How To Tame Your Mindset And Transform Your Life

How To Tame Your Mindset And Transform Your Life

HOW TO TAME YOUR MINDSET AND TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE TRANSCRIPT

SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.

SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present, and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Imagine if you were perpetually stuck, constantly reliving the worst day of your life.

SPEAKER_1: Now, I’m talking about your most anxious, frustrating or stressful day, your most sad, heartbreaking or depressing day, your most angry, fearful or traumatic day, the day you felt most uncertain, alone or embarrassed.

SPEAKER_1: How would you feel about your life?

SPEAKER_1: If we were perpetually stuck reliving the worst days of our lives, it would be the most hopeless, groundhog day ever!

SPEAKER_1: We wouldn’t be able to heal, learn and grow, or ever have a shot at realizing our dreams and goals.

SPEAKER_1: What would be the point of opening our eyes or getting out of bed in the morning?

SPEAKER_1: Thankfully, this is not the case.
SPEAKER_1: We can choose how we think, feel and live every single minute of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Brain science has taught us that.

SPEAKER_1: So why do so many of us stay stuck in our cycles of chaos and stress, sadness, regret, loneliness, heartbreak, frustration, fear and anxiety, replaying the worst minutes and days over and over again in our minds?

SPEAKER_1: The short answer is this, mindset.

SPEAKER_1: This negative replay limits us and our potential because it affects the way we think, what we believe and how we feel about ourselves and the people and circumstances in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: The negative replay affects the choices we make and how we respond in every situation.

SPEAKER_1: The negative replay disrupts our ability to heal, learn and grow, and it stands between us realizing our personal and professional dreams and goals.

SPEAKER_1: Our mindset feeds the replay.

SPEAKER_1: Now, it can also create an entirely new story, one that empowers the ever loving shit out of us.

SPEAKER_1: We have that power.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a matter of choice.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, Amazing Ones!

SPEAKER_1: I am so damn glad that you are right here, right now.

SPEAKER_1: That means that you’ve chosen to make a super wise and powerful investment in yourself to explore what’s possible for you and your fabulous life.

SPEAKER_1: And that, my friends, is an act of curiosity, courage and self love.

SPEAKER_1: This week, we’re talking about the BIG M- mindset.
SPEAKER_1: We’re going to talk about the wild beast that it can be that keeps you stuck.

SPEAKER_1: We’re going to talk about how to tame your mindset and why spending your time and energy developing your mindset is absolutely freaky and essential to being your best, feeling your best and transforming your life.

SPEAKER_1: Buckle up, babes, here we go.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s kick things off with a little neuroscience.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the truth.

SPEAKER_1: We are never stuck.

SPEAKER_1: Neuroscience has proven that our brains are wired to change, grow, learn, expand, unfold, and it is a beautiful and powerful truth.

SPEAKER_1: We have the power to choose our mindset in every single moment.

SPEAKER_1: Mindset can be our greatest asset or our greatest liability.

SPEAKER_1: Either way, we get to choose.
SPEAKER_1: We are not stuck or static unless we choose to be stuck and static.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose to develop a mindset that supports our healing, our changing, our learning, and our growing, or we can choose to stay stuck in our worst days, our worst moments.

SPEAKER_1: Either way, it’s 100% up to us.

SPEAKER_1: And this is true from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose a mindset that allows us to fall in love after we’ve been jilted.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose a mindset when we’re facing an illness, preparing for a visit from family members, or getting ready to deliver that super big presentation.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose our mindset in childbirth.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose it if we’re switching careers, navigating a breakup, planning a vacation, or doing something as simple as making a daily errand list.

SPEAKER_1: We’re in charge of our mindset across every single dimension of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: We are never stuck, unless we choose to stay stuck.

SPEAKER_1: We can move from a mindset of fear to courage, from victim to victor, from pessimism to optimism, scarcity to abundance, from restlessness to contentment, from insecurity to confidence, from anger to joy, hate to love, stress, worry and drama to ease and flow, from blame to owning our own damn choices, from hustling and striving to finding balance in being, from time traveling to the past and future, to being present and awake to what is happening for us right now in this very moment.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness is a practice that helps us live into this beautiful truth, into the power that we have to transform our mindset and transform our lives.

SPEAKER_1: So let’s talk about mindset.
SPEAKER_1: Now, I looked up the word so we could all be on the same page, and here’s what I learned.

SPEAKER_1: Mindset is a habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations.

SPEAKER_1: It is also a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings, values and dispositions to act in certain ways.

SPEAKER_1: It is your way of thinking.
SPEAKER_1: I want to pause here and ask you a question.

SPEAKER_1: Where are you spending the most time, energy and money when it comes to looking and feeling your best?

SPEAKER_1: Are you spending time and energy on things like clothes and shoes, Botox or the gym?

SPEAKER_1: If you are, I get it.

SPEAKER_1: We all love to look good, myself included.

SPEAKER_1: And if we’re honest, most of us spend more time, money and energy on the optics of our well-being than on the source of our well-being, which is mindset.

SPEAKER_1: Now, investing in your mindset is the biggest return on your investment of time and energy that you can possibly get.

SPEAKER_1: And here’s why.

SPEAKER_1: When your mindset is wild and untamed, it becomes a liability that keeps you stuck in the past, in the swirl of stress, fear and worry about the future.

SPEAKER_1: An untamed mind causes you to miss opportunities.

SPEAKER_1: And unless you invest time and energy in understanding your mind and taming your mindset, you will never truly be or feel your best.

SPEAKER_1: You will miss out on the possibilities in your life.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s talk about how you can turn your mindset into your biggest asset with mindfulness, one of the most powerful practices we can ever learn as human beings.

SPEAKER_1: Now mindfulness can be confusing for a lot of people because it has been bastardized here in our Western world.

SPEAKER_1: It’s been made out to be something that’s out of reach and mysterious.
SPEAKER_1: And the truth is, there is nothing out of reach or mysterious about it.
SPEAKER_1: You don’t have to go to a special place to learn or practice mindfulness.
SPEAKER_1: You can practice anywhere, anytime, once you understand how it works.
SPEAKER_1: You don’t need to buy special outfits from Lululemon or join a gym or pay for it.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness is free and available to you 24-7, 365 days a year, if you choose to practice.

SPEAKER_1: Now here’s why mindfulness is such a game changer.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a personal practice with a super, super big reach.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a practice of observing your mind that gives you awareness about what’s happening right now for you.

SPEAKER_1: It gets you in touch with how you’re thinking, feeling, and responding to what’s happening within you and all around you.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness helps you tame your mind by observing your mind.

SPEAKER_1: It is the practice of slowing down with intention to observe your thoughts, your feelings, and the interplay between the two as if you’re watching them on a TV screen in front of you.

SPEAKER_1: And here’s the big key, to observe with curiosity and without judgment.

SPEAKER_1: Total game changer and vitally important.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness is a real life practice that helps you understand the factors that are driving your thoughts and feelings, your beliefs, your narratives, your experiences from the past, your fears and your concerns about the future.

SPEAKER_1: It is a right now practice that leads you to presence, and presence is practice.

SPEAKER_1: Now, sometimes the practice of mindfulness can be super messy.

SPEAKER_1: It can feel scary, and it can feel surprising.
SPEAKER_1: It can also feel extremely freaking empowering.

SPEAKER_1: And mindfulness helps to develop your intuition muscle, which makes your inner wisdom more accessible to you, to what you need, to what you want.

SPEAKER_1: The more you develop that muscle, it helps you trust yourself to take steps that get you to the right place.

SPEAKER_1: Tapping into your intuition is super powerful, and mindfulness helps us do that.

SPEAKER_1: Many of you may have heard about the bliss of mindfulness so I want to dig a little deeper into the messiness because that is something that is not talked about quite as much.

SPEAKER_1: Observing your mind and your feelings and then understanding your mind and your feelings, it takes courage because you’re digging into your inner self, and that can be so damn hard.

SPEAKER_1: Depending on how you were raised and what you have experienced across your life up until now, stuffing emotions down deep may have been your modus operandi.

SPEAKER_1: It may be your comfort zone.

SPEAKER_1: And when you practice mindfulness, you’re getting to know your mind and yourself in a much deeper and more intimate way.

SPEAKER_1: I think of taming our mindset a little like an Indiana Jones adventure.

SPEAKER_1: We’re going in deep without 100% certainty of what we’re going to find in search of the gold.

SPEAKER_1: We develop new awareness when we do that excavation, when we take that journey.

SPEAKER_1: And sometimes what we discover and uncover can make us aware of things we don’t want to know about ourselves.

SPEAKER_1: This is when it can feel really messy and scary.

SPEAKER_1: We stuff thoughts and feelings down deep, and I think of that like a box that’s just packed full and locked up so tightly.

SPEAKER_1: Whether we’re aware of it or not, every single thing in the box influences our mindset.

SPEAKER_1: When we practice mindfulness and we observe our thoughts, we can see what’s happening right now.

SPEAKER_1: We can unearth the stuff in the box.

SPEAKER_1: Now, sometimes we find judgment, old hurt, anger, fear that’s accumulated, and we never understood, challenged, or managed that stuff, and that can feel overwhelming.

SPEAKER_1: I think of these old thoughts and feelings like snakes guarding the gold.

SPEAKER_1: But when you meet the snakes with courage and you are present, you can ask yourself, where did this thought come from?

SPEAKER_1: Where did I learn this reaction?
SPEAKER_1: What do I want to do with this thought? How is this thought affecting the way that I’m feeling? And what can I learn in this moment about myself?

SPEAKER_1: This is your power.

SPEAKER_1: It is the point where you are in charge of your mindset, where you can replay the same old story of your worst day and stay stuck or create new thoughts and move forward and step into your fabulous life that is waiting for you.

SPEAKER_1: Now thoughts are interesting little suckers.

SPEAKER_1: They’re constructs that are created 100% by our minds.

SPEAKER_1: Dr. Frederic Luskin at Stanford University says the average person has somewhere around 60,000 thoughts a day.

SPEAKER_1: And 90% of those are repetitive!

SPEAKER_1: Many of those thoughts have carried over from our past- that could have been five minutes ago in the past or two decades in the past.

SPEAKER_1: The past is the past.

SPEAKER_1: When you practice observing your thoughts with intention, you can understand what your mind is creating and why.

SPEAKER_1: And then you can decide if you want to keep that thought or if you want to drop it off or replace it with something that would be more supportive and positive for you.

SPEAKER_1: This is mindfulness and this is how it helps shape your mindset.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness puts you in the power seat when it comes to taming that beast called your mind.

SPEAKER_1: Now, if you’re in a cycle of self-sabotage, it could be overeating, addiction, negative patterns, negative self-talk that harms you.

SPEAKER_1: You can break those patterns, and you can replace the negative words with self-love.

SPEAKER_1: If you have a mindset of judgment, you can develop a mindset of acceptance.

SPEAKER_1: If you observe that you have thoughts that are created by fear, when you practice mindfulness, you can challenge the fear.

SPEAKER_1: You can understand it, and you can even dismantle it.
SPEAKER_1: If you’re feeling stress and anxiety, you can get curious about where it’s coming from.

SPEAKER_1: You can gain fresh perspective that you may have been missing before, and you can make a choice that will help you think and feel more grounded and more calm.

SPEAKER_1: You can reset from victim mindset to victor mindset.

SPEAKER_1: To do any of these things, you have to have awareness about your mindset.

SPEAKER_1: What is it focused on right now?
SPEAKER_1: What are you thinking?
SPEAKER_1: What are you feeling?

SPEAKER_1: And why?

SPEAKER_1: Now, at the beginning of the episode, I mentioned that investing energy and time in your mindset will give you a bigger return on investment than most anything else you can do for yourself.

SPEAKER_1: If we connect the dots, here’s why that’s true.

SPEAKER_1: Your mindset determines every single decision that you make for yourself and for your life, from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Your mindset influences what you believe, what you believe you deserve, how you communicate, your energy and your overall health.

SPEAKER_1: When your mindset is wild and unhealthy, you will feel out of control and your health will suffer.

SPEAKER_1: When you invest time and energy in developing a mindset of clarity, you are in control of your life and everything about you gets healthier.

SPEAKER_1: So let’s talk about how to harness your power to develop a mindset of clarity and confidence, to tame your mind, so that it can support you to be your best, to heal, learn, grow, realize your dreams and goals, and live your most present and kick-ass life.

SPEAKER_1: Grab your pen, here we go.
SPEAKER_1: Number one, observe your thoughts over and over and over again.

SPEAKER_1: Notice the quality, pace, and nature of your thoughts.
SPEAKER_1: Notice the tense of your thoughts.
SPEAKER_1: Are they from the past?
SPEAKER_1: Are they future-oriented?
SPEAKER_1: Or are your thoughts really happening right here in this moment?

SPEAKER_1: And observe them just like you’re watching them on a screen in front of you.

SPEAKER_1: For my coaching clients who are new to mindfulness, I teach them to start practicing by closing their eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

SPEAKER_1: When our eyes are open, sometimes we can get distracted by whatever is in front of us, and that keeps us from connecting with what is going on in our mind.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re new to the practice, maybe this will support you as well.

SPEAKER_1: Start by closing your eyes, taking a few breaths, and watching what’s on the screen.

SPEAKER_1: Then ask yourself questions like, What am I thinking?

SPEAKER_1: What’s the origin of this thought?

SPEAKER_1: What do I want to do with what I can see right now?

SPEAKER_1: Remember, it’s your choice.

SPEAKER_1: Now, when you’re in observer mode, you are in control of your mindset, and a couple of really cool things happen here.

SPEAKER_1: As you observe, you are slowing down your thinking process.

SPEAKER_1: This limits reaction and heightens your ability to respond, and I will tell you right now that that makes everything better.

SPEAKER_1: Response is always better than reaction.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s an example.

SPEAKER_1: Think about the last time you were in a really superheated argument.

SPEAKER_1: How likely, in that moment, were you to say or do something that you might well regret later?

