultivate it?

SPEAKER_1: Right, right.

SPEAKER_1: How do we cultivate that in ourselves and then inspire that in other people?

SPEAKER_1: Amazing Ones, this is an incredible book for you to pick up.
SPEAKER_1: I will include links to Pat’s book in the show notes as well, so you all can pick that up.

SPEAKER_1: So Pat, as we’ve talked about, life will throw us curveballs.

SPEAKER_1: And sometimes when those babies fly, it can feel almost impossible to pull ourselves up and keep going, to believe that what we’re experiencing will ever end or improve.

SPEAKER_1: What three tips in your infinite wisdom up until now can you offer to anyone who is facing big challenges and walking through their own version of hell to help them get to the other side and fly?

SPEAKER_2: I call it when you hit these roadblocks that just seem endless, I call it being stuck in the muck.
SPEAKER_2: Know that the muck does not last forever.
SPEAKER_2: There is another side.

SPEAKER_2: And that is so important to absolutely believe with every fiber of your being, because it’s very, very easy to just descend into darkness when really tough things happen.

SPEAKER_2: I would say, you also, I would urge anybody to reach out for help if you really hit a bad bump.

SPEAKER_2: Being able to talk through things in a non-judgmental way, I think can be very, very valuable.

SPEAKER_2: Thirdly, look within.

SPEAKER_2: Everything you need is within you, but you have to cultivate those strengths.

SPEAKER_2: You have to see them in yourself, first and foremost, and cultivate them.

SPEAKER_2: And you have to be present.

SPEAKER_2: If you’re present and you’re internally aligned, things will work out step by step.

SPEAKER_2: It is not instantaneous, but you can come to the other side of a bump in the road in a much better place than where you started.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you.

SPEAKER_1: I hear, know the muck won’t last forever, to reach out for help, talk it through with someone, find support.

SPEAKER_1: Number three, look within, because everything that you have is inside of you. SPEAKER_2: That’s beautiful.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you for those.
SPEAKER_1: All right, Amazing Ones.Here’s the big aha this week that we’ve gleaned from Pat.

SPEAKER_1: On those dark days when the challenges in your life feel hard or even impossible to navigate, remember this, you can choose to sink or you can choose to soar.

SPEAKER_1: That’s the beautiful truth, because at the start and end of every day, we all have the power to choose our mindset, which means that we can choose how we meet every moment of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for joining us today, Pat, and for sharing your highlights of your stories with us for the bodies of work that you are putting into the world through your book and your podcast, your books and your podcast.

SPEAKER_1: If our listeners would like to learn more about you or anything that you’re up to, how to fly a sailplane, how to listen to your podcast, what’s the best way for them to find you?

SPEAKER_2: The best place to start is bumpintheroad.us

SPEAKER_2: That’s the website, and it will link you to everything else out there.

SPEAKER_1: That’s awesome.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_1: Again, I deeply appreciate the human that you are, the way that you are choosing to show up and live your big, fabulous life.

SPEAKER_1: It is great!

SPEAKER_1: I would love to see videos of you flying your sailplane.
SPEAKER_1: If you have any of those, send them my way, so I can put those in the show notes too.

SPEAKER_1: It’s just would be an incredible thing to witness.
SPEAKER_1: As we sign off today, I want everyone listening to remember that we have all experienced really difficult times.

SPEAKER_1: Some of us are going through them right now.

SPEAKER_1: And when we share our stories and community, as Pat has mentioned, we remember that we’re not alone and we gain strength because we connect with each other on the most human level and that allows us to grow.

SPEAKER_1: I want you to remember this.

SPEAKER_1: There is only one you in this big, beautiful world. And in case no one’s told you yet today, that is the thing that makes you amazing.

SPEAKER_1: Big love, babe.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll see you next week.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.

SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

Are you ready to develop a mindset of clarity and confidence that helps you create your most kick ass life? If you’re nodding head to my contact form and send me a note. Let’s explore how taming your mind with mindfulness based empowerment coaching can help you get there.

How To Worry Less And Improve Your Mental Health

How To Worry Less And Improve Your Mental Health

HOW TO WORRY LESS AND IMPROVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH TRANSCRIPT

SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell. SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present, and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Thank Welcome, amazing ones.

SPEAKER_1: I am so thrilled that you were here today.

SPEAKER_1: Wherever you are and whatever stage of life you are in, I want you to know this.

SPEAKER_1: You have the power to live your most kick-ass life and be your most amazing self because you have the power to control your mindset, and that is why we are here today.

SPEAKER_1: So welcome again.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you for choosing to show up, for me, for yourself, for the community.

SPEAKER_1: One person at a time, we have the power to change the world, and that is a powerful and beautiful truth.

SPEAKER_1: So speaking of mindset, let me ask you a couple of questions. SPEAKER_1: When was the last time that you worried about something?

SPEAKER_1: I’m talking about like worrying yourself to death, getting yourself all spun up and a little tizzy, and that worrying that you did actually made something better.

SPEAKER_1: What are you worried about right now and why?

SPEAKER_1: And for the bonus question, what would happen, what would be possible for your life if you took that energy that you are spending on worry and you put it somewhere else, you poured it into yourself, you poured it into your work, into your people, into your goals and dreams, what would be possible for you?

SPEAKER_1: This week we’re going to talk about how to worry less starting today. SPEAKER_1: You do not have to wait for tomorrow or for some distant point in the future. SPEAKER_1: You can do it right now and you can start to be well and you can start to live better.

SPEAKER_1: And I’m here to help you.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to help you understand what worry is, why we worry in the first place, the impact that worry has on our lives, and how you can break your cycle of worry with three mindful micro coaching practices if living well and feeling better is important to you.

SPEAKER_1: Now, let’s sort of level set here.

SPEAKER_1: All of us, every single one of us has worried about something at some point in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Sometimes we worry about small things like temporarily.

SPEAKER_1: It could be, for instance, can we find a babysitter or can we get a pitch together, choose the right slides, choose the right images from Canva.

SPEAKER_1: Can we pull that together?

SPEAKER_1: And so we might feel this little sense of nervousness, this little creep of anxiety, but it’s short lived because we solve the problem.

SPEAKER_1: But in other cases, we are constantly in cycles of worry and that can become very, very damaging to our mental and our physical health.

SPEAKER_1: And worry is really worth exploring because science has proven that there’s a direct correlation between worry and anxiety and anxiety and depression.

SPEAKER_1: In fact, in an April, 2024 helpguide.org article, the authors of the article said, and I quote, chronic worrying can also be a major symptom of generalized anxiety disorder, a common anxiety disorder that involves tension, nervousness and a general feeling of unease that colors your whole life, end quote.

SPEAKER_1: Now check out these three staggering 2024 stats from Mental Health America, number one, anxiety disorders are the highest reported mental health issue in the US with 42.5 million Americans claiming to suffer from this illness.

SPEAKER_1: Stat number two, there are 4.5 million children in the United States diagnosed and living with anxiety right now.

SPEAKER_1: Now I don’t know about you, but that statistic is absolutely soul crushing for me to think that there are 4.5 million children living and diagnosed with anxiety.

SPEAKER_1: And stat number three, women experience depression at roughly twice the rate of men.

SPEAKER_1: So if I kind of put some logic together here, that tells me that as women, we tend to worry perhaps a bit more, worry leading to anxiety and then also to depression.

SPEAKER_1: Now here’s what I know for my own life experience, my lived experience and from the women that I know, love and coach.

SPEAKER_1: The vast majority of us have more power to determine our mindset and our mental health than we realize or even believe in this moment.

SPEAKER_1: And that is one of the big whys for She Grabs The Mic.

