I’m a recovering drama addict.
I grew up in North Carolina in the 70’s. Our phone was connected to the wall with a chord. We only had three TV channels that went off air at 11PM. In spite of our limited technology, drama came naturally for me. You see, Southern women have long been known for making strong tea and spilling it all over the table.
There was always some kind of drama brewing in my animated and curious family. And we honored our Southern roots by sharing it far and wide with our closest friends.
Mundane events like a strange car in a neighbor’s driveway, a friend politely declining an invitation to play bridge, or being cut off while trying to pull the family station wagon into the parking lot at the supermarket became the topics of rich conversation, healthy doses of speculation, and drama.
The drama became more fantastical and distressing by the end of every conversation.
I hid around the corner as a little girl to eavesdrop on the adults to hear how the drama would unfold. I was captivated as the strange car in the neighbor’s driveway turned into an affair or attempted robbery. The friend who declined the invitation became the victim of a botched facelift. The misunderstanding in the supermarket parking lot turned into a full on fiasco.
I learned how to spin up and get spun up.
Drama was a normal part of my childhood. I was a full on drama queen by the time I hit puberty. What I didn’t know back then was this. My addiction to drama had already started.
Drama shaped my language, thinking, and my closest relationships. Being in the know made me feel included and alive. Co-conspiring gave me a sense of belonging. Being able to “fix” the drama made me feel like an intelligent, important and valued part of my little community.
I thrived on drama then, I started to crave it.
I chose high drama intimate relationships that were stressful and damaging. I procrastinated in college and felt exhilarated by the drama of having to pull all nighters. I hung out with girls who were perpetually stressed and secretly dating each other’s boyfriends to feel like I belonged.
I kept my out out for anything and everything that could keep me amped up and stressed out. I didn’t want to feel calm or centered. It was unfamiliar. The anticipation of something going off the rails made me feel alive and weirdly comforted. That’s when I knew that I was addicted.
Drama was taking over my life and it was disruptive. I didn’t like how I felt or thought. I knew I had to take action. Understanding how my brain worked was the first step in my recovery.
Science helped me understand why drama is addictive.
- Early exposure to drama as a child set my stage.
- Drama is a stressor that maps our brain to cause and effect.
- Stress creates cortisol and dopamine that our brains get addicted to over time
- Drama is a habit and like all habits, we can break them.
Drama and stress are pervasive and easy to miss.
From the 2024 Election to the wars overseas, our hyper connected world is dripping with drama. It’s hitting our phones, social media, and the radio airwaves in real time- as the drama is unfolding.
Of course this has all become second nature for most of us. We get addicted to drama and stress without knowing it.
Media punctuates the drama with inflammatory and divisive language that elevates our stress levels and causes us to take sides, get angry, and stay tuned in for more of the same.
Why should you care?
Drama and stress create cortisol and dopamine that negatively impact your brain, body, behavior, and mindset. And these hormones and neurotransmitters are addictive. Very Well Health says,” Dopamine’s role in reward and motivation is a key aspect of addiction.”
When cortisol and dopamine are excessive. we suffer from symptoms like inflammation, insomnia, damage to our gut biome and mood alterations like anxiety, depression, aggressiveness, and impulsivity.
Addiction to drama and stress causes us to become unwell and unable to regulate mindset and our emotions.
How to know if you’re addicted to drama.
Our individual tolerance for drama and stress will be different because of factors like how we’re raised, our sensitivity to drama and stress, our level of exposure, and coping skills.
That said, there are common denominators that can help you begin to understand whether or not you are addicted to drama and stress.
- Dooms scrolling social media is your go to choice whenever you have down time.
- You binge watch inflammatory news loops even when you feel stressed out, agitated, or angry
- Your closest relationships are filled with drama
- Drama is the focus of your conversations with yourself, your friends, family, and/or co-workers
- You look forward to confrontation, even as a bystander
- You feel weirdly alive when drama is high
Here are three things you can do to start your “drama recovery” shift your mindset, and live a healthier and happier life:
- Develop awareness. Notice when you’re stoking or participating drama. Maybe it’s talking with a friend or family member who’s constantly spun up, exaggerating the worst, or always seems to be at the center of drama. Maybe it’s binge watching negative news, or dooms scrolling. ASK YOURSELF: What am I gaining from being involved? What am I losing by being involved? What else could I be doing right now?
- Notice how you feel. Irritability, distraction, impulsivity, difficulty breathing, muscle tension, concentrating and sleeping are all signs of stress. Getting in touch with how drama affects your body will help you understand when you’re in a stress inducing drama cycle. ASK YOURSELF: How is drama affecting my mood? How is it compromising my sleep, and energy? How is drama shaping my thoughts, words, and mindset?
- Give yourself space. Drama and stress are part of life. And, you can control how you choose to engage and respond. It takes 20-60 minutes for most people to re-bound and re-center after getting hit with a surge of stress inducing cortisol. Giving yourself space to level out and get grounded will help you think more clearly. Thinking clearly makes it easier to make supportive choices that will help you manage the drama and stress in your life, without getting pulled under.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES TO EXPAND YOUR KNOWLEDGE:
*Dear Reader: This blog post is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice. If you have questions about your health, please consult your healthcare provider or go to your nearest hospital for support.
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