SPEAKER_1: Now, think about how slowing down in that same argument might have enabled you to hear the other side, to walk away, or speak up for what you need in a way that would have created something better for both of you.

SPEAKER_1: Observer mode also positions you to challenge or accept your thoughts, replay them, replace them, or let them go.

SPEAKER_1: Number two, observe how your thoughts influence how you feel.

SPEAKER_1: This is gold star level insight.

SPEAKER_1: This is called somatic awareness, the sensations that you feel in your body.

SPEAKER_1: A lot of times we miss those sensations.

SPEAKER_1: We are too busy stuck in our minds or stuck on our phones or social media or somewhere else worrying about what’s going to happen in the future or what has happened in the past, and we don’t even know what’s going on in our bodies and much less how that feeling is connected to our thoughts.

SPEAKER_1: And your body can give you so much information because your body and mind are constantly communicating with one another.

SPEAKER_1: When you’re practicing mindfulness, observing what’s going on right now for you in the present, you can pick up on those somatic clues much, much easier.

SPEAKER_1: For instance, if your mindset is stuck in judgment and self-criticism because you learned that as a child or somewhere in your early adulthood, start noticing how it feels in your body.

SPEAKER_1: How does it feel when you are coming from a place of judgment, when you are thinking judgmental or critical thoughts?

SPEAKER_1: This somatic awareness becomes like a little red flag letting you know, hey, there’s danger up ahead.

SPEAKER_1: Practicing mindfulness will help you flip your mindset from one that harms you to a mindset of calm clarity, its tamer, everything sort of taken down a notch, and from that place you can respond.

SPEAKER_1: And I’m going to give you a recent personal example.

SPEAKER_1: I was at my niece’s high school graduation, and it was this super hot day in Tennessee.

SPEAKER_1: The ceremony was outside at their football stadium.

SPEAKER_1: My family and I went on a mission to find some seats, which were in extremely short supply.

SPEAKER_1: And as we looked, I saw people saving seats with jackets, umbrellas, blankets and streamers.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, these things were stretched out across multiple rows of bleachers.

SPEAKER_1: And as I saw all of this empty space, and I knew that we needed a seat, I noticed that I started to feel irritated.

SPEAKER_1: My chest got tight.

SPEAKER_1: My mind started to feel like it was in a butter churn.

SPEAKER_1: And when I noticed that, it was my clue to pause and observe my mind.

SPEAKER_1: I recognized the feeling.

SPEAKER_1: I was thinking very judgmental thoughts about the people who were saving the seats.

SPEAKER_1: Now, judgment in my life is a no-go for me.

SPEAKER_1: It doesn’t create anything positive.

SPEAKER_1: By observing, I was able to challenge my mindset and replace my judgy thoughts about those seat savers who were stingy or greedy with the simple truth.

SPEAKER_1: They got here earlier than we did.

SPEAKER_1: They have a right to save seats for the people that they love.

SPEAKER_1: That mindset helped me enjoy the experience of the graduation so much more than being in that place of judgment, because that judgment would have fueled anger, frustration, and I would have missed the joy of my niece graduating from high school.

SPEAKER_1: All right, for the big finale, number three, and it’s a question, what else is also true for me right now?

SPEAKER_1: In the toughest moments, we have this curious little tendency to hyper focus on the negative, and this is also because of the way our brain is wired.

SPEAKER_1: From the dawn of time, our goal has been to protect ourselves and to survive.

SPEAKER_1: I have to wonder how mindfulness may have helped our earliest ancestors.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the thing, even when we are in the most shitty, stressful, scary, hurtful or uncertain situations, we have the power to develop a positive, creative and supportive mindset.

SPEAKER_1: We can tame the beast.

SPEAKER_1: The question, what else is also true for me right now, is a diversion.

SPEAKER_1: It disrupts the cycle of thinking.

SPEAKER_1: It slows the process, and it’s one of my absolute favorites to explore with my coaching clients and for myself in my own life.

SPEAKER_1: And here’s a fresh off the press example.

SPEAKER_1: A super creative artist friend of mine called me, and they were panicking because they said they were absolutely devoid of any creative flow.

SPEAKER_1: They couldn’t find it anywhere.

SPEAKER_1: They were being reactive, not very mindful, and that sparked a mindset of panic in them.

SPEAKER_1: They said, I’m just so anxious.

SPEAKER_1: By the way, every creative person I have ever met experiences this lack of creative flow from time to time.

SPEAKER_1: And I know this, right?

SPEAKER_1: I experience it myself.

SPEAKER_1: So I asked them, how do you know you’re anxious?

SPEAKER_1: As we talked through what they were actually experiencing, here’s what they said.

SPEAKER_1: I have a free day off from work today.

SPEAKER_1: I wanted to spend it creating, but I don’t feel it, and I don’t know what to create.

SPEAKER_1: I repeated back to them what they told me.

SPEAKER_1: When I paused, my friend realized they didn’t feel anxious.

SPEAKER_1: What they actually felt was uncertain.

SPEAKER_1: Two very different things, two very different mindsets.

SPEAKER_1: Uncertainty was creating a feeling of anxiety in their mind and in their body.

SPEAKER_1: Cortisol was flowing, and as it hit the body, it created static on their mental TV screen.

SPEAKER_1: Now, once they got in touch with that awareness, I heard them take a sigh of relief.

SPEAKER_1: They were able to identify the origin story for the thought and the feeling, and that improved their mindset.

SPEAKER_1: This took a matter of minutes.
SPEAKER_1: And then I said, “Okay, I understand you’re feeling uncertain about what to create. I understand you’re feeling frustrated. Is that the same or different from anxiety?”

SPEAKER_1: Again, they realized those feelings were different from one another, and that realization improved their mindset.

SPEAKER_1: And then I asked, “What do you know about your creativity?”

SPEAKER_1: Because they slowed down their thinking process, they were able to recognize that they had in fact experienced plenty of creative droughts all across the years that eventually became floods of creativity.

SPEAKER_1: As their mind calmed down, they became present with what was real.

SPEAKER_1: The mind got tame and their mindset improved.
SPEAKER_1: Finally, I asked, “Aside from feeling uncertain, what else is true for you right now?”

SPEAKER_1: The magic question.

SPEAKER_1: A few minutes later, they recognized that because they had had a day off from work, they had the freedom to choose how they spent that day.

SPEAKER_1: They realized they had friends to share the day with.

SPEAKER_1: They were healthy.

SPEAKER_1: They had a safe home.

SPEAKER_1: They had enough food in their refrigerator.

SPEAKER_1: They had money to do something that they wanted to do that would bring them joy that day.

SPEAKER_1: And all of that led to gratitude, and that gratitude completely changed their mindset.

SPEAKER_1: The initial I’m anxious message created an untamed mindset that was harmful to them.

SPEAKER_1: But when they slowed down, they observed their thoughts, and they took a few minutes to understand what they were thinking and why.

SPEAKER_1: Then they focused their awareness on what else was also true for them, their mindset, thoughts, and feelings improved.

SPEAKER_1: The conversation spanned less than 15 minutes.
SPEAKER_1: So the moral to this story is that no matter where you are right now, no matter what you

are navigating, you have the power to change your mindset, and that will determine how you navigate whatever it is that you are experiencing in this moment.

SPEAKER_1: Your mindset will help you become a magnet for other people and amazing things in your life, or it can be a repellent, and that choice is up to you.

SPEAKER_1: So now it’s time to reframe our key points from today.

SPEAKER_1: Number one. We’re never stuck.

SPEAKER_1: Neuroscience has proven that our brains are not fixed, and that is a beautiful truth.

SPEAKER_1: We have the power to heal, to learn, and to grow every single day of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Number two. Mindset can be your greatest asset or your greatest liability.

SPEAKER_1: Either way, the choice is yours.

SPEAKER_1: Number three, investing energy and time in your mindset is a total life game changer.

SPEAKER_1: It transforms everything because it transforms the choices that we make.

SPEAKER_1: It determines how you think, feel, and how you live this fabulous thing called life.

SPEAKER_1: Thanks again for being here today.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re ready to team your mindset and transform your life, head to the contact form on my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Send me a little note.
SPEAKER_1: Let’s explore what’s possible for you together.
SPEAKER_1: Before we part today, I want you to remember this.
SPEAKER_1: There’s only one you.
SPEAKER_1: And in case no one’s told you yet today, that’s what makes you simply amazing.

SPEAKER_1: Big love, babes.
SPEAKER_1: I’ll see you next week.
SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.
SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in!

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

BIG THANKS to the team at Stanford and beyond for their research!

Suggested reading: How to Unfuck Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life

Learning to Fly: How to Navigate Life’s Challenge’s With Pat Wetzel

Learning to Fly: How to Navigate Life’s Challenge’s With Pat Wetzel

 

LEARNING TO FLY: HOW TO NAVIGATE LIFE’S CHALLENGES WITH PAT WETZEL

TRANSCRIPT

SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.

SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_2: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, Amazing Ones!

SPEAKER_1 Thank you for choosing to tune in today.

SPEAKER_1: I am so damn glad that you made it, because that means you are curious about what’s possible for yourself and for your life, and that is a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_1: I have another inspirational show lined up for you today, one that I know will fuel your mind, find a nook in your heart, and remind you that no matter where you are right now, everything truly is possible.

SPEAKER_1: This week, we’re talking about how to navigate life’s challenges into transformational, enriching opportunities that lead you to discover your strongest, most badass and beautiful self from a woman who has been there, done that, and is literally soaring.

SPEAKER_1: Our guest this week is the fabulously courageous and wise Pat Wetzel, speaker, storyteller, fellow podcaster, world traveler, and author of the soulful book, Bump In the Road, 15 Stories of Courage, Hope and Resilience.

SPEAKER_1: Pat’s journeys so far, have taken her from Wall Street to 30,000 feet, flying her sailplane over the Sierras. Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_1: When I first learned about Pat’s tragedy to triumph story, I knew we had to invite her here to join us on She Grabs The Mic.

SPEAKER_1: Today you will learn about not one, not two, but the series of unexpected life challenges Pat has navigated.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll learn how meditation mindset and her sheer will to live changed her life and led her to endless possibilities.

SPEAKER_1: And you’ll learn three tips from Pat that will help you soar in the face of challenge.

SPEAKER_1: Pat is an amazing woman, and I know that you are absolutely going to love, love, love getting to know her.

SPEAKER_1: So without further ado, welcome, Pat. I am so thrilled that you are here with us!

SPEAKER_2: Oh, I’m thrilled to be here, thank you.

SPEAKER_1: It’s always a joy and my  good fortune for me to meet an amazing woman who has so much depth, so many stories to share that will inspire other women.

SPEAKER_1: From the first time that I learned about your story, I was blown away. The first time we had a conversation, I had the same feeling.

SPEAKER_1: I have really been looking forward to having you on the show today.

SPEAKER_2: Well, thank you. It’s really nice to be here.

SPEAKER_1: All right, before we dive into your inspirational series of life-challenging stories, let’s talk about flying your sailplane over the Sierras.

SPEAKER_1: What is a sailplane, Pat?
SPEAKER_2: Most people would refer to a sailplane as a glider.

SPEAKER_2: They’re very high-performance airplanes, usually with no engine, and they depend upon the energy in the air to navigate a course.

SPEAKER_2: So you might find thermal energy.

SPEAKER_2: For example, a cloud usually has some energy underneath it because the hot air is rising to the dew point.

SPEAKER_2: So clouds can be a marker.
SPEAKER_2: You might be the wind against a bridge or against a mountain range.

SPEAKER_1: It might be a blue street, a totally inexplicable street of rising air that just goes across the sky.

SPEAKER_2: There are all sorts of different types of lift, and the challenge is to find these invisible sources of air and navigate your flight.

SPEAKER_2: It’s kind of a metaphor, if you will, for life.

SPEAKER_1: It absolutely is. I was just thinking that same thing.

SPEAKER_1: All right, so describe what it feels like to fly in a sailplane. Are you with another person? Are you on your own? What is the experience like?

SPEAKER_2: Well, you start flying with an instructor in a two-seat ship.

SPEAKER_2: In my case, from there, I went to a low-performance plane, a 126, and then from there to an ASW 20A, which is a higher-performing plane and a single-seat plane.

SPEAKER_2: I think for many people who really get involved in soaring, they end up in single-seat planes.

SPEAKER_1: Wow.
SPEAKER_1: How do you take off in a sailplane?
SPEAKER_2: Carefully.
SPEAKER_1: Is it from being on top of something like a mountain?  Is it on a runway? How does it work?

SPEAKER_2: There are two ways.

SPEAKER_2: A winch, which I’ve never done, and being towed from a runway.

SPEAKER_2: These are big planes, 15 to 20 some odd meter planes.

SPEAKER_2: So you have an enormous amount of wingspan to deal with.

SPEAKER_2: And typically, what you’ll find is you’ll have a rope that attaches the hook of the sailplane to the tail of the tow plane, and you climb together.

SPEAKER_2: The sailplane usually takes off first, so you have to be able to fly low, consistently, safely, until the tow plane gets off, and then you fly in formation in the air up to your agreed upon release altitude.

SPEAKER_1: How do you land?

SPEAKER_2: Carefully.

SPEAKER_1: I had a feeling you were going to say that.

SPEAKER_1: What’s the most thrilling part for you about flying in a sailplane?

SPEAKER_2: Oh, there are several things.

SPEAKER_2: First, a bit of a joke.

SPEAKER_2: There are in aviation, flying is the second greatest thrill known to mankind. Landing is the first.

SPEAKER_2: With that as a preface, I think soaring is magic.

SPEAKER_2: It’s amazing to be able to fly through the air, fly long distances, fly high heights with no engine and just relying on the energy of the earth.

SPEAKER_2: It’s a very humbling experience.

SPEAKER_2: It’s a very exhilarating experience.

SPEAKER_2: It is an experience that certainly left me with an enormous amount of appreciation for the power and the beauty of the earth and a great deal of appreciation for man’s very small place in it all.

SPEAKER_1: As you’re describing this, Pat, it seems to me that it would require a heck of a lot of courage to be sailing and relying on the energy of the earth.

