Getting Out Of The Swirl And On With Your Life

by | Mar 19, 2024 | Podcasts


SPEAKER_1: You’re listening to She Grabs The Mic, and I’m your host, Cole Baker-Bagwell.

SPEAKER_1: Every week, we’ll explore what it means to be happy, present and whole.

SPEAKER_1: You’ll hear from courageous women who are kicking ass in their lives, and leave with actionable tips that you can apply to reset from toxicity, tune into your gold, and live powerfully from the bedroom to the boardroom.

SPEAKER_1: Right now, it’s time to grab your headphones, kick back and relax, and get ready to be inspired.

SPEAKER_1: Welcome, Amazing Ones! I am so stoked that you were here.

SPEAKER_1: Oh my god! It’s almost spring, and life is beautiful in this neck of the woods.

SPEAKER_1: I noticed the other day that the little crocuses are sticking their heads up out of the ground, and the daffodils are beginning to bloom.

SPEAKER_1: I even see these tiny little leaves on all of the plants that we put into the ground last year, and it just reminds me of the promise that every single day holds in our life, you know, the promise of beauty, the hope, the renewal that we can all experience.

SPEAKER_1: So I am tipping my hat today to Mother Nature, and super excited that you are here, because when you show up, it just warms my heart to know that you are on the other side of this conversation, this exploration of freakin’ unimaginable human potential.

SPEAKER_1: Because when you do show up, when you choose to tune in, you are courageously saying yes to yourself.

SPEAKER_1: You are saying yes to your life, and yes to the possibilities that are waiting for you.

SPEAKER_1: And that, my friends, is what empowerment is all about!

SPEAKER_1: The process of becoming stronger, clearer and more intentional is about stepping into the power in the agency that you have that every single one of us has to live fully in body, mind and soul, to be whole, to be well, to be clear about what we want, to feel freaking fierce.

SPEAKER_1: And it is a totally beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_1: So welcome, you have already done something great for yourself today, and I hope that you can recognize that.

SPEAKER_1: I’m super glad that you joined in.

SPEAKER_1: All right, let’s dive in.
SPEAKER_1: We’re going to be talking this week about something that I call getting out of “The Swirl.”

SPEAKER_1: It was inspired by a girlfriend of mine probably two years ago, and her name is Robin Nelson.

SPEAKER_1: We were having this conversation about the feeling a lot of women have in corporate America, or the feeling women have when they are just juggling so many things in their lives.

SPEAKER_1: And she dubbed it The Swirl, and it kind of stuck, and I absolutely love it, and I adopted it.

SPEAKER_1: So before we dive into getting out of “The Swirl” I have a few questions that I’d like to offer you.

SPEAKER_1: And, I’ll remind you that this is a no judgment zone.
SPEAKER_1: This community is safe.

SPEAKER_1: I invite you to show up for yourself with an open heart, with an open mind, and get super real as you answer the questions.

SPEAKER_1: Okay, when was the last time that you felt stressed, anxious, or afraid?

SPEAKER_1: How about the last time that you felt confused, busy, or overwhelmed?

SPEAKER_1: When was the last time you had trouble falling asleep or focusing because your mind was racing?

SPEAKER_1: How long has it been since you woke up in the middle of the night for the same reason?

SPEAKER_1: How often do you feel conflicted between the life you’re living right now and the one that you really want with all of your heart and soul?

SPEAKER_1: This is what I call being in the swirl.

SPEAKER_1: Now, the swirl is a state of being that creates inertia.

SPEAKER_1: Think of it like this giant tornado that just keeps pulling you down.

SPEAKER_1: And no matter how hard you try to climb up, it’s just sucking you in, sucking you down all the time.

SPEAKER_1: It obstructs the clarity, peace, and confidence that we need to be able to step into that agency and that power that we have to live our best lives.

SPEAKER_1: The swirl is this type of energy that can camp out in your emotional body, not just your

mental and physical body, but your emotional body as well.

SPEAKER_1: And when it does, it shows up in your physical body, manifesting as pain or you being unwell.

SPEAKER_1: It can even cause you to experience disease, which when you break that down, it is dis- ease.

SPEAKER_1: There’s this disconnection that you will experience from being in the swirl.

SPEAKER_1: From a mindset standpoint, it can feel like those monkeys that are wreaking havoc on your mind, that are robbing you of your creativity and the agency that you have to envision and create your best life.

