“I’m Fine” is a conditioned response and a mindset that’s negatively impacting your leadership capacity. Overwhelm and burnout aren’t new challenges, but in the AI era, they’ve been amplified by the relentless pace of change and a belief system we’ve been lugging around since 1985.
To quote the musical genius of Queen and David Bowie, “This is ourselves, under pressure.”
The Neural Replay of Inherited Beliefs
As GenX and early Millennial leaders, we were programmed with the “Rub Dirt On It” and move on mindset.
Resilience meant putting on a brave face, as we bit our quivering lips and cursed under our breaths.
- Falling out of a tree built character.
- Sucking it up equaled strength.
- Asking for help? The character defect that left us standing on the sidelines like lepers during recess.
While we watched our parents and first bosses come up with “all the answers”, our brains encoded a dangerous neural script:
ASKING FOR HELP = WEAKNESS.
Our inherited belief led to neural pathways and the mindset that prevents us from raising our hands, asking for help, and admitting we don’t have all the answers.
My Breaking Point: The “Expert” Trap
I had the tools. My God, I’d practiced mindfulness for decades! I was well-versed in neuroscience and cognitive science research. As busyness replaced practice, my “rub dirt on it and move on” mindset took the wheel.
Managing high-profile clients, leading strategy, and working 60-hour weeks, while attempting to spend quality time with my family led to crushing stress and cognitive overwhelm.
I believed asking for help would make me less credible.
I crashed under the weight of my long-held 1985 mindset hard coded in my brain—the one that made me believe I needed to have all the answers.
My title, experience, and knowledge made it harder for me to raise my hand—to admit that I was struggling and ask for help. After all, I was leading the strategy and the team and, I was Mom.
The Pivot: From Crisis to Capacity
My mindset landed me in the E.R.—grounded, unable to fly home. As my husband drove us home from D.C. to Raleigh, I finally got brave enough to get real with myself and give voice to the stress and overwhelm that landed me in criss mode.
I was not “fine”—far from it. I was mentally overloaded, physically maxed out, and scared as hell about what would come next.
I came clean with my family and my colleagues. I raised my hand and asked for the support I needed.
I expected a loss of credibility. What I experienced was a surge in capacity.
When I stopped pretending to always know the way forward and have all the answers, my family and team stepped in and stepped up. They didn’t see my vulnerability as a weakness. They saw it as a long awaited invitation to be an active part of the solution.
By admitting I didn’t have it all figured out, I created the conditions for them to speak up and support one another.
Vulnerability moved us from me being a single point of failure to becoming a badass, formidable, high-performing team.
The Science of “Raising Your Hand”
What happened next mirrored the research I’d studied for years.
When we stop “rubbing dirt on it” and voice our human truth, two things happen:
- We create the conditions for trust. Vulnerability creates high trust. According to research by Paul J. Zak (The Neuroscience of Trust, HBR), people at high-trust companies report 74% less stress and 50% higher productivity.
- People show up to help. We humans are biologically wired to help! Research from Dr. Jamil Zaki at the Stanford Social Neuroscience Laboratory shows we humans are “prosocial” by nature. Our brains find supporting others inherently rewarding.
The Invisible Chokehold
As leaders and parents, we shoulder the fear, uncertainty, and volatility because we learned as kids that we’re supposed to have all the answers. That mindset is a choke-hold.
It compromises your cognitive health, your leadership capacity, and prevents your team from showing up and honoring their biology.
Calm’s 2026 Executive Mental Health Study, reports a whopping 50% of leaders are feeling overwhelmed. (And those are the ones who admitted it.) We’re leading with 1980s neural patterns that were never going to help us realize our human best, much less navigate the complexity of our brave new world.
The Rebel Reset: Expanding Your Capacity
Rewiring old neural pathways requires consistent practice—a crucial ingredient for neuroplasticity and the very one I let fall by the wayside way back then.
If you’re ‘Under Pressure’ and ready to adopt a new mindset that will improve your leadership capacity, health, and your life, I’ve got two “Rebel Resets” you can start practicing this week:
- Speak Your Human Truth: In your next meeting, voice one win and one specific area where you’re feeling uncertain, overwhelmed, or maxed out.
- Ask A Human Question: Instead of asking “How is everyone?” (they’ll tell you the white lie), ask: “What feels energizing? What feels overwhelming right now? Where do you need insight from the team or support from me?”
Key Takeaways
Neuroplasticity simply means you can rewire your brain. When you model vulnerability as a leader (or parent), you build a high-trust, neuro-resilient team with a mindset that helps them thrive—under pressure.
Stop Drowning in “I’m Fine”
If you’ve a. mid-life leader who’s holding up all four tent poles solo, it’s time to put down those poles and rewire your neural script. I’ve hit that wall and I know the way out.
Let’s dismantle your 1985 mindset together. I’m here to help you build the mindset and neuro-resilience you need to lead like a rockstar in 2026 and beyond.
Kick off your reset. Book your discovery call.
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