SPEAKER_1: And I know that that courage has been a persistent theme for you across your life because you have faced some really hard stuff and you have so many stories to tell about navigating those unexpected life challenges and choosing to be a victor instead of a victim.

SPEAKER_1:  would love it if you would kind of give us the 30,000 view, no pun intended, view into your road to here, like the stories in your life that led you to where you are right now.

SPEAKER_2: Well, it’s a really long and somewhat complicated story, but let me divide it into three pieces.

SPEAKER_2: The first part, I was in New York in the bond market working on multi-billion-dollar deals back when a billion dollars was a lot of money, and doing really interesting things.

SPEAKER_2: I was getting very tired, I couldn’t swallow, I was losing weight.

SPEAKER_2: And it turned out I had a rare neurologic disease, which totally sidelined my life for a little over a decade.

SPEAKER_2: So I had a decade of maybe focusing on other qualities within myself and of not really knowing where I was going, not knowing what my health would do.

SPEAKER_2: It was very difficult.
SPEAKER_2: My ex-husband decided to run off with his nurse and kind of left me stranded.

SPEAKER_2: That opened the door to a really new piece of life because my disease, which was my Asthenia Gravis, was fairly stable.

SPEAKER_2: I was tired, but it was stable.

SPEAKER_2: I went cross-country to visit some friends, wondering what am I going to do?

SPEAKER_2: I mean, this is not an ideal set of circumstances.

SPEAKER_1: And when I was out in Calistoga, this would have been around 1989 or so, I went up for a ride in a glider.

SPEAKER_2: Now, it didn’t really wow me.
SPEAKER_2: It wasn’t that remarkable or anything.
SPEAKER_2: It was just an experience.
SPEAKER_2: And I put it aside.
SPEAKER_2: I went back east where I was living, and I heard about a group of lawyers that were flying sailplanes out of a local airport, a private airfield, actually.

SPEAKER_2: And I invited myself out for a three-day weekend.

SPEAKER_2: I was hooked, absolutely hooked!

SPEAKER_2: So, that kind of entered this very adventuresome stage of my life that is a 180 degree contrast to the previous decade.

SPEAKER_2: None of this was smooth or perfect or easy.

SPEAKER_2: It was a little ugly at times.

SPEAKER_2: But all of a sudden, my world really opened up.

SPEAKER_2: And one day, I showed up at the airfield, and Sam, who was a World War II Navy pilot, had been my instructor.

SPEAKER_2: He had a small 126, an airplane, weighed and balanced just for me, because at the time I was so much smaller than all the guys.

SPEAKER_2: So I could show up at the airfield and fairly quickly be up in the air.

SPEAKER_2: Well, I showed up on this beautiful Saturday with the clouds puffing in the sky, and my plane, my, quote unquote, my plane wasn’t there.

SPEAKER_2: He had offered it to an air show. I was furious, absolutely furious.

SPEAKER_2: And I remembered hearing about some people flying sailplanes on the radio, and they flew out of a field about an hour south.

SPEAKER_2: So I got in the car and I headed south. I was gonna find this other group, and I did.

SPEAKER_2: I pulled up and there’s a big sign saying, private property, go away, do not enter, we don’t want you here.

SPEAKER_2: I pulled in.  And I saw this grid of like 20 beautiful, beautiful white fiberglass sailplanes just ready to launch.

SPEAKER_2: It was incredible!
SPEAKER_1: I’d never really seen anything like this before.

SPEAKER_2: So I joined on the spot, and then I realized that the plane situation there was no better than it was at my other field.

SPEAKER_2: I essentially had to buy a plane to fly with this group.

SPEAKER_2: So that started another adventure.

SPEAKER_2: It led to me going cross country with my sailplane and relocating to the Tahoe area.

SPEAKER_2: That’s kind of stage two.

SPEAKER_2: Let’s see. Stage three would be being diagnosed with supposedly incurable cancer.

SPEAKER_2: And that led to my getting involved in the web. I was diagnosed in 2009.

SPEAKER_2: So this was around 2011 or so.

SPEAKER_2: I started a website and it did very, very well.

SPEAKER_2: And all this was, I hadn’t done anything like this before.

SPEAKER_2: But as a result of my cancer experience, I realized that one of the predominant emotions and experiences of cancer was severe social isolation.

SPEAKER_2: So, I created an app that dealt with that and some other aspects of cancer.

SPEAKER_2: I went down to Silicon Valley to raise money.
SPEAKER_2: I had some potential interests, but I needed a beta in order to provide some data on it. SPEAKER_1: I hired a group to do all the tech stuff.

SPEAKER_2: I’m not a tech person.

SPEAKER_2: And I waited. And I waited. And I waited.

SPEAKER_2: I phoned. I emailed. No response.

SPEAKER_2: I got my lawyer, my very expensive lawyer involved, and they informed me they had registered all my intellectual property with the US. Patent Office as their own.

SPEAKER_2: And my only option was to sue them.

SPEAKER_2: Oh my God.

SPEAKER_2: A suit would cost in increments of half a million dollars, take at least three years, and there’s no guaranteed outcome.

SPEAKER_2: So we’re going to enter the next stage of life.

SPEAKER_1: My God.

SPEAKER_2: At this point, I am so stressed, as you can imagine.

SPEAKER_2: I mean, I’ve been through six years of on-again, off-again cancer treatments and trying to do something really good.

SPEAKER_2: And this happens.

SPEAKER_2: It was just beyond my comprehension.

SPEAKER_2: My hair is falling out from stress, not from chemo.

SPEAKER_2: I’m vomiting blood.

SPEAKER_2: I go to see my oncologist, who’s sure he can find something wrong with me if he racks up another $50,000 worth of tests.

SPEAKER_2: And I just left that office thinking, you know, this is not my life.

SPEAKER_2: If indeed my cancer is back and I’d already been through three reoccurrences, I probably have 18 to 24 months to live before it’s just all over my body.

SPEAKER_2: And I just never followed up.
SPEAKER_2: I left, I left down this gray corridor past the billing office into this gray elevator that sunk down ever so slowly.

SPEAKER_2: And I thought, you know, this is not my life.

SPEAKER_2: I decided to just sell my house and put everything in storage and go travel for a while.

SPEAKER_2: That turned out to be a really interesting decision on many levels because it really brought me back to my original love.

SPEAKER_2: I went to business school and majored in finance, but everybody always thought I would write, and I always enjoyed writing.

SPEAKER_2: As I hit the road, I started a blog called Cancer Road Trip.

SPEAKER_2: I won some awards for both writing and photography. and it started to ease me into what I’m doing now.

SPEAKER_2: As I was traveling around the world with Cancer Road Trip, I got a little bit, oh, I don’t know, homesick.

SPEAKER_2: So I decided to spend Christmas in Santa Fe. I always loved Santa Fe.
SPEAKER_2: I got stuck there during COVID. So what do you do?

SPEAKER_2: I decided to start a podcast, and that is how Bump in the Road came to be.

SPEAKER_2: Because I was truly personally interested in how people navigate these bumps. Obviously I needed to learn something.
SPEAKER_1: And obviously you had so much to teach.

SPEAKER_1:  want to just pause here for a second, because you’re stating everything so matter of factly, right?

SPEAKER_1: You went through some really hard things. SPEAKER_1: An incredible career shift. I mean, it was like from one extreme to the other.

SPEAKER_1: And I wonder if now, in the way that you’ve described it, if it was not returning home to the truest version of yourself, you know, sinking into your writing and flying and living in the way that you chose to live.

SPEAKER_1: You had this divorce from somebody who chose someone else.

SPEAKER_1: And then you also had this incredible professional betrayal, you know, as you were trying to build something to serve the world.

SPEAKER_2: Then, somebody made a nefarious decision and stole that right out from under you.

SPEAKER_1: But there was something inside of you that day in the elevator. And that’s what I really want to understand.

SPEAKER_1: Looking back now at that moment in time, traveling down in the gray elevator, down through the gray corridors, and making that choice for yourself to say, this is not my life.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to go find my life.

SPEAKER_1: What made that possible for you?

SPEAKER_2: I think it was a combination of many things, but I think there were a few factors.

SPEAKER_12 One, it was a shift that took place over many years from being externally oriented to internally oriented.

SPEAKER_2: What is right for me?
SPEAKER_2: What resonates with me?
SPEAKER_12 I think there’s a piece of me that just loves adventure. SPEAKER_2: I’m one of those people who loves to be outside their comfort zone. I know that makes people cringe, but I really do.

SPEAKER_2: I think that’s where there’s possibility and creativity.
SPEAKER_2: So I’m a little more inclined to put myself in that type of position. And that’s where you learn.
SPEAKER_2: I think learning is such an important part of life.

SPEAKER_2: I think it’s too easy to get into a rut, into this is the way things are done, this is who I am, and stay there for decades.

SPEAKER_2: And I think we do ourselves a disservice by not investigating ourselves more. SPEAKER_2: I agree with you.

SPEAKER_1: I’m still wanting to go a little deeper on this question with you, because I know that there are people listening right now who are navigating difficult challenges in their life, maybe none quite as difficult, maybe some even more difficult, it’s all relative, right?

SPEAKER_1: Maybe they’re scratching their heads thinking “How do I make that pivot?”

SPEAKER_1: How do I move from a place where I really just kind of want to give in to the difficulty and sink?

SPEAKER_1: How do I move from that place mentally?

SPEAKER_1: How do I move myself from that place, from a soul, on a soul level, to this place of saying, no, I’m going to choose my life?

SPEAKER_1: Because Pat, you had heartbreak, you had anger, you had disappointment, you had frustration, you had potentially fear from the cancer diagnosis, all of these things.

SPEAKER_1: And even though I hear that it took time to get there, and there was this intrinsic orientation, that was part of the shift.

SPEAKER_1: What would you say if you could tell the self that was navigating all of that, what would you say to her in this moment based on what you’ve learned about yourself and your life now?

SPEAKER_2: Trust yourself and look within.

SPEAKER_2: Meditation was a real game changer for me, because it allowed me to still my mind and to become an observer of my thoughts.

SPEAKER_2: And when you observe your thoughts, you become conscious of them, and when you become conscious, you have choice.

SPEAKER_2: So I think that’s a big part of the journey.
SPEAKER_2: I don’t think any of us navigate these things very gracefully, quite honestly. They’re difficult, and they invoke a range of emotions, and all those emotions are okay. But you don’t want to stay stuck in any of the negative energy.

SPEAKER_2: Anger might be great to get you motivated initially, but it’s not a long-term emotion to stay rooted in.

SPEAKER_2: I think as you find peace, in my case, through meditation, and I found, strangely, enormous joy going through cancer.

SPEAKER_2: I know that sounds very strange to many people, but I just experienced joy, such joy, in my everyday life.

SPEAKER_2: That is one thing that certainly empowers me to move forward, is that I know the joy is always there, and I can plug into that.

SPEAKER_2: I think that’s a choice in terms of how you live your life. SPEAKER_2: You can live your life in difficulty, in unhappiness.
SPEAKER_2: You can choose to live in a more positive place.
SPEAKER_2: And I think that cultivating the ability to do that is really important.

SPEAKER_2: And I say cultivating the ability, because let’s take meditation, for example. It’s a practice.

SPEAKER_2: You have to do it.
SPEAKER_2: It’s imperfect.
SPEAKER_2: But the more you do it, the better you get at it.
SPEAKER_2: And the more, the deeper and richer your experiences are.
SPEAKER_2: So I think that learning to be present, learning to cultivate these abilities is very important.

SPEAKER_2: Martha McSally in my podcast once said that courage is a muscle.
SPEAKER_2: I think that applies to any attribute.
SPEAKER_2: The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.
SPEAKER_1: Yeah, I agree with you.
SPEAKER_1: And I have had a very similar experience with the power of meditation in my own life.

SPEAKER_1:  so appreciate what you said. Sometimes it’s messy.

SPEAKER_1: Going through these things, we feel all of these emotions.

SPEAKER_1: And that beautiful reminder that you just shared, and I’ll paraphrase, maybe inject a couple of my own extrapolations from what you just shared, is that, we might not like them, but they all serve a purpose.

SPEAKER_1: And then we have a choice whether we let them sink us or whether we, you know, sort of say, okay, this is what is here for me in this present moment, and let me see what I can do with that.

SPEAKER_1: Let me explore what is possible.

SPEAKER_1: Let me look for joy.

SPEAKER_1: I think that’s so incredible.

SPEAKER_1: And that is one thing I really want to emphasize here for anyone who is unfamiliar to meditation.

SPEAKER_1: It’s not always pretty. Mindfulness is not always peaceful.

SPEAKER_1: We’re not always going to like what we see, but it is important to remember that we have a choice all the time to decide what we do with what we discover.

SPEAKER_1: I think that’s what I really hear you saying, Pat. SPEAKER_2: I have a mantra these days.
SPEAKER_2: It’s, what can I learn?
SPEAKER_2: And it really is, what can I learn about myself? SPEAKER_1: Yeah, that’s awesome.

SPEAKER_1: You have a quote that just has taken up this little space in my heart, and it’s one of the reflections that you shared on your website.

SPEAKER_2: You said, “I have come to see life as a road trip full of bumps, potholes and extraordinary views.Sometimes you get lost.
Sometimes that’s good, sometimes that’s not. it’s all about the journey and what we learn along the way.”

SPEAKER_1: What have you learned so far that has been most significant for you about yourself?

SPEAKER_2: I think to always be internally oriented, not externally oriented.
SPEAKER_2: By that, I mean turn off your phone, ignore social media, turn off the TV.

SPEAKER_2: Find deeper, richer, more meaningful, more educational, more interesting things to do.

SPEAKER_2: And pay attention to your internal landscape, your internal voice and what it’s saying to you, because it’s within yourself that you will find peace and possibility and anything else you’re looking for.

SPEAKER_2: It’s not outside of you, it’s inside of you.

SPEAKER_1: Indeed, that’s beautiful.