SPEAKER_1: This week, my goal is to help you get out of the swirl so you can experience more clarity, peace, confidence, and rock your absolute best life.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s how this is going to roll.

SPEAKER_1: I’m going to break down a few of the personality categories, qualities and external factors that can cause you to get stuck in the swirl so that you can begin to understand why you’re swirling in the first place.

SPEAKER_1: And I’m going to offer you three micro coaching steps that you can start practicing in your own life right now, if it’s important to you, to get out of the swirl and step into the agency that you have to create your best life and improve your mental, physical and emotional health.

SPEAKER_1: All right, let’s talk about the four default categories.

SPEAKER_1: I have generated these from observing women that I know, love and coach, and they are women who tend to get stuck in the swirl and I’ve kind of broken them down into groups because I think this applies to so many of you that are listening today as well.

SPEAKER_1: Category one, the high achievers, my high achievers out there, I see you.

SPEAKER_1: The first thing to know about high achievers is when is a word that is very prominent in their life.

SPEAKER_1: When I do… or one day when I finish…

SPEAKER_1: That word is a very prominent word for them. SPEAKER_1: They tend to be very future looking.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve listened to the show, you know that I coach high achieving women.

SPEAKER_1: Before we move on, I want to clarify what I mean by the words high achieving, because maybe other people define this differently.

SPEAKER_1: For me, this has nothing to do with your title at work, or the clothes that you wear, the car that you drive, where you live, or how much you earn.

SPEAKER_1: High achievement is about who you are fundamentally as a person.

SPEAKER_1: It’s how you show up in the world because of the way that you are wired.

SPEAKER_1: Now, high achievers share lots of similarities, lots of qualities.

SPEAKER_1: They are energetic to beat the band.

SPEAKER_1: They are goal-oriented.

SPEAKER_1: These people are builders, innovators, and creators.

SPEAKER_1: They dream so freakin’ big.

SPEAKER_1: They thrive on challenges.

SPEAKER_1: They have fierce determination.

SPEAKER_1: They are wildly creative.

SPEAKER_1: High achievers find a way through whatever stands between them and their goals.

SPEAKER_1: They are laser focused on success.

SPEAKER_1: These are the people who get a lot of shit done.

SPEAKER_1: If you see yourself in any of these descriptors, if you’re nodding your head, here’s what I want you to know.

SPEAKER_1: Chances are you are a high achiever.
SPEAKER_1: Whether you have ever recognized it or not until now, it’s likely true.
SPEAKER_1: Here’s something else you need to know.
SPEAKER_1: There’s another side to these powerhouse high achievers.
SPEAKER_1: They are typically driven by an internal desire to succeed and an external system that rewards that.

SPEAKER_1: Many of the women I coach learned as children that the more that they did, the more they were celebrated, valued and seen.

SPEAKER_1: That external reward system was fueling and feeding the internal driver that they already had.

SPEAKER_1: These were the kids who sat in the front of the class.

SPEAKER_1: They were the first ones to raise their hand, and they were the entertainers, the ones who were constantly striving to earn straight A’s.

SPEAKER_1: High achievers get caught in the swirl of doing, anxiety, ambition, productivity, success and busyness.

SPEAKER_1: A lot of the things that make them successful in the first place also get them stuck in the swirl, because they have a tendency to overthink.

SPEAKER_1: They have a tendency to power through, press on and drive themselves into the ground.

SPEAKER_1: They will do at the expense of their mental, physical and emotional health, and this affects the quality of their life.

SPEAKER_1: But when high achievers learn how to harness these qualities and develop a supportive mindset and behaviors that go right along with it, they can be absolutely freaking fierce.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, unstoppable!
SPEAKER_1: And they can be healthy at the same time.

SPEAKER_1: When they are in that mindset space, oh my God, the world should just watch out because they’re going to change it in a second.

SPEAKER_1: Category two, worriers.
SPEAKER_1: All my worriers out there, I see you, I am holding you, I feel you.

SPEAKER_1: If is the prominent word in the language of worriers. SPEAKER_1: What if?
SPEAKER_1: I worry if.
SPEAKER_1: God bless them.

SPEAKER_1: These are people who find every single reason to stay up all night overthinking, pacing the halls, even when everything in their world is going well and right, even when all of the evidence shows them there is nothing at all to worry about.

SPEAKER_1: They worry.

SPEAKER_1: These people live in the swirl of constant uncertainty, fear, stress, anxiety and negativity.

