How To Tame Your Mindset And Transform Your Life

by | May 29, 2024 | Podcasts


SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.

SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present, and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Imagine if you were perpetually stuck, constantly reliving the worst day of your life.

SPEAKER_1: Now, I’m talking about your most anxious, frustrating or stressful day, your most sad, heartbreaking or depressing day, your most angry, fearful or traumatic day, the day you felt most uncertain, alone or embarrassed.

SPEAKER_1: How would you feel about your life?

SPEAKER_1: If we were perpetually stuck reliving the worst days of our lives, it would be the most hopeless, groundhog day ever!

SPEAKER_1: We wouldn’t be able to heal, learn and grow, or ever have a shot at realizing our dreams and goals.

SPEAKER_1: What would be the point of opening our eyes or getting out of bed in the morning?

SPEAKER_1: Thankfully, this is not the case.
SPEAKER_1: We can choose how we think, feel and live every single minute of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Brain science has taught us that.

SPEAKER_1: So why do so many of us stay stuck in our cycles of chaos and stress, sadness, regret, loneliness, heartbreak, frustration, fear and anxiety, replaying the worst minutes and days over and over again in our minds?

SPEAKER_1: The short answer is this, mindset.

SPEAKER_1: This negative replay limits us and our potential because it affects the way we think, what we believe and how we feel about ourselves and the people and circumstances in our lives.

SPEAKER_1: The negative replay affects the choices we make and how we respond in every situation.

SPEAKER_1: The negative replay disrupts our ability to heal, learn and grow, and it stands between us realizing our personal and professional dreams and goals.

SPEAKER_1: Our mindset feeds the replay.

SPEAKER_1: Now, it can also create an entirely new story, one that empowers the ever loving shit out of us.

SPEAKER_1: We have that power.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a matter of choice.

SPEAKER_1: And that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, Amazing Ones!

SPEAKER_1: I am so damn glad that you are right here, right now.

SPEAKER_1: That means that you’ve chosen to make a super wise and powerful investment in yourself to explore what’s possible for you and your fabulous life.

SPEAKER_1: And that, my friends, is an act of curiosity, courage and self love.

SPEAKER_1: This week, we’re talking about the BIG M- mindset.
SPEAKER_1: We’re going to talk about the wild beast that it can be that keeps you stuck.

SPEAKER_1: We’re going to talk about how to tame your mindset and why spending your time and energy developing your mindset is absolutely freaky and essential to being your best, feeling your best and transforming your life.

SPEAKER_1: Buckle up, babes, here we go.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s kick things off with a little neuroscience.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the truth.

SPEAKER_1: We are never stuck.

SPEAKER_1: Neuroscience has proven that our brains are wired to change, grow, learn, expand, unfold, and it is a beautiful and powerful truth.

SPEAKER_1: We have the power to choose our mindset in every single moment.

SPEAKER_1: Mindset can be our greatest asset or our greatest liability.

SPEAKER_1: Either way, we get to choose.
SPEAKER_1: We are not stuck or static unless we choose to be stuck and static.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose to develop a mindset that supports our healing, our changing, our learning, and our growing, or we can choose to stay stuck in our worst days, our worst moments.

SPEAKER_1: Either way, it’s 100% up to us.

SPEAKER_1: And this is true from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose a mindset that allows us to fall in love after we’ve been jilted.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose a mindset when we’re facing an illness, preparing for a visit from family members, or getting ready to deliver that super big presentation.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose our mindset in childbirth.

SPEAKER_1: We can choose it if we’re switching careers, navigating a breakup, planning a vacation, or doing something as simple as making a daily errand list.

SPEAKER_1: We’re in charge of our mindset across every single dimension of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: We are never stuck, unless we choose to stay stuck.