SPEAKER_1: Because I know that if we can understand what we’re worried about, why we worry and break the cycle by choosing to shift our mindset because we have the tools and the knowledge, then we can reduce our anxiety and depression and we can disrupt the cycle for our children and actually live healthier and happier lives.

SPEAKER_1: And who doesn’t want more of that?

SPEAKER_1: I mean, we all want to be happy and well and healthy.

SPEAKER_1: We want to experience the best life we can.

SPEAKER_1: And the way I see it is the vast majority of us are holding that power right now because we have the power to shift and determine our mindset in every single moment.

SPEAKER_1: All right, amazing ones.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s start improving our mental health together right now by understanding what worry actually is.

SPEAKER_1: So I went to Merriam-Webster and I pulled up the definition.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s what I learned.

SPEAKER_1: Worry is defined as an incessant goading or attacking that drives one to desperation.

SPEAKER_1: In other words, stimulating a reaction like a thought or a pattern of worry that attacks us and breaks us down mentally and physically.

SPEAKER_1: And that is a pretty grim thought to think that we are throwing ourselves into that place.

SPEAKER_1: Now, I like to think of worry as a child of fear, a child that can be understood if we sit down with her and then taught something new so she doesn’t fit up and wreak havoc on our lives.

SPEAKER_1: It seems a little more manageable to me. SPEAKER_1: That’s just the way my brain works. SPEAKER_1: So the impact of worry on our lives is real.

SPEAKER_1: It creates stress and anxiety that can lead to depression. SPEAKER_1: That’s what we’ve just talked about.
SPEAKER_1: That’s what the science has shown.
SPEAKER_1: Worry causes us to lose sleep.

SPEAKER_1: How many times have you awakened in the middle of the night, two, three, four o’clock with your brain spinning because you’re worried about something?

SPEAKER_1: You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_1: I’ve been there.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe you’ve been there, too.

SPEAKER_1: Worry causes us to time travel to the past and the future, two moments in time that do not exist.

SPEAKER_1: Worry keeps us in cycles of swirl that become a downward spiral for our energy, our mood, and it stems with mindset.

SPEAKER_1: It starts with the thoughts that we have. SPEAKER_1: It can lead us to think the worst.

SPEAKER_1: It can rob us of our objectivity, and it can keep us isolated and cause a chain reaction that affects our children, our friends, our family members, our coworkers, and our community.

SPEAKER_1: Worry creates emotional dysregulation in our bodies and in our minds, and it disrupts our mental health, our sleep, as I just mentioned, and our well-being.

SPEAKER_1: So let’s dig in to what we worry about.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, my God, we can find all sorts of things to put on the worry list from really small things like, will my plane be on time, to really big things like climate change and war.

SPEAKER_1: We worry about whether or not we will have enough, enough food, enough stuff, enough money, savings for retirement, whether or not people will like us or accept us, whether we left the dryer or the oven on when we left the house, whether or not our relationship will be forever, and if it fails, will we have friends afterward?

SPEAKER_1: Where will we fit then?
SPEAKER_1: We worry that people will betray us or whether or not we’ll find a new gig after we get laid off or leave our jobs by choice.

SPEAKER_1: We worry whether or not guests will come to a party that we’ve planned, whether or not our team will win the big game, whether or not our car will break down on the way to work or on a family vacation.

SPEAKER_1: We worry about whether we’re lovable or good enough, whether past mistakes we made, what we didn’t do, what we could have done, what we should have done would change our lives.

SPEAKER_1: We worry about whether or not our contributions will be appreciated or valued, whether we’ll die alone, how we’ll die, who will come to our funeral services when we do.

SPEAKER_1: We worry about whether our kids will be happy, safe and healthy, or get accepted to their school of choice.

SPEAKER_1: We worry about all sorts of things.

SPEAKER_1: Why we worry can be different for every single one of us, but the common thread is that fear creates worry.