SPEAKER_1: I am hearing that mindset has played a significant role in your life and not only managing all of the emotions that came up with across the series of challenges that you navigated, but mindset has also led you to this place of what’s possible, to this place of learning, growing, literally soaring through the air, discovering so many amazing truths about yourself and your life, so many possibilities.

SPEAKER_1: Could you have imagined back then that your life would be what it is right now?

SPEAKER_2: Oh my gosh, no.

SPEAKER_2: No one could have scripted this.

SPEAKER_2: But that’s something I throw out there for people, in that you actually don’t know what’s going to happen in your life.

SPEAKER_2: And nobody, what’s the old saying, man plans, God laughs. And I think that’s so true.

SPEAKER_2: I think what you need to do, and I would tell my younger self at every step of the way, is glean as much personal experience as you can from any interaction, from anything you do.

SPEAKER_2: Own it, examine it, keep it with you, and move on.
SPEAKER_2: And over time, you build a rich tapestry of experience.
SPEAKER_2: And I tend to think the wider our range of experiences, the more interesting life is.

SPEAKER_2: And on the one hand, I hate to say that because you don’t want to go really negative, but it’s nice to go really positive.

SPEAKER_2: But by knowing both, you better appreciate the whole range of things in between.

SPEAKER_2: It’s like you don’t know light until you know dark.

SPEAKER_2: You don’t know hot until you know cold.

SPEAKER_2: And I think by having a wide range of emotional, physical, practical experiences, you come to appreciate life ever more.

SPEAKER_1: I agree with you. I completely agree with you.

SPEAKER_1: There is so much wisdom that we can draw from ourselves because the truth is everything that we need to know is inside of us.

SPEAKER_1: If we allow ourselves to access that place, we are expansive.

SPEAKER_1: Brain science shows us that.
SPEAKER_1: We know we can learn new things.
SPEAKER_1: We know that we can integrate what we learn into ourselves, into our lives.

SPEAKER_1: And you have been masterful at weaving your tapestry.

SPEAKER_1: I love that expression.

SPEAKER_1: Okay. We’ve talked about the challenges.

SPEAKER_1: We’ve talked about, you know, the really hard stuff that you went through.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s shift gears into joy.

SPEAKER_1: I think that this is really important, Pat, because joy is something that so many of us miss because we’re hustling through our days.

SPEAKER_1: We’re dedicating a lot of time and energy on the outside world and what it thinks we should be or what we think we need to be or accomplish, you know, to be, quote, unquote, successful in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Placing attention there creates a lot of fear and worry and distraction.

SPEAKER_1: So my question for you is this.
SPEAKER_1: How do you know when you feel joy?

SPEAKER_12: Oh, it comes from within.

SPEAKER_2: It’s boundless.

SPEAKER_2: It’s just a wonderful feeling.

SPEAKER_2: And I think it’s accessible to all of us.

SPEAKER_2: I think the key to accessing our own joy is to slow down and to be present.

SPEAKER_2: I can vividly remember being very sick after chemo and seeing a butterfly fly.

SPEAKER_2: I mean, this sounds corny, but a butterfly fly through my garden.

SPEAKER_2: I remember lying in a hammock and the warm spring sun on my skin and a light breeze just blowing me back and forth.

SPEAKER_2: Being quiet, slowing down, being still, I think allows you to access those higher levels of awareness within yourself.

SPEAKER_1: Yes!
SPEAKER_1: I’m a butterfly watcher too.

SPEAKER_1: I was planting Coreopsis a few weeks ago. A couple days later, I went outside and I was going to water the little plants that I had put in the ground, and I saw these monarchs flying around.

SPEAKER_1: And I just stopped. I sat down on the hillside next to the flowers, these bright orange flowers and I just watched them, and I was like, wow, how many times have I missed this beauty in my life?

SPEAKER_1: And how lucky and joyful I am in this moment to be able to experience that. So I’m right there with you.

SPEAKER_1: What’s bringing you the most joy these days, aside from the butterflies and the sunshine on your skin, the breeze?

SPEAKER_1: What else have you got?

SPEAKER_2: I’m a pretty happy camper.  I have a book series.

SPEAKER_2: I’m moving this fall up to Idaho, where there’s a very active soaring community.

SPEAKER_2: I’m looking forward to that.
SPEAKER_2: I think what brings me joy most of all is sharing the stories of my guests on my podcast.I truly love my guests.

SPEAKER_2: And I love their stories.

SPEAKER_2: There is so much wisdom in story.

SPEAKER_2: Story is important because it engages us on an emotional level.

SPEAKER_2: And that’s experiential.

SPEAKER_2: So when you feel somebody’s path, when you feel their uncertainty, when you feel their pain, you’re really relating to them.

SPEAKER_2: And that’s something that stays with you and can help you guide your own life.

SPEAKER_2: So I think story and the wisdom in story is so incredibly important.

SPEAKER_2: We all need to communicate a little bit more in that way in a way that is not dictated by being Instagram perfect, but is much more real about the challenges we all face and how we find a path through them.

SPEAKER_1: Right, the depth, the depth of those human stories. SPEAKER_1: Yes!

SPEAKER_1: And I think they also remind us, Pat, when we’re going through some really hard stuff, we’re not alone.

SPEAKER_1: There are other people out there navigating things that, you know, maybe they’re similar or dissimilar, but, as I mentioned before, it’s all relative.

SPEAKER_1: The challenges that we face are relative.
SPEAKER_1: I remember this one time when I was 35.

SPEAKER_1: My son was almost five at the time, and I had to be rushed in for emergency surgery because I had this bacterial infection that had gotten into my system from this crack I had in my collarbone.

SPEAKER_1: I had been working with horses and got kicked in the collarbone. Six months later, I was in emergency surgery with the doctor saying, You have sepsis, and we’re going to try to save you.

SPEAKER_1: Those were the words.

SPEAKER_1: I remember coming out of that surgery, and my life in that moment became very different temporarily.

SPEAKER_1: It was hard for me to see that at the time, but I couldn’t pick my son up anymore.

SPEAKER_1: I was focusing on the things I could not do and felt pretty sorry for myself, truth be told.

SPEAKER_1: I had to go every week to get this pick line flushed because I had an IV that threaded from my subclavian artery down to my heart for eight weeks, where I gave myself IV antibiotics daily.

SPEAKER_1: So I had to go get the line flushed out.
SPEAKER_1: I remember this one morning, I walked in, and I was feeling so sorry for myself, Pat.

SPEAKER_1: I was feeling, you know, despondent, not like my usual self.
SPEAKER_1: It was very difficult for me to see to the other side of what I was navigating.

SPEAKER_1: And, I remember that I had this, the incredible fortune of meeting this nurse who looked at me and she said, Dear one, this is just a window in time, and you can choose to see it or you can choose to ignore it, but that is simply what it is.

SPEAKER_1: I remember seeing other people in that office who were going through what I would consider to be much worse than I was.

SPEAKER_1: And I remember thinking, I need to hear one of their stories.

SPEAKER_1: I sat down with one of them and had the good fortune of them being willing to share a story with me.

SPEAKER_1: There was so much the power in that. I no longer felt that I was alone, that I was the only one suffering in that moment.

SPEAKER 1: But there were other people going through, you know, things that were just as hard for them.

SPEAKER_1: Just that feeling of not being alone, of being seen and understood by someone else gave me so much strength.

SPEAKER_1: So I can totally appreciate what you’re saying about the community we build in story, the humanity we build in story, and the depth.

SPEAKER_1: It’s not just a sound bite, is it?

SPEAKER_1: It’s the willingness to be vulnerable and go to that depth and provide that color.

SPEAKER_1: You are so masterful at doing that in your stories and in your podcast and through your book.

SPEAKER_1: Just absolutely amazing storyteller, Pat!

SPEAKER_1: Thank you. Thank you for choosing to share those stories with the world!

SPEAKER_2: Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_2: And I have to thank all my guests who are just amazing.

SPEAKER_1: I think that as you meet people, you need to have compassion.

SPEAKER_2: And if you knew their stories, you would never be judgmental.

SPEAKER_2: You would always have compassion.

SPEAKER_2: That’s something we can also cultivate, is recognizing everything’s not perfect.

SPEAKER_2: I interviewed a very attractive man the other day on my podcast.

SPEAKER_2: He’s a male model.

SPEAKER_2: And his life looks so perfect. I mean, just so perfect.

SPEAKER_2: Traveling the world, exotic locations, four-star hotels, you know, on the cover of this and that.

SPEAKER_2: But underneath it all, for many years, his life was utterly wretched and falling apart. SPEAKER_1: And I think that that’s true for all of us in one way or the other.
SPEAKER_2: Nobody has a perfect life.

SPEAKER_2: I think that you need to cultivate whatever the lesson is in what you perceive to be those imperfections.

SPEAKER1: Yes. I agree with you.

SPEAKER_1: We never know what the other person is going through until we take the time to understand.

SPEAKER_1: And sometimes I think it’s just enough to say, I see you, I accept you, I love you.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to love you right through whatever you’re dealing with because we do all indeed have a story.

SPEAKER_1: I want to talk a little bit about your travels because you have traveled all over the place.

SPEAKER_1: What has traveling taught you about yourself and about others that has been most meaningful for you?

SPEAKER_2: I think travel is often a mirror to yourself.

SPEAKER_1: And the thing that’s magical about travel is its very present moment.

SPEAKER_2: You’re outside your comfort zone, in most cases.

SPEAKER_2: You’re in a new environment.

SPEAKER_2: You may have new smells, new foods, new languages.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a moment of being very present.

SPEAKER_2: And I think that’s part of the allure of travel, particularly if you can follow the smell of wafting garlic down a cobblestone road.

SPEAKER_2: I’m not a big group person, so for me, wandering and seeing whatever I stumble upon is very intriguing for me.

SPEAKER_2: You always learn something.
SPEAKER_2: I know when I travel, I always look for something I really enjoy about a particular location.

SPEAKER_2: For example, I lived in New Orleans for a year, and during that year, I really cultivated a taste for chicory coffee with milk and sugar.

SPEAKER_2: And for years, I ordered chicory coffee and had it delivered to wherever I was living. SPEAKER_1: Those are little things.
SPEAKER_2: I do that now with pinion coffee, actually, out of New Mexico.

SPEAKER_2: I’ve developed a real taste for that.

SPEAKER_2: But I think that part of the joy of travel is challenging your world, your worldview, and realizing people live very differently in different parts of the world.

SPEAKER_2: And I hope that fosters a lack of arrogance, if you will, because the world is not necessarily the way we think it is.

SPEAKER_2: It’s actually far more interesting than that. SPEAKER_1: I love that.
SPEAKER_1: What’s your favorite place that you’ve been to so far? SPEAKER_2: Oh, no one favorite.

SPEAKER_2: I grew up traveling a lot as a child.
SPEAKER_2: My uncle was in the Navy when it was stationed in the south of France.

SPEAKER_2: They had a villa, and we’d go over there for summers, and we’d go down to Greece, into Italy.

SPEAKER_2: I knew Paris better than New York growing up.

SPEAKER_2: I come by my comfort with Wanderlust, kind of honestly.

SPEAKER_1: There is a lot of perceived divisiveness amongst cultures of people, right?

SPEAKER_1: This culture is better than that culture, this race is better than this race.

SPEAKER_1: What sort of wisdom do you have to share on that based on what you’ve learned?

SPEAKER_1: What do you see as a possibility for cultivating a new mindset about other cultures, other people that are different from the people that we are?

SPEAKER_2: I would actually say we’re all the same.

SPEAKER_2: We have the same hopes and aspirations.

SPEAKER_2: We have the same emotions.

SPEAKER_2: The thing I would say is slow down, talk to people, try to understand, be open- minded, be willing to let go of some of your rigid beliefs.

SPEAKER_2: You might just find something more interesting to replace them.

SPEAKER_1: I love that, Pat!

SPEAKER_1: Let’s talk about your fabulous book, Bump in the Road, 15 Stories of Courage, Hope and Resilience.

SPEAKER_1: What is your greatest hope for this body of work that you’ve created?

SPEAKER_2: I hope it touches people.

SPEAKER_2: When they’re feeling down and they feel like they just can’t go forward and they’re really stuck, I hope in these stories, there is wisdom that you can glean onto and have it impact your life in a positive way.

SPEAKER_2: This is the first book in a series.

SPEAKER_2: The next book is Bump in the Road, Strong Women.

SPEAKER_2: I’m looking at Bump in the Road Business.

SPEAKER_1: Trying to choose just 15 people is very hard.

SPEAKER_2: I started the book about a year and a half into the podcast when I realized I had so much wisdom here that it had to be shared.

SPEAKER_2: One of the people in the book is Eric Blinemayer.

SPEAKER_2: He is a mountain climber, a famous mountain climber.

SPEAKER_2: At the age of 16, he went blind.

SPEAKER_2: He went on to climb Everest, the Seven Summits, and he spent eight years training to kayak the Colorado River Rapids.

SPEAKER_2: He’s just amazing!
SPEAKER_2: And really, he has a not-for-profit, No Barriers USA.

SPEAKER_2: If you’re looking for a great group to support, he focuses mostly on the disability community and veterans and runs not only inspirational programs, but kind of like outward-bound programs.

SPEAKER_2: Anyway, Eric tells a story, and I like to tell this story because I think that it’s one that we can all relate to.

SPEAKER_2: It’s his story.

SPEAKER_2: He divides the world into three groups.

SPEAKER_2: Now, the groups are fluid.

SPEAKER_2: We’ve all been in each of these groups, and we all move between these groups.

SPEAKER_2: The first group are quitters.They’re self-evident.

SPEAKER_2: The vast majority of people are campers.

SPEAKER_2: Campers want to stay in their comfort zone, and in all fairness, they may be so beaten up by life, they don’t want to put their head outside the foxhole anymore.

SPEAKER_2: And then very few people are climbers.

SPEAKER_2: And the reason I do my podcast is I, and write the books and everything, I am fascinated by what it takes to go from being a camper to a climber, because we all have it within us.

SPEAKER_2: And when you’re a climber, you’re living a realized life, and that’s where you want to be.

SPEAKER_1: Yes!.