SPEAKER_1: We can move from a mindset of fear to courage, from victim to victor, from pessimism to optimism, scarcity to abundance, from restlessness to contentment, from insecurity to confidence, from anger to joy, hate to love, stress, worry and drama to ease and flow, from blame to owning our own damn choices, from hustling and striving to finding balance in being, from time traveling to the past and future, to being present and awake to what is happening for us right now in this very moment.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness is a practice that helps us live into this beautiful truth, into the power that we have to transform our mindset and transform our lives.

SPEAKER_1: So let’s talk about mindset.
SPEAKER_1: Now, I looked up the word so we could all be on the same page, and here’s what I learned.

SPEAKER_1: Mindset is a habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations.

SPEAKER_1: It is also a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings, values and dispositions to act in certain ways.

SPEAKER_1: It is your way of thinking.
SPEAKER_1: I want to pause here and ask you a question.

SPEAKER_1: Where are you spending the most time, energy and money when it comes to looking and feeling your best?

SPEAKER_1: Are you spending time and energy on things like clothes and shoes, Botox or the gym?

SPEAKER_1: If you are, I get it.

SPEAKER_1: We all love to look good, myself included.

SPEAKER_1: And if we’re honest, most of us spend more time, money and energy on the optics of our well-being than on the source of our well-being, which is mindset.

SPEAKER_1: Now, investing in your mindset is the biggest return on your investment of time and energy that you can possibly get.

SPEAKER_1: And here’s why.

SPEAKER_1: When your mindset is wild and untamed, it becomes a liability that keeps you stuck in the past, in the swirl of stress, fear and worry about the future.

SPEAKER_1: An untamed mind causes you to miss opportunities.

SPEAKER_1: And unless you invest time and energy in understanding your mind and taming your mindset, you will never truly be or feel your best.

SPEAKER_1: You will miss out on the possibilities in your life.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s talk about how you can turn your mindset into your biggest asset with mindfulness, one of the most powerful practices we can ever learn as human beings.

SPEAKER_1: Now mindfulness can be confusing for a lot of people because it has been bastardized here in our Western world.

SPEAKER_1: It’s been made out to be something that’s out of reach and mysterious.
SPEAKER_1: And the truth is, there is nothing out of reach or mysterious about it.
SPEAKER_1: You don’t have to go to a special place to learn or practice mindfulness.
SPEAKER_1: You can practice anywhere, anytime, once you understand how it works.
SPEAKER_1: You don’t need to buy special outfits from Lululemon or join a gym or pay for it.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness is free and available to you 24-7, 365 days a year, if you choose to practice.

SPEAKER_1: Now here’s why mindfulness is such a game changer.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a personal practice with a super, super big reach.

SPEAKER_1: It’s a practice of observing your mind that gives you awareness about what’s happening right now for you.

SPEAKER_1: It gets you in touch with how you’re thinking, feeling, and responding to what’s happening within you and all around you.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness helps you tame your mind by observing your mind.

SPEAKER_1: It is the practice of slowing down with intention to observe your thoughts, your feelings, and the interplay between the two as if you’re watching them on a TV screen in front of you.

SPEAKER_1: And here’s the big key, to observe with curiosity and without judgment.

SPEAKER_1: Total game changer and vitally important.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness is a real life practice that helps you understand the factors that are driving your thoughts and feelings, your beliefs, your narratives, your experiences from the past, your fears and your concerns about the future.

SPEAKER_1: It is a right now practice that leads you to presence, and presence is practice.

SPEAKER_1: Now, sometimes the practice of mindfulness can be super messy.

SPEAKER_1: It can feel scary, and it can feel surprising.
SPEAKER_1: It can also feel extremely freaking empowering.

SPEAKER_1: And mindfulness helps to develop your intuition muscle, which makes your inner wisdom more accessible to you, to what you need, to what you want.

SPEAKER_1: The more you develop that muscle, it helps you trust yourself to take steps that get you to the right place.

SPEAKER_1: Tapping into your intuition is super powerful, and mindfulness helps us do that.