SPEAKER_1: They worry about the small stuff and the big stuff, all the same.

SPEAKER_1: It could be illness or death.
SPEAKER_1: It could be their careers and their relationships.
SPEAKER_1: It could be money or acceptance.

SPEAKER_1: I’ve met women who worry about whether their child will get in a certain preschool.

SPEAKER_1: I have coached women who have, you know, kindergarten age children, and they’re already worrying about what college they will get into.

SPEAKER_1: The thing about worrying is, like the high achievers, they tend to live in the future of what if.

SPEAKER_1: And when they do, they take on the energy of that swirl.

SPEAKER_1: They become depleted.

SPEAKER_1: And sometimes these folks even can become depressed because worrying takes a lot of energy.

SPEAKER_1: Category 3, my ruminators.
SPEAKER_1: Hello, I see you.
SPEAKER_1: Should, could, and if only are prominent in the language of ruminators.

SPEAKER_1: I should have done this.
SPEAKER_1: I could have done that.
SPEAKER_1: If only I had made the other choice.

SPEAKER_1: These folks have a really, really, really hard time offering themselves grace or forgiving themselves if they make a mistake.

SPEAKER_1: They are constantly looking backward and dwelling on the past.

SPEAKER_1: They tend to experience a great deal of discontentment because they’re not here in this present moment.

SPEAKER_1: Now, as a reminder, the past is a time that no longer exists for any of us, except through the experience of it that we capture in our minds and we continue to iterate over time.

SPEAKER_1: The past is no longer real.

SPEAKER_1: So these ruminators who overthink and live in the past, they are focusing right there, and it prevents them from capturing the magic of the present moment, the time that we actually can affect, change and choose what happens in our life.

SPEAKER_1: That time is right now.

SPEAKER_1: Ruminators tend to live in the swirl of anxiety, stress, guilt, self-doubt, regret, and the Big J- Judgment.

SPEAKER_1: Category four, martyrs.

SPEAKER_1: I have so many of these women in my life that I love to pieces, and they drive me crazy sometimes.

SPEAKER_1: The language of martyrs is, I guess I will.

SPEAKER_1: I can, I can do it.
SPEAKER_1: Leave it to me.
SPEAKER_1: I always…

SPEAKER_1: These are the words and the phrases that are very prominent for my martyrs out there.

SPEAKER_1: Martyrs are people who are powered by worry, low trust, and in my observation, a need to control their world.

SPEAKER_1: They consistently take on the weight of everything and sacrifice their own well-being to satisfy the perceived needs of others.

SPEAKER_1: These folks will give until they drop.

SPEAKER_1: They are my well-intended smothers, the overachievers, the over-tenders, the people who say yes more than they say no, and they absolutely kill themselves as they show up to serve others.

SPEAKER_1: They do it with good intention, right?

SPEAKER_1: The interesting thing is this.

SPEAKER_1: With martyrs, ego is typically the factor that initially gets them caught in the swirl because they have a really tough time believing that the world will and can spin without them, without their hand in almost anything that is in their lives.

SPEAKER_1: Martyrs get caught in the swirl of ego, anger, resentment, doing, stress, and exhaustion.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s what I’ve learned.
SPEAKER_1: We all have a sprinkle and combo of each of these categories and qualities within us.

SPEAKER_1: Every single one of us does, right?

SPEAKER_1: What makes us different is what we choose to do with them.
SPEAKER_1: Do we let them keep us in the swirl?
SPEAKER_1: Or do we acknowledge them so that we can transcend them?
SPEAKER_1: Now, this is where my three foundational micro coaching steps come into play.

SPEAKER_1: Grab your pen and paper. Here we go.

SPEAKER_1: Step number one, recognize with kindness, curiosity, and without judgment.

SPEAKER_1: That’s very important.

SPEAKER_1: Without judgment, ask yourself, which of these categories do I live into the most at home?

SPEAKER_1: Which one is my default at work?

SPEAKER_1: What do I know about them and myself in these categories?

SPEAKER_1: How is the swirl affecting my mental, physical, and emotional health?

SPEAKER_1: Where do I feel it?

SPEAKER_1: How do I experience it?

SPEAKER_1: And how are these categories, these ways that I show up in the world adding to or detracting from my happiness, my clarity, my peace, and my confidence?

SPEAKER_1: By recognizing your go-to behaviors or personas, you can start to build the awareness

that can help you take the next two steps.