SPEAKER_1: And that stems from this little teeny tiny almond shaped part of the brain that processes emotions, stress, fear, worry, it’s called the amygdala.

SPEAKER_1: Our tendency to worry can stem from learned behavior, from our family members, you know, the women in my family were champions when it came to worrying.

SPEAKER_1: They worried about every single thing. Somebody could be going to visit a family member. Oh my God, I worry that they’ll get there. I worry whether they’ll be in a car crash. I worry if they’ll get a flat tire or run out of gas. They worried and I learned how to worry as a child.

SPEAKER_1: Sally R. Connolly, who is an LSCW and therapist, explains that “A biological predisposition for both of these conditions is often at the root of an individual’s battle. This seems to be true with anxiety disorders even more than with depression. Some people are just worriers and they pass it down.”

SPEAKER_1: So again, it can be learned from family.

SPEAKER_1: We could have suffered a traumatic experience, something that happened in the past that we’re still holding on to that causes worry in us today.

SPEAKER_1: We could have a false sense of security, this idea that if we worry, we can control the outcome, and that is simply not the case.

SPEAKER_1: And some of us worry because of the narratives and the stories that we create in our minds when we don’t know the answer.

SPEAKER_1: So I have a friend of mine whose children went to college and when they left the house, she started engaging in this major cycle of worry.

SPEAKER_1: She was tracking them on Life360. If she couldn’t see where they were or they didn’t respond, she was pacing the halls at night. Her husband was pacing the halls at night, kicked off this chain reaction to her sisters, to her father. And then a few hours later, she would invariably learn that the kids were just fine.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe they had turned off Life360 or they had turned off their phone or left their phone in their dorm room.

SPEAKER_1: But that cycle of worry absolutely disrupted her life. SPEAKER_1: Here’s what happens when we worry.

SPEAKER_1: We remove ourselves from what’s happening right now in this present moment, because we create a cycle where one bad thought leads to another until we are firmly in the swirl of stress, anxiety, nervousness, and it just absolutely overtakes us.

SPEAKER_1: It affects our thinking, it affects our energy, our mood, the way we feel in our physical bodies, and that causes us to lose our objectivity.

SPEAKER_1: We create a thinking pattern that becomes a habit, and that eventually breaks us down. SPEAKER_1: It impairs our mental health and our physical health.

SPEAKER_1: We enter these cycles of swirl, as I mentioned, this negativity and stress that creates nervousness and anxiety that consumes our thoughts and our state of well-being, and it can even lead us to depression, as science has shown us.

SPEAKER_1: Negative thoughts stimulate cortisol and adrenaline in our bodies, and when these chemicals are flooding our bodies, inflammation increases, our cognition becomes impaired, and we can become addicted to those chemicals.

SPEAKER_1: We can also become addicted to the cycles of stress and drama and chaos. SPEAKER_1: Now, the big deal is this.

SPEAKER_1: If you are a constant worrier, and you’ve been used to holding that space in your mind and in your life, it’s sometimes really, really, really tough to break the cycle because there’s a sense of emptiness.

SPEAKER_1: What will I hold? What will I do with my thoughts? How will I expend my energy?

SPEAKER_1: So, for all of my champion world-class worriers out there, the really big question is this.

SPEAKER_1: How do we stop worrying today so that we can start living and enjoying our lives with more freedom, ease, and a greater sense of overall well-being?

SPEAKER_1: The short answer is this.

SPEAKER_1: We get mindful.

SPEAKER_1: We pay attention to our mindset.

SPEAKER_1: And we do that by slowly and consistently developing a practice of tuning in to what is happening for us right here, right now, in the present, the only moment in time that is real.

SPEAKER_1: We start observing our thoughts and our words.

SPEAKER_1: We look at them as if they’re on a television screen.

SPEAKER_1: We get in touch with that.

SPEAKER_1: A lot of us are moving so quickly that we’re not in tune with what we’re thinking or feeling.