SPEAKER_1: Many of you may have heard about the bliss of mindfulness so I want to dig a little deeper into the messiness because that is something that is not talked about quite as much.

SPEAKER_1: Observing your mind and your feelings and then understanding your mind and your feelings, it takes courage because you’re digging into your inner self, and that can be so damn hard.

SPEAKER_1: Depending on how you were raised and what you have experienced across your life up until now, stuffing emotions down deep may have been your modus operandi.

SPEAKER_1: It may be your comfort zone.

SPEAKER_1: And when you practice mindfulness, you’re getting to know your mind and yourself in a much deeper and more intimate way.

SPEAKER_1: I think of taming our mindset a little like an Indiana Jones adventure.

SPEAKER_1: We’re going in deep without 100% certainty of what we’re going to find in search of the gold.

SPEAKER_1: We develop new awareness when we do that excavation, when we take that journey.

SPEAKER_1: And sometimes what we discover and uncover can make us aware of things we don’t want to know about ourselves.

SPEAKER_1: This is when it can feel really messy and scary.

SPEAKER_1: We stuff thoughts and feelings down deep, and I think of that like a box that’s just packed full and locked up so tightly.

SPEAKER_1: Whether we’re aware of it or not, every single thing in the box influences our mindset.

SPEAKER_1: When we practice mindfulness and we observe our thoughts, we can see what’s happening right now.

SPEAKER_1: We can unearth the stuff in the box.

SPEAKER_1: Now, sometimes we find judgment, old hurt, anger, fear that’s accumulated, and we never understood, challenged, or managed that stuff, and that can feel overwhelming.

SPEAKER_1: I think of these old thoughts and feelings like snakes guarding the gold.

SPEAKER_1: But when you meet the snakes with courage and you are present, you can ask yourself, where did this thought come from?

SPEAKER_1: Where did I learn this reaction?
SPEAKER_1: What do I want to do with this thought? How is this thought affecting the way that I’m feeling? And what can I learn in this moment about myself?

SPEAKER_1: This is your power.

SPEAKER_1: It is the point where you are in charge of your mindset, where you can replay the same old story of your worst day and stay stuck or create new thoughts and move forward and step into your fabulous life that is waiting for you.

SPEAKER_1: Now thoughts are interesting little suckers.

SPEAKER_1: They’re constructs that are created 100% by our minds.

SPEAKER_1: Dr. Frederic Luskin at Stanford University says the average person has somewhere around 60,000 thoughts a day.

SPEAKER_1: And 90% of those are repetitive!

SPEAKER_1: Many of those thoughts have carried over from our past- that could have been five minutes ago in the past or two decades in the past.

SPEAKER_1: The past is the past.

SPEAKER_1: When you practice observing your thoughts with intention, you can understand what your mind is creating and why.

SPEAKER_1: And then you can decide if you want to keep that thought or if you want to drop it off or replace it with something that would be more supportive and positive for you.

SPEAKER_1: This is mindfulness and this is how it helps shape your mindset.

SPEAKER_1: Mindfulness puts you in the power seat when it comes to taming that beast called your mind.

SPEAKER_1: Now, if you’re in a cycle of self-sabotage, it could be overeating, addiction, negative patterns, negative self-talk that harms you.

SPEAKER_1: You can break those patterns, and you can replace the negative words with self-love.

SPEAKER_1: If you have a mindset of judgment, you can develop a mindset of acceptance.

SPEAKER_1: If you observe that you have thoughts that are created by fear, when you practice mindfulness, you can challenge the fear.

SPEAKER_1: You can understand it, and you can even dismantle it.
SPEAKER_1: If you’re feeling stress and anxiety, you can get curious about where it’s coming from.

SPEAKER_1: You can gain fresh perspective that you may have been missing before, and you can make a choice that will help you think and feel more grounded and more calm.

SPEAKER_1: You can reset from victim mindset to victor mindset.