SPEAKER_1: That’s amazing.

SPEAKER_1: I have a friend of mine with a very similar story, Chad Foster, who lost his sight when he was 21.

SPEAKER_1: They might have suffered from the same thing. SPEAKER_1: And Chad has gone on to do incredible things in his life as well.

SPEAKER_1: I share your fascination with what is it, you know, what is that, the difference in our intrinsic meter, that will that we have to move from camper, I love that phrase, camper to climber.

SPEAKER_1: It’s fascinating.

SPEAKER_2: And how do we cultivate it?

SPEAKER_1: Right, right.

SPEAKER_1: How do we cultivate that in ourselves and then inspire that in other people?

SPEAKER_1: Amazing Ones, this is an incredible book for you to pick up.
SPEAKER_1: I will include links to Pat’s book in the show notes as well, so you all can pick that up.

SPEAKER_1: So Pat, as we’ve talked about, life will throw us curveballs.

SPEAKER_1: And sometimes when those babies fly, it can feel almost impossible to pull ourselves up and keep going, to believe that what we’re experiencing will ever end or improve.

SPEAKER_1: What three tips in your infinite wisdom up until now can you offer to anyone who is facing big challenges and walking through their own version of hell to help them get to the other side and fly?

SPEAKER_2: I call it when you hit these roadblocks that just seem endless, I call it being stuck in the muck.
SPEAKER_2: Know that the muck does not last forever.
SPEAKER_2: There is another side.

SPEAKER_2: And that is so important to absolutely believe with every fiber of your being, because it’s very, very easy to just descend into darkness when really tough things happen.

SPEAKER_2: I would say, you also, I would urge anybody to reach out for help if you really hit a bad bump.

SPEAKER_2: Being able to talk through things in a non-judgmental way, I think can be very, very valuable.

SPEAKER_2: Thirdly, look within.

SPEAKER_2: Everything you need is within you, but you have to cultivate those strengths.

SPEAKER_2: You have to see them in yourself, first and foremost, and cultivate them.

SPEAKER_2: And you have to be present.

SPEAKER_2: If you’re present and you’re internally aligned, things will work out step by step.

SPEAKER_2: It is not instantaneous, but you can come to the other side of a bump in the road in a much better place than where you started.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you.

SPEAKER_1: I hear, know the muck won’t last forever, to reach out for help, talk it through with someone, find support.

SPEAKER_1: Number three, look within, because everything that you have is inside of you. SPEAKER_2: That’s beautiful.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you for those.
SPEAKER_1: All right, Amazing Ones.Here’s the big aha this week that we’ve gleaned from Pat.

SPEAKER_1: On those dark days when the challenges in your life feel hard or even impossible to navigate, remember this, you can choose to sink or you can choose to soar.

SPEAKER_1: That’s the beautiful truth, because at the start and end of every day, we all have the power to choose our mindset, which means that we can choose how we meet every moment of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for joining us today, Pat, and for sharing your highlights of your stories with us for the bodies of work that you are putting into the world through your book and your podcast, your books and your podcast.

SPEAKER_1: If our listeners would like to learn more about you or anything that you’re up to, how to fly a sailplane, how to listen to your podcast, what’s the best way for them to find you?

SPEAKER_2: The best place to start is bumpintheroad.us

SPEAKER_2: That’s the website, and it will link you to everything else out there.

SPEAKER_1: That’s awesome.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_1: Again, I deeply appreciate the human that you are, the way that you are choosing to show up and live your big, fabulous life.

SPEAKER_1: It is great!

SPEAKER_1: I would love to see videos of you flying your sailplane.
SPEAKER_1: If you have any of those, send them my way, so I can put those in the show notes too.

SPEAKER_1: It’s just would be an incredible thing to witness.
SPEAKER_1: As we sign off today, I want everyone listening to remember that we have all experienced really difficult times.

SPEAKER_1: Some of us are going through them right now.

SPEAKER_1: And when we share our stories and community, as Pat has mentioned, we remember that we’re not alone and we gain strength because we connect with each other on the most human level and that allows us to grow.

SPEAKER_1: I want you to remember this.

SPEAKER_1: There is only one you in this big, beautiful world. And in case no one’s told you yet today, that is the thing that makes you amazing.

SPEAKER_1: Big love, babe.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll see you next week.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.

SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

Are you ready to develop a mindset of clarity and confidence that helps you create your most kick ass life? If you’re nodding head to my contact form and send me a note. Let’s explore how taming your mind with mindfulness based empowerment coaching can help you get there.

How To Worry Less And Improve Your Mental Health

How To Worry Less And Improve Your Mental Health

HOW TO WORRY LESS AND IMPROVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH TRANSCRIPT

SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell. SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present, and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Thank Welcome, amazing ones.

SPEAKER_1: I am so thrilled that you were here today.

SPEAKER_1: Wherever you are and whatever stage of life you are in, I want you to know this.

SPEAKER_1: You have the power to live your most kick-ass life and be your most amazing self because you have the power to control your mindset, and that is why we are here today.

SPEAKER_1: So welcome again.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you for choosing to show up, for me, for yourself, for the community.

SPEAKER_1: One person at a time, we have the power to change the world, and that is a powerful and beautiful truth.

SPEAKER_1: So speaking of mindset, let me ask you a couple of questions. SPEAKER_1: When was the last time that you worried about something?

SPEAKER_1: I’m talking about like worrying yourself to death, getting yourself all spun up and a little tizzy, and that worrying that you did actually made something better.

SPEAKER_1: What are you worried about right now and why?

SPEAKER_1: And for the bonus question, what would happen, what would be possible for your life if you took that energy that you are spending on worry and you put it somewhere else, you poured it into yourself, you poured it into your work, into your people, into your goals and dreams, what would be possible for you?

SPEAKER_1: This week we’re going to talk about how to worry less starting today. SPEAKER_1: You do not have to wait for tomorrow or for some distant point in the future. SPEAKER_1: You can do it right now and you can start to be well and you can start to live better.

SPEAKER_1: And I’m here to help you.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to help you understand what worry is, why we worry in the first place, the impact that worry has on our lives, and how you can break your cycle of worry with three mindful micro coaching practices if living well and feeling better is important to you.

SPEAKER_1: Now, let’s sort of level set here.

SPEAKER_1: All of us, every single one of us has worried about something at some point in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Sometimes we worry about small things like temporarily.

SPEAKER_1: It could be, for instance, can we find a babysitter or can we get a pitch together, choose the right slides, choose the right images from Canva.

SPEAKER_1: Can we pull that together?

SPEAKER_1: And so we might feel this little sense of nervousness, this little creep of anxiety, but it’s short lived because we solve the problem.

SPEAKER_1: But in other cases, we are constantly in cycles of worry and that can become very, very damaging to our mental and our physical health.

SPEAKER_1: And worry is really worth exploring because science has proven that there’s a direct correlation between worry and anxiety and anxiety and depression.

SPEAKER_1: In fact, in an April, 2024 helpguide.org article, the authors of the article said, and I quote, chronic worrying can also be a major symptom of generalized anxiety disorder, a common anxiety disorder that involves tension, nervousness and a general feeling of unease that colors your whole life, end quote.

SPEAKER_1: Now check out these three staggering 2024 stats from Mental Health America, number one, anxiety disorders are the highest reported mental health issue in the US with 42.5 million Americans claiming to suffer from this illness.

SPEAKER_1: Stat number two, there are 4.5 million children in the United States diagnosed and living with anxiety right now.

SPEAKER_1: Now I don’t know about you, but that statistic is absolutely soul crushing for me to think that there are 4.5 million children living and diagnosed with anxiety.

SPEAKER_1: And stat number three, women experience depression at roughly twice the rate of men.

SPEAKER_1: So if I kind of put some logic together here, that tells me that as women, we tend to worry perhaps a bit more, worry leading to anxiety and then also to depression.

SPEAKER_1: Now here’s what I know for my own life experience, my lived experience and from the women that I know, love and coach.

SPEAKER_1: The vast majority of us have more power to determine our mindset and our mental health than we realize or even believe in this moment.

SPEAKER_1: And that is one of the big whys for She Grabs The Mic.

SPEAKER_1: Because I know that if we can understand what we’re worried about, why we worry and break the cycle by choosing to shift our mindset because we have the tools and the knowledge, then we can reduce our anxiety and depression and we can disrupt the cycle for our children and actually live healthier and happier lives.

SPEAKER_1: And who doesn’t want more of that?

SPEAKER_1: I mean, we all want to be happy and well and healthy.

SPEAKER_1: We want to experience the best life we can.

SPEAKER_1: And the way I see it is the vast majority of us are holding that power right now because we have the power to shift and determine our mindset in every single moment.

SPEAKER_1: All right, amazing ones.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s start improving our mental health together right now by understanding what worry actually is.

SPEAKER_1: So I went to Merriam-Webster and I pulled up the definition.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s what I learned.

SPEAKER_1: Worry is defined as an incessant goading or attacking that drives one to desperation.

SPEAKER_1: In other words, stimulating a reaction like a thought or a pattern of worry that attacks us and breaks us down mentally and physically.

SPEAKER_1: And that is a pretty grim thought to think that we are throwing ourselves into that place.

SPEAKER_1: Now, I like to think of worry as a child of fear, a child that can be understood if we sit down with her and then taught something new so she doesn’t fit up and wreak havoc on our lives.

SPEAKER_1: It seems a little more manageable to me. SPEAKER_1: That’s just the way my brain works. SPEAKER_1: So the impact of worry on our lives is real.

SPEAKER_1: It creates stress and anxiety that can lead to depression. SPEAKER_1: That’s what we’ve just talked about.
SPEAKER_1: That’s what the science has shown.
SPEAKER_1: Worry causes us to lose sleep.

SPEAKER_1: How many times have you awakened in the middle of the night, two, three, four o’clock with your brain spinning because you’re worried about something?

SPEAKER_1: You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_1: I’ve been there.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe you’ve been there, too.

SPEAKER_1: Worry causes us to time travel to the past and the future, two moments in time that do not exist.

SPEAKER_1: Worry keeps us in cycles of swirl that become a downward spiral for our energy, our mood, and it stems with mindset.

SPEAKER_1: It starts with the thoughts that we have. SPEAKER_1: It can lead us to think the worst.

SPEAKER_1: It can rob us of our objectivity, and it can keep us isolated and cause a chain reaction that affects our children, our friends, our family members, our coworkers, and our community.

SPEAKER_1: Worry creates emotional dysregulation in our bodies and in our minds, and it disrupts our mental health, our sleep, as I just mentioned, and our well-being.

SPEAKER_1: So let’s dig in to what we worry about.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, my God, we can find all sorts of things to put on the worry list from really small things like, will my plane be on time, to really big things like climate change and war.

SPEAKER_1: We worry about whether or not we will have enough, enough food, enough stuff, enough money, savings for retirement, whether or not people will like us or accept us, whether we left the dryer or the oven on when we left the house, whether or not our relationship will be forever, and if it fails, will we have friends afterward?

SPEAKER_1: Where will we fit then?
SPEAKER_1: We worry that people will betray us or whether or not we’ll find a new gig after we get laid off or leave our jobs by choice.

SPEAKER_1: We worry whether or not guests will come to a party that we’ve planned, whether or not our team will win the big game, whether or not our car will break down on the way to work or on a family vacation.

SPEAKER_1: We worry about whether we’re lovable or good enough, whether past mistakes we made, what we didn’t do, what we could have done, what we should have done would change our lives.

SPEAKER_1: We worry about whether or not our contributions will be appreciated or valued, whether we’ll die alone, how we’ll die, who will come to our funeral services when we do.

SPEAKER_1: We worry about whether our kids will be happy, safe and healthy, or get accepted to their school of choice.

SPEAKER_1: We worry about all sorts of things.

SPEAKER_1: Why we worry can be different for every single one of us, but the common thread is that fear creates worry.

SPEAKER_1: And that stems from this little teeny tiny almond shaped part of the brain that processes emotions, stress, fear, worry, it’s called the amygdala.

SPEAKER_1: Our tendency to worry can stem from learned behavior, from our family members, you know, the women in my family were champions when it came to worrying.

SPEAKER_1: They worried about every single thing. Somebody could be going to visit a family member. Oh my God, I worry that they’ll get there. I worry whether they’ll be in a car crash. I worry if they’ll get a flat tire or run out of gas. They worried and I learned how to worry as a child.

SPEAKER_1: Sally R. Connolly, who is an LSCW and therapist, explains that “A biological predisposition for both of these conditions is often at the root of an individual’s battle. This seems to be true with anxiety disorders even more than with depression. Some people are just worriers and they pass it down.”

SPEAKER_1: So again, it can be learned from family.

SPEAKER_1: We could have suffered a traumatic experience, something that happened in the past that we’re still holding on to that causes worry in us today.

SPEAKER_1: We could have a false sense of security, this idea that if we worry, we can control the outcome, and that is simply not the case.

SPEAKER_1: And some of us worry because of the narratives and the stories that we create in our minds when we don’t know the answer.

SPEAKER_1: So I have a friend of mine whose children went to college and when they left the house, she started engaging in this major cycle of worry.

SPEAKER_1: She was tracking them on Life360. If she couldn’t see where they were or they didn’t respond, she was pacing the halls at night. Her husband was pacing the halls at night, kicked off this chain reaction to her sisters, to her father. And then a few hours later, she would invariably learn that the kids were just fine.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe they had turned off Life360 or they had turned off their phone or left their phone in their dorm room.

SPEAKER_1: But that cycle of worry absolutely disrupted her life. SPEAKER_1: Here’s what happens when we worry.

SPEAKER_1: We remove ourselves from what’s happening right now in this present moment, because we create a cycle where one bad thought leads to another until we are firmly in the swirl of stress, anxiety, nervousness, and it just absolutely overtakes us.

SPEAKER_1: It affects our thinking, it affects our energy, our mood, the way we feel in our physical bodies, and that causes us to lose our objectivity.

SPEAKER_1: We create a thinking pattern that becomes a habit, and that eventually breaks us down. SPEAKER_1: It impairs our mental health and our physical health.