SPEAKER_1: We are reacting when that amygdala is sounding the alarm.
SPEAKER_1: We go into full states of fear, stress, worry, panic, anxiety, depression, and we can stop

that cycle when we just slow down.

SPEAKER_1: When we start challenging our tendency to worry with objectivity and intentionality, we have the power to break the cycle and to change our mindset to one of possibility and optimism.

SPEAKER_1: We can start to ask ourselves what could go right instead of focusing on what could go wrong.

SPEAKER_1: There are worry words.

SPEAKER_1: There is a language of worry, and I’m going to share that with you so that you can know you might be worrying if you are thinking or saying words like, I’ll be so worried if, I don’t know what I’ll do if, what happens if or when, I just hope, I’m just hoping, I’m praying it will be okay.

SPEAKER_1: I wonder if, what if, if this or that happens, then maybe I should have, I could have, it could have.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re using any of those words, you’re probably in a cycle of worry that could potentially lead to anxiety and depression.

SPEAKER_1: Now, all of us have said one or all of these phrases at some point or another, I certainly have.

SPEAKER_1: So, let’s pause here.

SPEAKER_1: Notice the tense of these statements.

SPEAKER_1: The first several represent the future.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll read them again.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll be so worried if or when, I don’t know what I’ll do if, I just hope, I’m just hoping, I’m praying it will be okay.

SPEAKER_1: I wonder if, what if, if this or that happens then.

SPEAKER_1: Those are all future looking statements. Now, the last two take place in the past.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe I should have, I could have, if only I had. SPEAKER_1: See what I mean?

SPEAKER_1: Those statements keep us time traveling and they rob us of what is happening right now in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Now, this is so important when it comes to shifting your mindset because thoughts create words and actions.

SPEAKER_1: And if you can catch your worry thoughts by observing them because you are present with what you are thinking right now, there’s a damn good chance that you can disrupt the cycle and get yourself out of the worry swirl.

SPEAKER_1: Observing or noticing your thoughts, amazing ones, this is basic mindfulness.

SPEAKER_1: It doesn’t mean we’re always going to like what we see.

SPEAKER_1: It means that we are aware of what is going on in our minds.

SPEAKER_1: And then once we are aware, we are in a place where we can make a choice, where we can determine our mindset.

SPEAKER_1: It’s that simple.

SPEAKER_1: But practicing it can be hard because if we’re used to being in the swirl and this cycle of frenzy and reactivity, emotional disregulation, it can be really tough to cultivate a new pattern.

SPEAKER_1: But neuroscience shows us that we can.
SPEAKER_1: We can disrupt negative patterns any time that we choose. SPEAKER_1: It is a matter of choice and it is a matter of consistent practice.

SPEAKER_1: Now, if you want to start worrying less, I am inviting you to say yes to three mindful practices that will help you start to develop a way of being and thinking that will help you shift your mindset.

SPEAKER_1: It will help you develop confidence and clarity and awareness that will improve your overall quality of life.

SPEAKER_1: It takes practice.
SPEAKER_1: Presence is practice.
SPEAKER_1: It’s not going to happen overnight.
SPEAKER_1: But the more you practice, the easier it becomes.
SPEAKER_1: And I am living proof of that.
SPEAKER_1: I caught myself over the weekend worrying about something.

SPEAKER_1: And I saw the thought, I felt it in my body.

SPEAKER_1: Because I had practiced, I was able to disrupt the cycle.

SPEAKER_1: I was able to say, all right, what’s going on here?

SPEAKER_1: Why are you spending energy in this place?

SPEAKER_1: And I was able to shift my mindset and then take a deep breath and move forward.

SPEAKER_1: So here are the three steps for you.

SPEAKER_1: Number one, name your worries and understand where they camp out.

SPEAKER_1: Make a list of what you’re worried about right now.