SPEAKER_1: To do any of these things, you have to have awareness about your mindset.

SPEAKER_1: What is it focused on right now?
SPEAKER_1: What are you thinking?
SPEAKER_1: What are you feeling?

SPEAKER_1: And why?

SPEAKER_1: Now, at the beginning of the episode, I mentioned that investing energy and time in your mindset will give you a bigger return on investment than most anything else you can do for yourself.

SPEAKER_1: If we connect the dots, here’s why that’s true.

SPEAKER_1: Your mindset determines every single decision that you make for yourself and for your life, from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Your mindset influences what you believe, what you believe you deserve, how you communicate, your energy and your overall health.

SPEAKER_1: When your mindset is wild and unhealthy, you will feel out of control and your health will suffer.

SPEAKER_1: When you invest time and energy in developing a mindset of clarity, you are in control of your life and everything about you gets healthier.

SPEAKER_1: So let’s talk about how to harness your power to develop a mindset of clarity and confidence, to tame your mind, so that it can support you to be your best, to heal, learn, grow, realize your dreams and goals, and live your most present and kick-ass life.

SPEAKER_1: Grab your pen, here we go.
SPEAKER_1: Number one, observe your thoughts over and over and over again.

SPEAKER_1: Notice the quality, pace, and nature of your thoughts.
SPEAKER_1: Notice the tense of your thoughts.
SPEAKER_1: Are they from the past?
SPEAKER_1: Are they future-oriented?
SPEAKER_1: Or are your thoughts really happening right here in this moment?

SPEAKER_1: And observe them just like you’re watching them on a screen in front of you.

SPEAKER_1: For my coaching clients who are new to mindfulness, I teach them to start practicing by closing their eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

SPEAKER_1: When our eyes are open, sometimes we can get distracted by whatever is in front of us, and that keeps us from connecting with what is going on in our mind.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re new to the practice, maybe this will support you as well.

SPEAKER_1: Start by closing your eyes, taking a few breaths, and watching what’s on the screen.

SPEAKER_1: Then ask yourself questions like, What am I thinking?

SPEAKER_1: What’s the origin of this thought?

SPEAKER_1: What do I want to do with what I can see right now?

SPEAKER_1: Remember, it’s your choice.

SPEAKER_1: Now, when you’re in observer mode, you are in control of your mindset, and a couple of really cool things happen here.

SPEAKER_1: As you observe, you are slowing down your thinking process.

SPEAKER_1: This limits reaction and heightens your ability to respond, and I will tell you right now that that makes everything better.

SPEAKER_1: Response is always better than reaction.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s an example.

SPEAKER_1: Think about the last time you were in a really superheated argument.

SPEAKER_1: How likely, in that moment, were you to say or do something that you might well regret later?

SPEAKER_1: Now, think about how slowing down in that same argument might have enabled you to hear the other side, to walk away, or speak up for what you need in a way that would have created something better for both of you.

SPEAKER_1: Observer mode also positions you to challenge or accept your thoughts, replay them, replace them, or let them go.

SPEAKER_1: Number two, observe how your thoughts influence how you feel.

SPEAKER_1: This is gold star level insight.

SPEAKER_1: This is called somatic awareness, the sensations that you feel in your body.

SPEAKER_1: A lot of times we miss those sensations.

SPEAKER_1: We are too busy stuck in our minds or stuck on our phones or social media or somewhere else worrying about what’s going to happen in the future or what has happened in the past, and we don’t even know what’s going on in our bodies and much less how that feeling is connected to our thoughts.

SPEAKER_1: And your body can give you so much information because your body and mind are constantly communicating with one another.

SPEAKER_1: When you’re practicing mindfulness, observing what’s going on right now for you in the present, you can pick up on those somatic clues much, much easier.

SPEAKER_1: For instance, if your mindset is stuck in judgment and self-criticism because you learned that as a child or somewhere in your early adulthood, start noticing how it feels in your body.