SPEAKER_1: We enter these cycles of swirl, as I mentioned, this negativity and stress that creates nervousness and anxiety that consumes our thoughts and our state of well-being, and it can even lead us to depression, as science has shown us.

SPEAKER_1: Negative thoughts stimulate cortisol and adrenaline in our bodies, and when these chemicals are flooding our bodies, inflammation increases, our cognition becomes impaired, and we can become addicted to those chemicals.

SPEAKER_1: We can also become addicted to the cycles of stress and drama and chaos. SPEAKER_1: Now, the big deal is this.

SPEAKER_1: If you are a constant worrier, and you’ve been used to holding that space in your mind and in your life, it’s sometimes really, really, really tough to break the cycle because there’s a sense of emptiness.

SPEAKER_1: What will I hold? What will I do with my thoughts? How will I expend my energy?

SPEAKER_1: So, for all of my champion world-class worriers out there, the really big question is this.

SPEAKER_1: How do we stop worrying today so that we can start living and enjoying our lives with more freedom, ease, and a greater sense of overall well-being?

SPEAKER_1: The short answer is this.

SPEAKER_1: We get mindful.

SPEAKER_1: We pay attention to our mindset.

SPEAKER_1: And we do that by slowly and consistently developing a practice of tuning in to what is happening for us right here, right now, in the present, the only moment in time that is real.

SPEAKER_1: We start observing our thoughts and our words.

SPEAKER_1: We look at them as if they’re on a television screen.

SPEAKER_1: We get in touch with that.

SPEAKER_1: A lot of us are moving so quickly that we’re not in tune with what we’re thinking or feeling.

SPEAKER_1: We are reacting when that amygdala is sounding the alarm.
SPEAKER_1: We go into full states of fear, stress, worry, panic, anxiety, depression, and we can stop

that cycle when we just slow down.

SPEAKER_1: When we start challenging our tendency to worry with objectivity and intentionality, we have the power to break the cycle and to change our mindset to one of possibility and optimism.

SPEAKER_1: We can start to ask ourselves what could go right instead of focusing on what could go wrong.

SPEAKER_1: There are worry words.

SPEAKER_1: There is a language of worry, and I’m going to share that with you so that you can know you might be worrying if you are thinking or saying words like, I’ll be so worried if, I don’t know what I’ll do if, what happens if or when, I just hope, I’m just hoping, I’m praying it will be okay.

SPEAKER_1: I wonder if, what if, if this or that happens, then maybe I should have, I could have, it could have.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re using any of those words, you’re probably in a cycle of worry that could potentially lead to anxiety and depression.

SPEAKER_1: Now, all of us have said one or all of these phrases at some point or another, I certainly have.

SPEAKER_1: So, let’s pause here.

SPEAKER_1: Notice the tense of these statements.

SPEAKER_1: The first several represent the future.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll read them again.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll be so worried if or when, I don’t know what I’ll do if, I just hope, I’m just hoping, I’m praying it will be okay.

SPEAKER_1: I wonder if, what if, if this or that happens then.

SPEAKER_1: Those are all future looking statements. Now, the last two take place in the past.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe I should have, I could have, if only I had. SPEAKER_1: See what I mean?

SPEAKER_1: Those statements keep us time traveling and they rob us of what is happening right now in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Now, this is so important when it comes to shifting your mindset because thoughts create words and actions.

SPEAKER_1: And if you can catch your worry thoughts by observing them because you are present with what you are thinking right now, there’s a damn good chance that you can disrupt the cycle and get yourself out of the worry swirl.

SPEAKER_1: Observing or noticing your thoughts, amazing ones, this is basic mindfulness.

SPEAKER_1: It doesn’t mean we’re always going to like what we see.

SPEAKER_1: It means that we are aware of what is going on in our minds.

SPEAKER_1: And then once we are aware, we are in a place where we can make a choice, where we can determine our mindset.

SPEAKER_1: It’s that simple.

SPEAKER_1: But practicing it can be hard because if we’re used to being in the swirl and this cycle of frenzy and reactivity, emotional disregulation, it can be really tough to cultivate a new pattern.

SPEAKER_1: But neuroscience shows us that we can.
SPEAKER_1: We can disrupt negative patterns any time that we choose. SPEAKER_1: It is a matter of choice and it is a matter of consistent practice.

SPEAKER_1: Now, if you want to start worrying less, I am inviting you to say yes to three mindful practices that will help you start to develop a way of being and thinking that will help you shift your mindset.

SPEAKER_1: It will help you develop confidence and clarity and awareness that will improve your overall quality of life.

SPEAKER_1: It takes practice.
SPEAKER_1: Presence is practice.
SPEAKER_1: It’s not going to happen overnight.
SPEAKER_1: But the more you practice, the easier it becomes.
SPEAKER_1: And I am living proof of that.
SPEAKER_1: I caught myself over the weekend worrying about something.

SPEAKER_1: And I saw the thought, I felt it in my body.

SPEAKER_1: Because I had practiced, I was able to disrupt the cycle.

SPEAKER_1: I was able to say, all right, what’s going on here?

SPEAKER_1: Why are you spending energy in this place?

SPEAKER_1: And I was able to shift my mindset and then take a deep breath and move forward.

SPEAKER_1: So here are the three steps for you.

SPEAKER_1: Number one, name your worries and understand where they camp out.

SPEAKER_1: Make a list of what you’re worried about right now.

SPEAKER_1: Put pen to paper. Get it out of your brain and onto the page.

SPEAKER_1: For my nighttime warriors, this is also a super powerful practice to add to your bedtime routine.

SPEAKER_1: It will improve your sleep, your brain function, your cognition, and your overall mental and physical health.

SPEAKER_1: So get familiar with how you feel in your body when you are worrying.

SPEAKER_1: Where does it camp out and show up for you?

SPEAKER_1: I know I’m in a worry cycle when my thoughts start to feel like they’re in a blender, and then my heart begins to race, and that’s my signal to hit pause, to take a few breaths, and to name my worries so that I can become aware of them.

SPEAKER_1: Number two, get clear on the timeline.
SPEAKER_1: Worrying causes us to time travel, as I mentioned, most often to the past and to the future.

SPEAKER_1: So once you name your worries, ask yourself, where does my worry belong? Somewhere in the past? Somewhere in the future? Or is it something that is right here in the present moment for me?
SPEAKER_1: Number three, look for the evidence.

SPEAKER_1: What evidence do you have right now that you need to worry about that thing or that person or that situation?

SPEAKER_1: How will worrying be beneficial?

SPEAKER_1: What evidence do you have that something is going to go wrong?

SPEAKER_1: And then what could go right?

SPEAKER_1: That is one of the most important questions to ask because when we get in a cycle of worry, all we’re focused on is the worst.

SPEAKER_1: The bottom falling out, the other shoe dropping, whatever analogy you want to use, we rarely think about what could go right.

SPEAKER_1: But when we shift our mindset from that place of what could go wrong because we have the evidence in front of us to what could go right, we can liberate ourselves and disrupt the cycle.

SPEAKER_1: So as we wrap up, here’s the reframe for today.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s review what we’ve covered.

SPEAKER_1: First of all, worry can create stress, anxiety, and even depression. Science has shown us that.

SPEAKER_1: Worry can damage our mental health, our physical health, and diminish the goodness and ease in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Number two, we have power over our mental health, over our mindset.

SPEAKER_1: Understanding what’s happening behind the scenes, practicing, applying the tools that help us develop a healthy mindset is a choice.

SPEAKER_1: So once we have the information, what’s going on, why am I worrying, where does it belong, what is my evidence, oh, and here are the tools that I can use to break the cycle, then it becomes a matter of choice.

SPEAKER_1: Lastly, your mindset, Amazing Ones, can be your greatest asset or your greatest liability. And that choice is up to you in every single moment of every single day.

SPEAKER_1: If you are ready to stop worrying today, to shift your mindset, I invite you to start applying those three simple practices that I shared.

SPEAKER_1: Name your worries and understand where they camp out in your body.

SPEAKER_1: Get clear on the timeline and look for your evidence.

SPEAKER_1: Day by day, moment by moment, practice leads to presence.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for choosing to be right here right now.

SPEAKER_1: I know there are a gazillion other things you could have been doing or places that you could be.

SPEAKER_1: And I appreciate you from the bottom of my heart.
SPEAKER_1: And I’m high-fiving you for choosing to show up for yourself today.

SPEAKER_1: If this episode has been meaningful to you, I would be oh so super grateful if you would take a few seconds to tap the three little dots at the top right of your screen and tap the word follow.

SPEAKER_1: And please, please, please help me spread the good vibes to other women in your life by scrolling to the bottom of the show homepage, tapping the five stars and dropping a few kind words about the show and what it’s meant for you.

SPEAKER_1: I would be abundantly grateful.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you!

SPEAKER_1: As we wrap up today, remember this, there is only one you.

SPEAKER_1: And in case no one’s told you yet today, that is what makes you amazing.

SPEAKER_1: Big love, babe.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll see you next week.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.

SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

 

.Research Cited:

Thanks to Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, and Jeanne Segal for their article in Helpguide.org

Hartgrove Hospital 

Healthline

Henry Ford Health

Are you ready to develop a mindset of clarity and confidence that helps you create your most kick ass life? If you’re nodding head to my contact form and send me a note. Let’s explore how taming your mind with mindfulness based empowerment coaching can help you get there.

How To Ignite The Best Love Affair You’ll Ever Have

How To Ignite The Best Love Affair You’ll Ever Have

HOW TO IGNITE THE BEST LOVE AFFAIR YOU’LL EVER HAVE

TRANSCRIPT

SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.

SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present, and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, Amazing Ones!
SPEAKER_1: I am so happy that you’re here!
SPEAKER_1: Thank you for choosing to tune in and spend a little time with me again this week.

SPEAKER_1: But more importantly, thank you for choosing to say yes to yourself! Every single time you download She Grabs The Mic and pop me in your ears, you’re saying, yes, “I want to figure out what’s possible for me.”

SPEAKER_1: Yes, I want to be the fiercest and most awesome version of myself for me.”

SPEAKER_1: Before you wrap up this day, give yourself a big old round of applause for showing up for you.

SPEAKER_1: Now, along those lines, we’re going to be talking about self love today.

SPEAKER_1: Before we dive into it, I’m going to kick it off with a couple of questions.

SPEAKER_1: What do you see when you look in the mirror?

SPEAKER_1: Do you see what needs to be fixed or do you see what deserves to be loved?

SPEAKER_1: This week, we’re talking about resetting from the She-Beast called judgment to her fierce and fabulous counterpart, Admiration, to help you rock your life.

SPEAKER_1: We’re talking about unconditionally loving, admiring, and claiming the woman you are by shifting your mindset, language, and awareness.

SPEAKER_1: Across this episode, I’m going to share why it’s so hard for us to say what we love and admire about ourselves, much less say it out loud.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll tell you a story about my journey from self-loathing to unconditional love and admiration.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll help you understand how holding this type of love for yourself will change your life, and three things that you need to have in place to make the shift.

SPEAKER_1: And by the end, you will walk away with a fresh perspective and three micro coaching practices that will help you not only get in touch with what you love and admire most about you, but practices that will help you write a love letter to yourself that will blow any store-bought card right out of the water.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll wind up with an empowering artifact that will remind you of how truly amazing and lovable you are.

SPEAKER_1: All right, buckle up. Here we go!

SPEAKER_1: If I ask you to write a list of what you dislike and what you like about yourself, which list would be longer and why?

SPEAKER_1: Now, if I gave you the task of writing yourself a love letter, where would you begin?

SPEAKER_1: What would it say?

SPEAKER_1: What feelings and thoughts are bubbling up for you right now, just thinking about putting pen to paper and writing yourself a love letter?

SPEAKER_1: This is an important conversation because across all of the conversations that I am having with women I love, know, and coach, I am learning that one of the hardest things for them to answer is this.

SPEAKER_1: What do you love and admire most about yourself? SPEAKER_1: And their reactions are very similar.

SPEAKER_1: Some of them cry.
SPEAKER_1: They say nothing.

SPEAKER_1: Some say, I don’t know.
SPEAKER_1: I have no idea.
SPEAKER_1: I’ve never thought about it.
SPEAKER_1: But here’s the really interesting part.
SPEAKER_1: When I ask them, what do other people love and admire about you, their answers flow much easier.

SPEAKER_1: They can come up with usually at least two or three things that other people love and admire.

SPEAKER_1: To me, this is a sad truth, and it’s also an exciting opportunity.

SPEAKER_1: Love is defined as a feeling of intense, deep affection.

SPEAKER_1: As I think about us, the obvious question becomes this.

SPEAKER_1: Why the heck shouldn’t we feel deep affection for the people that we are?

SPEAKER_1: Understanding why saying what we love and admire about ourselves is hard is pretty easy to understand if we just look around.

SPEAKER_1: We overlook what makes us amazing because we measure our lovability by what the outside world tells us is lovable and admirable.

SPEAKER_1: The media, our parents, our bosses, others, look around.

SPEAKER_1: What messages are you taking in?

SPEAKER_1: We live in the swirl of comparing ourselves to others, and this leads to self-sabotaging cycles of shame, blame, guilt, and self-doubt.

SPEAKER_1: The she-beasts that confirm and perpetuate our constant state of not being enough, not being lovable.

SPEAKER_1: We inherit negative self-images about ourselves from people around us.

SPEAKER_1: Some of us are told we’d be more lovable if we will be good enough when.

SPEAKER_1: Some of us are involved in toxic, controlling, or even narcissistic personal relationships.

SPEAKER_1: Some of us work really hard and we do our damn best only to be undervalued and overlooked time and time again.

SPEAKER_1: So consequently, we focus more time on what needs to be fixed than on what deserves to be loved.

SPEAKER_1: And this is so easy for most of us.
SPEAKER_1: The problem is this way of thinking becomes a blocker.
SPEAKER_1: It keeps us in a cycle of striving that makes us feel miserable and constantly less than.

SPEAKER_1: How the hell can you love that?