SPEAKER_1: Put pen to paper. Get it out of your brain and onto the page.

SPEAKER_1: For my nighttime warriors, this is also a super powerful practice to add to your bedtime routine.

SPEAKER_1: It will improve your sleep, your brain function, your cognition, and your overall mental and physical health.

SPEAKER_1: So get familiar with how you feel in your body when you are worrying.

SPEAKER_1: Where does it camp out and show up for you?

SPEAKER_1: I know I’m in a worry cycle when my thoughts start to feel like they’re in a blender, and then my heart begins to race, and that’s my signal to hit pause, to take a few breaths, and to name my worries so that I can become aware of them.

SPEAKER_1: Number two, get clear on the timeline.
SPEAKER_1: Worrying causes us to time travel, as I mentioned, most often to the past and to the future.

SPEAKER_1: So once you name your worries, ask yourself, where does my worry belong? Somewhere in the past? Somewhere in the future? Or is it something that is right here in the present moment for me?
SPEAKER_1: Number three, look for the evidence.

SPEAKER_1: What evidence do you have right now that you need to worry about that thing or that person or that situation?

SPEAKER_1: How will worrying be beneficial?

SPEAKER_1: What evidence do you have that something is going to go wrong?

SPEAKER_1: And then what could go right?

SPEAKER_1: That is one of the most important questions to ask because when we get in a cycle of worry, all we’re focused on is the worst.

SPEAKER_1: The bottom falling out, the other shoe dropping, whatever analogy you want to use, we rarely think about what could go right.

SPEAKER_1: But when we shift our mindset from that place of what could go wrong because we have the evidence in front of us to what could go right, we can liberate ourselves and disrupt the cycle.

SPEAKER_1: So as we wrap up, here’s the reframe for today.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s review what we’ve covered.

SPEAKER_1: First of all, worry can create stress, anxiety, and even depression. Science has shown us that.

SPEAKER_1: Worry can damage our mental health, our physical health, and diminish the goodness and ease in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Number two, we have power over our mental health, over our mindset.

SPEAKER_1: Understanding what’s happening behind the scenes, practicing, applying the tools that help us develop a healthy mindset is a choice.

SPEAKER_1: So once we have the information, what’s going on, why am I worrying, where does it belong, what is my evidence, oh, and here are the tools that I can use to break the cycle, then it becomes a matter of choice.

SPEAKER_1: Lastly, your mindset, Amazing Ones, can be your greatest asset or your greatest liability. And that choice is up to you in every single moment of every single day.

SPEAKER_1: If you are ready to stop worrying today, to shift your mindset, I invite you to start applying those three simple practices that I shared.

SPEAKER_1: Name your worries and understand where they camp out in your body.

SPEAKER_1: Get clear on the timeline and look for your evidence.

SPEAKER_1: Day by day, moment by moment, practice leads to presence.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for choosing to be right here right now.

SPEAKER_1: I know there are a gazillion other things you could have been doing or places that you could be.

SPEAKER_1: And I appreciate you from the bottom of my heart.
SPEAKER_1: And I’m high-fiving you for choosing to show up for yourself today.

SPEAKER_1: If this episode has been meaningful to you, I would be oh so super grateful if you would take a few seconds to tap the three little dots at the top right of your screen and tap the word follow.

SPEAKER_1: And please, please, please help me spread the good vibes to other women in your life by scrolling to the bottom of the show homepage, tapping the five stars and dropping a few kind words about the show and what it’s meant for you.

SPEAKER_1: I would be abundantly grateful.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you!

SPEAKER_1: As we wrap up today, remember this, there is only one you.

SPEAKER_1: And in case no one’s told you yet today, that is what makes you amazing.

SPEAKER_1: Big love, babe.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll see you next week.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.

SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

 

.Research Cited:

Thanks to Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, and Jeanne Segal for their article in Helpguide.org

Hartgrove Hospital 

Healthline

Henry Ford Health

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