SPEAKER_1: How does it feel when you are coming from a place of judgment, when you are thinking judgmental or critical thoughts?

SPEAKER_1: This somatic awareness becomes like a little red flag letting you know, hey, there’s danger up ahead.

SPEAKER_1: Practicing mindfulness will help you flip your mindset from one that harms you to a mindset of calm clarity, its tamer, everything sort of taken down a notch, and from that place you can respond.

SPEAKER_1: And I’m going to give you a recent personal example.

SPEAKER_1: I was at my niece’s high school graduation, and it was this super hot day in Tennessee.

SPEAKER_1: The ceremony was outside at their football stadium.

SPEAKER_1: My family and I went on a mission to find some seats, which were in extremely short supply.

SPEAKER_1: And as we looked, I saw people saving seats with jackets, umbrellas, blankets and streamers.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, these things were stretched out across multiple rows of bleachers.

SPEAKER_1: And as I saw all of this empty space, and I knew that we needed a seat, I noticed that I started to feel irritated.

SPEAKER_1: My chest got tight.

SPEAKER_1: My mind started to feel like it was in a butter churn.

SPEAKER_1: And when I noticed that, it was my clue to pause and observe my mind.

SPEAKER_1: I recognized the feeling.

SPEAKER_1: I was thinking very judgmental thoughts about the people who were saving the seats.

SPEAKER_1: Now, judgment in my life is a no-go for me.

SPEAKER_1: It doesn’t create anything positive.

SPEAKER_1: By observing, I was able to challenge my mindset and replace my judgy thoughts about those seat savers who were stingy or greedy with the simple truth.

SPEAKER_1: They got here earlier than we did.

SPEAKER_1: They have a right to save seats for the people that they love.

SPEAKER_1: That mindset helped me enjoy the experience of the graduation so much more than being in that place of judgment, because that judgment would have fueled anger, frustration, and I would have missed the joy of my niece graduating from high school.

SPEAKER_1: All right, for the big finale, number three, and it’s a question, what else is also true for me right now?

SPEAKER_1: In the toughest moments, we have this curious little tendency to hyper focus on the negative, and this is also because of the way our brain is wired.

SPEAKER_1: From the dawn of time, our goal has been to protect ourselves and to survive.

SPEAKER_1: I have to wonder how mindfulness may have helped our earliest ancestors.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s the thing, even when we are in the most shitty, stressful, scary, hurtful or uncertain situations, we have the power to develop a positive, creative and supportive mindset.

SPEAKER_1: We can tame the beast.

SPEAKER_1: The question, what else is also true for me right now, is a diversion.

SPEAKER_1: It disrupts the cycle of thinking.

SPEAKER_1: It slows the process, and it’s one of my absolute favorites to explore with my coaching clients and for myself in my own life.

SPEAKER_1: And here’s a fresh off the press example.

SPEAKER_1: A super creative artist friend of mine called me, and they were panicking because they said they were absolutely devoid of any creative flow.

SPEAKER_1: They couldn’t find it anywhere.

SPEAKER_1: They were being reactive, not very mindful, and that sparked a mindset of panic in them.

SPEAKER_1: They said, I’m just so anxious.

SPEAKER_1: By the way, every creative person I have ever met experiences this lack of creative flow from time to time.

SPEAKER_1: And I know this, right?

SPEAKER_1: I experience it myself.

SPEAKER_1: So I asked them, how do you know you’re anxious?

SPEAKER_1: As we talked through what they were actually experiencing, here’s what they said.

SPEAKER_1: I have a free day off from work today.

SPEAKER_1: I wanted to spend it creating, but I don’t feel it, and I don’t know what to create.

SPEAKER_1: I repeated back to them what they told me.

SPEAKER_1: When I paused, my friend realized they didn’t feel anxious.

SPEAKER_1: What they actually felt was uncertain.