SPEAKER_1: The mindset of fixing and striving, it affects our careers, our relationships, our mental and physical health, and the overall quality of our lives at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_1: Now here’s what I know.

SPEAKER_1: When we say, this is what I love and admire about myself because we can get to that place, our quality of life totally changes because our thinking changes.

SPEAKER_1: Our language then changes, and we develop this beautiful confidence in who we uniquely are.

SPEAKER_1: It’s simple math.

SPEAKER_1: Now I’m going to be the first one to admit, this is hard as hell.

SPEAKER_1: It is not easy. Nothing easy about it.

SPEAKER_1: It took me decades to love and admire myself.

SPEAKER_1: I was a tall, super gangly girl who loved animals more than most people, and I had a really hard time fitting in.

SPEAKER_1: To make matters worse, I stuttered until I was in high school, and I had braces like the full metal jacket braces with like the rubber bands and the whole nine yards.

SPEAKER_1: It was hard for me to see anything that I loved when I looked in the mirror.  And in my free time, I was a ballerina.

SPEAKER_1: I lived in that world where perfection and beauty were the only things that were rewarded or valued.

SPEAKER_1: I was super awkward with boys and the furthest thing from the girls that I considered to be beautiful or sexy.

SPEAKER_1: When I looked in the mirror, I saw a flawed, unlovable girl who didn’t measure up, who didn’t fit in, who didn’t deserve to be loved.

SPEAKER_1: Now that mindset spilled over into my college years, and it was pretty damn damaging.

SPEAKER_1: In an attempt to love myself, I searched for love and admiration in all the wrong places.

SPEAKER_1: I went out with boys who took advantage and treated me poorly so I could feel lovable.

SPEAKER_1: I spent more money than I had to get love from my friends.

SPEAKER_1: I partied until I dropped, shape-shifted, and pretended to be anyone but who I really was, all so I could be loved.

SPEAKER_1: And as I think back to those days, I remember feeling like a total sellout.

SPEAKER_1: Now the good news is my life took a positive turn in my mid-twenties.

SPEAKER_1: I finally got some sense.

SPEAKER_1: I reached a point where I was embarrassed for myself about the way I was allowing myself to be treated.

SPEAKER_1: And believe it or not, that can be one hell of a motivator.

SPEAKER_1: I started practicing mindfulness, and once I did, I stopped looking outside of myself for love.

SPEAKER_1: It was scary as hell.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, I remember going inward, breathing, being asked and directed to look at what was going on in my mind and it was like the most telling thing in the world.

SPEAKER_1: I saw all of my truths, all of my criticism, all of my judgment, all of my fear.

SPEAKER_1: It was all right there in front of me.

SPEAKER_1: But I began to get really clear on the parts of me that deserved love because I loved those things about me.

SPEAKER_1: And little by little, my whole life took a big turn for the better.

SPEAKER_1: I broke up with my abusive and disrespectful boyfriend.

SPEAKER_1: I quit my shitty job.

SPEAKER_1: Those years primed the pump for the full-on love vest I realized in my 30s when my son Luke was born.

SPEAKER_1: That was the day I understood full-on, unconditional love like I had never known amazing ones.

SPEAKER_1: It was a deep, primal love.

SPEAKER_1: It ignited my need to protect, to nurture and support him.

SPEAKER_1: It was love that was so big that it filled me up and left me wanting for absolutely nothing.

SPEAKER_1: Everything that I wanted and needed in the world was right there in front of me.

SPEAKER_1: And the full-on, unconditional love I felt for my sweet baby boy was intoxicating.

SPEAKER_1: It was freaking world-stopping.

SPEAKER_1: And as I experienced that love for him, I had some amazing moments of clarity for me.

SPEAKER_1: I realized that I had a capacity for a level and depth of love I had never imagined.

SPEAKER_1: And I realized that because I had that capacity, I could feel that kind of love for myself.

SPEAKER_1: All I had to do was allow it to be true.

SPEAKER_1: Once I crossed that hurdle, which took a little time, I experienced a privilege and depth of love I’d never known for myself.

SPEAKER_1: It was a freakin’ game changer!

SPEAKER_1: Because I learned how to love and admire myself as a woman, I looked in the mirror and I saw strength and fierceness, and I loved what I was choosing to see.

SPEAKER_1: I stopped tolerating bad behavior. I created healthy boundaries.

SPEAKER_1: I started speaking up for what I thought was important, for what I deserved and for what I wanted.

SPEAKER_1: And as I developed more confidence and admiration for myself, guess what happened? I started taking bold ass chances.

SPEAKER_1: I stopped competing and comparing myself with other people, and that freed up extra energy for me to be me.

SPEAKER_1: That depth of unconditional love and admiration that I felt for myself helped me love the people in my life for who they were instead of for who I wanted them to be.

SPEAKER_1: And that became a boomerang of goodness that I still realize today.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s what I know.

SPEAKER_1: We all have really damn good reasons to love and admire ourselves, and to realize what they are, you need three ingredients, awareness, language, and daily practice.

SPEAKER_1: These three things help you connect with the reasons that you deserve to love and admire yourself, all the reasons that you are admirable and lovable for you.

SPEAKER_1: So I want to get you started.
SPEAKER_1: I want to help you get out of the gate, cross that hurdle a lot more easily than I did.

SPEAKER_1: And I’m going to do that today by sharing three micro coaching practices that if this is important to you, you can start to bring into your life.

SPEAKER_1: So if you’re ready, grab your pen and paper because here we go.

SPEAKER_1: Okay, as I mentioned, awareness has to come first. SPEAKER_1: Call it mindfulness, call it awareness.
SPEAKER_1: Whatever you want, it’s the same.

SPEAKER_1: And I’ll tell you that this is the really tough part.
SPEAKER_1: It can be really, really, really hard to get started, but it’s worth it.

SPEAKER_1: Pull up your big girl britches, get that courage teed up, and say yes to developing some awareness.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the tip.
SPEAKER_1: Start small, be gentle with yourself.
SPEAKER_1: Ask yourself a few questions like any of these. SPEAKER_1: What was different and good because I showed up today?

SPEAKER_1: What qualities do I have that made that showing up possible?

SPEAKER_1: Write down what you discover and keep a daily list. SPEAKER_1: Post it where you can see it.
SPEAKER_1: Don’t be afraid to use the post-it notes.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, my God, buy the colorful ones!

SPEAKER_1: Stick one on your fridge, one on your bathroom mirror, one on your computer, one on your desk, one on your visor in your car.

SPEAKER_1: Create the awareness around what was different because you showed up and the qualities that you have, that you uniquely have, that made that possible.

SPEAKER_1: Start getting comfortable with the awareness that you create.

SPEAKER_1: Number two, language.

SPEAKER_1: Okay, this is really important.

SPEAKER_1: If you are using words like old, fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, unmotivated, unsuccessful, boring, any of those, I mean, that’s just the tip of the iceberg, right?

SPEAKER_1: There are all sorts of words that we use that are really unkind, but if you’re using any of those, I want you to pause, and I want you to erase those words from your language because your brain is taking that in, and that is creating the person that you are right now.

SPEAKER_1: It is totally shaping your mindset.

SPEAKER_1: So get mindful about the adjectives and descriptive words that you use to describe yourself.

SPEAKER_1: Make sure they’re kind.

SPEAKER_1: If they’re not words that you would speak to a friend or to your child, for God’s sakes, don’t speak them to yourself.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the tip.

SPEAKER_1: Think of a friend or family member who really, really loves you.

SPEAKER_1: Ask them what they love and admire most about you.

SPEAKER_1: Write down the adjectives that they say, and start incorporating those into your language.

SPEAKER_1: This is how you start to build supportive neural pathways that help you shift from the she beast called judgment to her alter ego called admiration.

SPEAKER_1: Pretty simple stuff.
SPEAKER_1: Not always easy to get rolling, but the more that you practice, the easier it becomes.

SPEAKER_1: That leads us perfectly into number three, practice.

SPEAKER_1: Practice leads to habits.

SPEAKER_1: You’ve heard me say it before, and I will say it again, presence is practice.

SPEAKER_1: Knowing what you love and admire about yourself requires presence of mind.

SPEAKER_1: The more you practice something, the more familiar and easier it becomes.

SPEAKER_1: So practice every day, morning, noon, and night.

SPEAKER_1: Make it one of your rituals.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the tip.

SPEAKER_1: And this is a really big one, right?

SPEAKER_1: This is going to take us right back to the beginning of the episode, but I want you to be bold enough to say yes, because I believe that you can.

SPEAKER_1: I know that you have it in you.

SPEAKER_1: And by the way, if you actually accomplish this, because I know so many of you will, send me a note and let me know.

SPEAKER_1: I want to hear about your victories.

SPEAKER_1: Okay, here’s the tip. SPEAKER_1: Get ready for it.
SPEAKER_1: Write a love letter to yourself.  Yep, I said it. Write a love letter to yourself.

SPEAKER_1: Include every single thing that you love and admire.

SPEAKER_1: This practice is more fun and more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

SPEAKER_1: I have one client who started doing this, and now she rides around with a younger version of her imaginary self in the car with the windows down, laughing and having the time of her life.

SPEAKER_1: It’s great stuff. Get creative.

SPEAKER_1: Decorate the love letter.

SPEAKER_1: Use colored markers.

SPEAKER_1: Cover it with glitter.

SPEAKER_1: You deserve it!

SPEAKER_1: And if it feels really hard to get going, think outside of the box.

SPEAKER_1: What would your younger self admire and love most about the woman that you are right now?

SPEAKER_1: What does your adult self love and admire most about the child that you used to be?

SPEAKER_1: What carried over from now to then and vice versa?

SPEAKER_1: Get really, really clear on that, because I was just talking with a friend of mine yesterday who said, you know what?

SPEAKER_1: Who we were as kids at around five or six, she’s still there, and you know what? She’s right.
SPEAKER_1: So get super clear on her.
SPEAKER_1: Have a little role play.

SPEAKER_1: Make it fun.

SPEAKER_1: And finally, if the child thing doesn’t work, looking at yourself as the woman now or vice versa, put yourself in the position of one of your dearest friends.

SPEAKER_1: What would she write to you?

SPEAKER_1: I hope this episode is the start of the greatest love affair you’ve ever experienced, the most unconditional, kick-ass, transformative kind of love that you have never, ever, ever imagined and that you have always deserved and deserve right now.

SPEAKER_1: Thanks for joining me, Amazing Ones.

SPEAKER_1: If you need any help kick-starting your journey to love and admiration, to dismantling the sheep-beast of judgment, head to my website.

SPEAKER_1: Send me a note through my contact form.

SPEAKER_1: I’d love to meet you. I’d love to help you get there.

SPEAKER_1: Until then, I’ll see you next week, and I’m sending you big, big, big, big kick-ass love.

SPEAKER_1: Thanks for being here.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.

SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

How To Get Off The Guilt Train To Start Living Your Best Life

How To Get Off The Guilt Train To Start Living Your Best Life

HOW TO GET OF FTHE GUILT TRAIN TO START LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE

TRANSCRIPT

SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.

SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present, and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, Amazing Ones!

SPEAKER_1: I am so happy that you were here.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, welcome, welcome.

SPEAKER_1: This is the point in your day when you get to have a chance to kick back and relax, and get some good vibes flowing, learn a little bit about yourself, expand, grow, unfold.

SPEAKER_1: Let me ask you this.
SPEAKER_1: What’s bringing you joy this week?
SPEAKER_1: What’s making you smile?
SPEAKER_1: What’s making you feel alive?
SPEAKER_1: What’s making you feel so damn good that you can’t even believe it’s your life?

SPEAKER_1: Okay, here’s another question.
SPEAKER_1: What’s bogging you down?
SPEAKER_1: What’s pulling down your thoughts and your feelings and your energy?

SPEAKER_1: What do you need to shake loose to get into those good vibes?
SPEAKER_1: This week, we’re talking about a very heavy feeling called guilt.
SPEAKER_1: It’s one of the She Beasts that disrupts your energy, your thinking, and your actions.

SPEAKER_1: All of us feel it, or all of us have at least felt it at some time so we’re going to dig into this and explore what guilt really is. We’re going to talk about the impact of guilt on your mindset, mental, physical, and energetic health.

SPEAKER_1: And, we’re going to look at examples of where guilt is most prominent for the women I know, the women I love, the women I coach.

SPEAKER_1: I’ll share three tips with you that will help you understand your guilt tendencies so that you can break the damn guilt cycle and experience more flow, health, and joy, because that, amazing ones, is what life is all about.

SPEAKER_1: Now, I thought this was an important topic because guilt is coming up in nearly every conversation that I have these days with the women I love, know, and coach.

SPEAKER_1: It’s absolutely a part of every initial conversation that I have when I am coaching.

SPEAKER_1: I hear statements like, I feel guilty.
SPEAKER_1: I have so much guilt, Cole.
SPEAKER_1: “I’ll feel guilt if. I feel guilt because. I feel guilt when.”

SPEAKER_1: Here’s what I’ve learned.

SPEAKER_1: Guilt is a big-ass blocker. It just holds us back.

SPEAKER_1: And when we understand where it comes from, when we understand where we’ve learned guilt, we can change our thinking. We can break that damn cycle. We can start living our best lives because mindset is a game changer.

SPEAKER_1: Once we have clarity around some of these patterns of thinking, these patterns of choice that lead us back to the same damn frustrating place over and over again, we can begin to break free from all of that and, quite frankly, just experience a beautiful life.

SPEAKER_1: We can transform everything about ourselves, about our life, and not in a way that we need to be fixed, but in a way that we just get to say, yes, life, I love you, I want to be part of you, I want to feel good, I want to stand up for myself, I want to know that I am here and that I am choosing this life for me.

SPEAKER_1: As we look at guilt, I’ve noticed that we can feel guilt over any number of things, big and small.

SPEAKER_1: We can feel guilt about working too many hours or not working hard enough.