SPEAKER_1: Two very different things, two very different mindsets.

SPEAKER_1: Uncertainty was creating a feeling of anxiety in their mind and in their body.

SPEAKER_1: Cortisol was flowing, and as it hit the body, it created static on their mental TV screen.

SPEAKER_1: Now, once they got in touch with that awareness, I heard them take a sigh of relief.

SPEAKER_1: They were able to identify the origin story for the thought and the feeling, and that improved their mindset.

SPEAKER_1: This took a matter of minutes.
SPEAKER_1: And then I said, “Okay, I understand you’re feeling uncertain about what to create. I understand you’re feeling frustrated. Is that the same or different from anxiety?”

SPEAKER_1: Again, they realized those feelings were different from one another, and that realization improved their mindset.

SPEAKER_1: And then I asked, “What do you know about your creativity?”

SPEAKER_1: Because they slowed down their thinking process, they were able to recognize that they had in fact experienced plenty of creative droughts all across the years that eventually became floods of creativity.

SPEAKER_1: As their mind calmed down, they became present with what was real.

SPEAKER_1: The mind got tame and their mindset improved.
SPEAKER_1: Finally, I asked, “Aside from feeling uncertain, what else is true for you right now?”

SPEAKER_1: The magic question.

SPEAKER_1: A few minutes later, they recognized that because they had had a day off from work, they had the freedom to choose how they spent that day.

SPEAKER_1: They realized they had friends to share the day with.

SPEAKER_1: They were healthy.

SPEAKER_1: They had a safe home.

SPEAKER_1: They had enough food in their refrigerator.

SPEAKER_1: They had money to do something that they wanted to do that would bring them joy that day.

SPEAKER_1: And all of that led to gratitude, and that gratitude completely changed their mindset.

SPEAKER_1: The initial I’m anxious message created an untamed mindset that was harmful to them.

SPEAKER_1: But when they slowed down, they observed their thoughts, and they took a few minutes to understand what they were thinking and why.

SPEAKER_1: Then they focused their awareness on what else was also true for them, their mindset, thoughts, and feelings improved.

SPEAKER_1: The conversation spanned less than 15 minutes.
SPEAKER_1: So the moral to this story is that no matter where you are right now, no matter what you

are navigating, you have the power to change your mindset, and that will determine how you navigate whatever it is that you are experiencing in this moment.

SPEAKER_1: Your mindset will help you become a magnet for other people and amazing things in your life, or it can be a repellent, and that choice is up to you.

SPEAKER_1: So now it’s time to reframe our key points from today.

SPEAKER_1: Number one. We’re never stuck.

SPEAKER_1: Neuroscience has proven that our brains are not fixed, and that is a beautiful truth.

SPEAKER_1: We have the power to heal, to learn, and to grow every single day of our lives.

SPEAKER_1: Number two. Mindset can be your greatest asset or your greatest liability.

SPEAKER_1: Either way, the choice is yours.

SPEAKER_1: Number three, investing energy and time in your mindset is a total life game changer.

SPEAKER_1: It transforms everything because it transforms the choices that we make.

SPEAKER_1: It determines how you think, feel, and how you live this fabulous thing called life.

SPEAKER_1: Thanks again for being here today.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re ready to team your mindset and transform your life, head to the contact form on my website,

SPEAKER_1: Send me a little note.
SPEAKER_1: Let’s explore what’s possible for you together.
SPEAKER_1: Before we part today, I want you to remember this.
SPEAKER_1: There’s only one you.
SPEAKER_1: And in case no one’s told you yet today, that’s what makes you simply amazing.

SPEAKER_1: Big love, babes.
SPEAKER_1: I’ll see you next week.
SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody.
SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.

SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in!

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website,

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

BIG THANKS to the team at Stanford and beyond for their research!

Suggested reading: How to Unfuck Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life

Cole Baker-Bagwell

Master Certified Professional Coach

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