SPEAKER_1: Taking vacation that we have earned, taking a sick day when we’re unwell, leaving a relationship that is unhealthy or simply going nowhere, picking our kids up five minutes late, getting impatient, feeling tired, honking our horn, serving takeout to our guest, lapsing in our journal practice, missing yoga, not cleaning our house, sleeping in late, missing a religious service, failing to put out flowers on a gravesite of someone we’ve lost, missing our best friend’s call, enjoying a piece of cake or a glass of wine, saying no, saying yes, visiting with somebody for 15 minutes instead of an hour, not doing enough, doing too much, choosing ourselves first, speaking up for what we deserve, pursuing what we need to be happy and whole, and the last three are really big ones, because as long as you feel guilt, you will self-sacrifice.

SPEAKER_1: You will stay in a cycle of self-sabotage, and it will rob you of all of that joy and goodness and freedom and happiness and openness that you can feel in your life.

SPEAKER_1: Across any of these examples, let me ask you this.

SPEAKER_1: How the hell is guilt serving you well and adding anything positive to your life?

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the short answer. It’s not.

SPEAKER_1: Guilt proves resentment, anger, frustration.

SPEAKER_1: It creates inertia.

SPEAKER_1: And all of that stuff is super heavy and toxic for your mental, physical, and energetic health.

SPEAKER_1: It’s like constantly hitting yourself in the face with boxing gloves.

SPEAKER_1: I don’t think any of us want to do that, but when we stay in these guilt cycles and we say these words, this is where we land.

SPEAKER_1: Now, I’m going to tell you a story about my relationship with guilt, which was very long- standing for a very long time, to help you know that I understand where you’re coming from.

SPEAKER_1: So here’s the story.
SPEAKER_1: I’ve had a lifelong experience of not getting along well with one of my sisters.

SPEAKER_1: I grew up feeling really, really guilty about this.
SPEAKER_1: I was the big sister.
SPEAKER_1: My job was to love on my people, right?

SPEAKER_1: I was told I should find a way to get along no matter what, because after all, we had shared the same uterus.

SPEAKER_1: My dear mother would say things like, one day, girls, I’ll be dead, and all you three will have is each other.

SPEAKER_1: I’ve done the very best I can to raise you all. SPEAKER_1: I don’t know where I failed.
SPEAKER_1: Guilt, guilt, heavy-ass guilt.
SPEAKER_1: I wanted to please my family.

SPEAKER_1: I wanted to please my mom.

SPEAKER_1: I wanted all of us to be oh-so-happy.
SPEAKER_1: So I assumed the burden of getting along because I felt guilty.

SPEAKER_1: I didn’t even understand what guilt was, but I knew that it was this heavy thing that I was supposed to feel because I couldn’t make this thing work with my sister.

SPEAKER_1: I felt so guilty. And I pursued getting along even though it was harmful to me over and over again.

SPEAKER_1: I tried for decades to improve our relationship.
SPEAKER_1: I wanted to help my sister.
SPEAKER_1: I showed up for her time and time again, and I caved on what I needed when she got angry. I desperately wanted to replace this discord that my family was feeling with harmony.

SPEAKER_1: I thought I wasn’t a good person.

SPEAKER_1: I thought I wasn’t a good sister.

SPEAKER_1: I had all of these negative themes running through my head.

SPEAKER_1: The simple truth is I had learned how to feel guilt, and at the end of the day, the outcome same for me.

SPEAKER_1: In spite of my best efforts to appease and please, I wound up feeling compromised and the guilt that drove my self-sacrificing actions caused me to feel frustrated, caused me to feel angry and resentful, and man, I carried that shit around for so long.

SPEAKER_1: It was like a big-ass, old-school Samsonite suitcase, no wheels, no strap, just chocked full of heavy shit that I was lugging around, and it was exhausting.

SPEAKER_1: The relationship was incredibly tough.

SPEAKER_1: It has been incredibly tough my entire life, and every time I gave in to try to please, to try to fix, because I felt this guilt, I abandoned myself.

SPEAKER_1: I was accepting less than I wanted or deserved as a person.

SPEAKER_1: And man, like I said, I carried that around for years until it got so heavy that I couldn’t carry it anymore.

SPEAKER_1: And then I started to, you know, explore who I was, to unfold, to understand how I ticked, to understand what made me tick.

SPEAKER_1: And as I learned and I started to grow, I started to understand that the relationship that my sister and I had was not my responsibility.

SPEAKER_1: Just because we were related, it did not mean that we had to get along as my dear mother had led me to believe.

SPEAKER_1: As I continued to learn and understand myself, I realized I had no reason to feel guilt.

SPEAKER_1: I had not committed a specified crime or offense.
SPEAKER_1: I had done the very best that I could.
SPEAKER_1: And I learned that my sister had done the best that she could too.

SPEAKER_1: At the end of the day, I realized that my sister and I are quite simply two fundamentally different people.

SPEAKER_1: If we were not related, if we had not shared the same uterus, we would never have gotten along. We would not be friends.

SPEAKER_1: When I finally accepted all of those things, I made peace with our differences.

SPEAKER_1: I made peace with the fact that we just didn’t get along.
SPEAKER_1: I was able to drop the anger, the frustration, the resentment.

SPEAKER_1: When I freed up the space where those emotions had lived within me, I created space for positive feelings and thoughts that served me well.

SPEAKER_1: The most beautiful thing happened, I was able to look at my sister in the eye with love. I was able to wish her well.
SPEAKER_1: I was able to feel compassion for her and send her love.
SPEAKER_1: By letting go of all of my guilt, I let both of us off the hook.

SPEAKER_1: I let the whole family off the hook.

SPEAKER_1: The super cool byproduct of that choice is that all of us are happier, because none of us have to carry that shit around anymore.

SPEAKER_1: This was a process of shifting my mindset.

SPEAKER_1: It took a lot of self-awareness, a lot of mindful intention, a lot of courage and vulnerability, because learning about yourself is hard business, amazing ones.

SPEAKER_1: There is nothing easy about it.

SPEAKER_1: So as I was working to understand my guilt, I looked up the definition, which I do pretty often, because I needed to really understand what this word meant.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, I had learned it as a child, but I didn’t really understand what the word itself meant.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s what I learned.

SPEAKER_1: Guilt is the fact of having committed a specified offense or crime.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to read that one more time.

SPEAKER_1: Guilt is the fact of having committed a specified offense or crime.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the way I look at it. Unless you’ve committed a specified offense or crime, there is absolutely no reason to use this word or carry it around with you anymore.

SPEAKER_1: You don’t have to.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a choice. SPEAKER_1: You can let it go.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the thing.

SPEAKER_1: Guilt is learned.

SPEAKER_1: It becomes ingrained in your language and in your mindset, usually at a very early age.

SPEAKER_1: This could have happened, like I said, when you were young, very impressionable as a child.

SPEAKER_1: This pattern of guilt could be something that you inherited and blindly assumed without even realizing that it was happening.

SPEAKER_1: You could have learned guilt when you were in a toxic relationship or when someone was attempting to manipulate you to do something that you really didn’t want to do because it served them well.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe guilt was used as a control lever in your life, some way to take you out of your power.

SPEAKER_1: You could have learned it in your religious or faith-based community.

SPEAKER_1: And once you learned it, guilt became part of your thinking, your feelings, and your energy.

SPEAKER_1: It was like a little fabric that wove in your brain, and it became one of these things that over time, the more that you said it, the more real it became that you were a guilty person.

SPEAKER_1: Now, remember, guilty people commit specified offenses or crimes, and so if that does not fit you, I am here to liberate you from your guilt today.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s what I want you to know.

SPEAKER_1: Guilt is a form of self-sabotage.

SPEAKER_1: Like I said, it’s like hitting yourself in the face with boxing gloves over and over and over again.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a form of manipulation.
SPEAKER_1: It is an absolutely freaking useless emotion. SPEAKER_1: It does not create anything positive in your life.

SPEAKER_1: I want you to think of it like cinder blocks tied around your ankles that just pull you down every single time this feeling bubbles up inside of you.

SPEAKER_1: Every time you use the words, it is an anchor that is keeping you from your best self.

SPEAKER_1: As I mentioned earlier, guilt is also a blocker.

SPEAKER_1: It is a big-ass barrier.

SPEAKER_1: It keeps us small and prevents us from expanding and realizing the best life that we possibly can realize for ourselves.

SPEAKER_1: Guilt is an excuse for not taking positive action or responsibility. You know, you can say, Oh, I feel really guilty about this.

SPEAKER_1: When in reality, if you really felt that bad about something, maybe you could make a change, but guilt becomes the excuse and it becomes very easy to just bow out of doing the thing that you most need to do.

SPEAKER_1: Guilt is total, full-on sludge.

SPEAKER_1: It does nothing for you.

SPEAKER_1: In fact, I’m going to say it’s sludge inside of quicksand.

SPEAKER_1: It just pulls you right in, sucks you in to the lowest vibrational energy that you can experience.

SPEAKER_1: It also time travels.
SPEAKER_1: Guilt can exist in the past, present, or future.

SPEAKER_1: It can cause you to reel and miss the power of this present moment, that you’re in, the beauty, the fullness, the realness of this moment.

SPEAKER_1: It’s really toxic stuff.

SPEAKER_1: It clouds your thinking, it clouds your emotions.

SPEAKER_1: It causes your personal energy to vibrate at a low frequency.

SPEAKER_1: There’s a very famous coach who I love, and his name is Steve Chandler, and he talks about the ladder of energy.

SPEAKER_1: And so the ideal place for us to vibrate, for us to be, for us to live is in the high vibrational energy of love, compassion, kindness, optimism, openness, hope, all of that good stuff that makes us feel alive and well and creates forward movement in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: But when we’re in the guilt zone and we are using this in our language, when we are taking it into our thoughts, into our energetic being, we vibrate on what Steve calls the lower end of the ladder.

SPEAKER_1: So the fear, the stress, the worry, the self-doubt. SPEAKER_1: Guilt is a hotbed for all of these things. SPEAKER_1: It’s a hotbed for depression and anxiety.

SPEAKER_1: There’s nothing good about it.

SPEAKER_1: But we use this word over and over and over again.

SPEAKER_1: I’m hoping that today, after this episode, if you’re one of those people, if you said today, oh my God, I felt so guilty when or I will feel so guilty if that up until now, that is a statement that you have used, and you will not choose to use those statements moving forward because they are not serving you well.

SPEAKER_1: No matter how guilty you have felt your entire life, you can break the guilt cycle.

SPEAKER_1: You can live lighter.
SPEAKER_1: You can live freer.
SPEAKER_1: You can be happier.
SPEAKER_1: You can feel that joy, that aliveness, and that’s what you’re here for.

SPEAKER_1: You’re not here to suffer.

SPEAKER_1: You’re here to live.

SPEAKER_1: You’re here to soar.

SPEAKER_1: You’re here to say, World, I am showing up for myself!

SPEAKER_1: And by the way, raising your hand and speaking up for what you need, want and deserve is no reason for you to ever feel badly about that at all.

SPEAKER_1: I have so many women that I’ve coached, and like I said in those initial conversations, when guilt comes up, when we really get to the root of it, they’re able to identify that as something else.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe it was a fear of being vulnerable, or fear of being hurt, or not realizing that they are enough exactly as they are.

SPEAKER_1: Guilt kind of masquerades as these different things, and once you get to the root of it and you understand it, you understand yourself better, you can do something about it, and that is powerful as shit.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to give you three tips to help you break the guilt cycle, as I promised.

SPEAKER_1: Grab your pen and your paper, because here they come.
SPEAKER_1: Number one, ask yourself, where did I learn how to feel guilt?
SPEAKER_1: Where did it come from?

SPEAKER_1: Number two, ask yourself, does that thing that I learned still belong here?

SPEAKER_1: And how is it adding to my life?
SPEAKER_1: Get really clear on that.
SPEAKER_1: How is guilt adding something good to your life?

SPEAKER_1: Where is it weighing you down?

SPEAKER_1: Get super clear, where did you learn it?

SPEAKER_1: Does it belong here?
SPEAKER_1: And how is it adding to your life?

SPEAKER_1: That last question, if you come up with a good answer about how guilt is helping you, I want you to send me a note, and I want to talk with you because I have never met a single person yet who has said, yeah, guilt is super additive in my life.

SPEAKER_1: It does all sorts of positive things.

SPEAKER_1: So if I’m seeing this wrong, if you’re an outlier and you can change my mind, I want to know, I want to meet you.

SPEAKER_1: All right, here’s the last one.
SPEAKER_1: We’ve talked about this before.
SPEAKER_1: The acronym PBA.
SPEAKER_1: It stands for pause, breathe, and assess.
SPEAKER_1: When the She Beast named Guilt comes to visit you and knocks on your door,  pause.

SPEAKER_1: Take a few breaths- easy breaths in and out. Then, assess.

SPEAKER_1: What am I really feeling right now?

SPEAKER_1: And as you understand that feeling, I invite you to change your language.

SPEAKER_1: Replace “I feel guilty” with the actual emotion that you are feeling.

SPEAKER_1: So maybe it’s, I feel tired, I feel frustrated, I feel like I didn’t quite get the things done that I wanted to do today, but that’s okay because there’s tomorrow and today I did enough.

SPEAKER_1: So that last one is really important to pause, breathe, and assess, and get in touch with what you’re really feeling because I can guarantee you that there’s something to replace that guilt.

SPEAKER_1: When you understand what it is, then change the language, swap the words, and begin to say that instead.

SPEAKER_1: Begin to say what you’re really feeling instead of just defaulting to the guilt button because it’s going to bite you in the ass every single time.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re ready to travel lighter and replace guilt with more joy, freedom, and self- love and you don’t know where to start, I would absolutely love to meet you.

SPEAKER_1: Head on over to my website, colebakerbagwell.com, and send me a note through my contact page: https://colebakerbagwell.com/contact/

SPEAKER_1: Let’s talk about what’s possible for your life.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s start traveling lighter, amazing ones.

SPEAKER_1: Until next week, be kind to yourself, travel light, and I’m sending you big, big, big love.

SPEAKER_1: Thanks for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.

SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website, colebakerbagwell.com.

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.