SPEAKER_1: Step number two, reset.

SPEAKER_1: There’s an upside to every one of these category personas.

SPEAKER_1: And you can find it by resetting from default mode in to choice mode.

SPEAKER_1: This may feel really, really hard, especially at first.

SPEAKER_1: Here’s why.

SPEAKER_1: Creating a new pattern of behavior requires consistent practice over time.

SPEAKER_1: You are learning something new, so there is a learning curve.

SPEAKER_1: Think about the last time that you tried to learn anything.

SPEAKER_1: Maybe it was a language, maybe it was a dance step, maybe it was how to play a musical instrument or a new recipe that you were trying out.

SPEAKER_1: You’re learning something new.

SPEAKER_1: It takes time, so be patient with yourself.

SPEAKER_1: From a scientific standpoint, our brains remember and respond to our default choices, which create our behavior.

SPEAKER_1: So the choices that you make build a well-traveled road.

SPEAKER_1: This is the metaphor that I like to use.
SPEAKER_1: When you’re in the swirl, the road is full of passengers and potholes.

SPEAKER_1: I mean, people are crashing all over the place.

SPEAKER_1: They are losing wheels.
SPEAKER_1: Hubcaps are flying off and like hitting the guard rails.
SPEAKER_1: People are having breakdowns everywhere.
SPEAKER_1: It’s GTA meets zombie apocalypse on these default roads that keep us stuck in the swirl.

SPEAKER_1: If you want to get off of that road and travel down a smoother one, what do you have to do?

SPEAKER_1: You have to learn the way.
SPEAKER_1: From a scientific standpoint, this is how it works with your brain.

SPEAKER_1: Every single time that you reset, think about it as laying down a paver on that new road that you want to travel.

SPEAKER_1: It takes time.
SPEAKER_1: Here are a few examples that can get you started.

SPEAKER_1: So if you are a high achiever, constantly focused on success, you can reset by pausing and asking yourself, what does success mean for me?

SPEAKER_1: Where did I learn that definition of success? SPEAKER_1: And what else could it mean for me now if I redefined it?

SPEAKER_1: If you are a worrier, constantly focused on the bottom falling out, you can reset by pausing and asking yourself questions like, what positive things could happen that I’m not even considering because I’m stuck in the swirl of worry?

SPEAKER_1: If I worried less about X, where can I create more energy in my life?

SPEAKER_1: See, there’s this counterpoint to all of these things.

SPEAKER_1: If you’re a martyr, you can disrupt your swirl by asking yourself, who else can I tag in to handle this thing right now?

SPEAKER_1: And by tagging them in, how could they have a chance to shine?
SPEAKER_1: How could they have a chance to rise to their potential?
SPEAKER_1: If I unburden myself and I share the responsibility, what’s possible for me?

SPEAKER_1: And then where do I want to turn the energy that I’m giving others back in to myself?

SPEAKER_1: What would be possible if I did that?

SPEAKER_1: There’s always an inverse counterpoint to explore if you are curious and courageous.

SPEAKER_1: Now, one of my favorite reset tools is connecting with how your body feels when you are, in this case, stuck in the swirl, and then using breathwork and awareness to hit the reset button.

SPEAKER_1: I talk a lot about this in episode four, which is called Tuning Into Your Body and Mind, The Co-Conspirators of Your Experience.

SPEAKER_1: If you haven’t listened, tee it up and follow this episode up with that one if you’re curious to learn more about how breath work comes into play.

SPEAKER_1: When I think about resetting, and getting out of the swirl there are so many possibilities, far too many to talk about right now, but I’ve given you a few to sort of give you an idea of how to hit that big red button.

SPEAKER_1: Finally, step three, rock on, rock on by disrupting your swirl cycle.

SPEAKER_1: And you can do this by applying what you learn from steps one and two, recognizing and resetting.

SPEAKER_1: Be really kind to yourself, because amazing ones, you will slip back into Swirl-Ville.

SPEAKER_1: I do it every single day.
SPEAKER_1: I mean, just for a second, right?
SPEAKER_1: I’ll think, uh-oh, I’m in the swirl right now.

SPEAKER_1: What do I need to get myself out of this?
SPEAKER_1: What I’ve learned is that intention and practice are the magic.

SPEAKER_1: It’s the key to getting yourself out so that you can rock on.

SPEAKER_1: You can rock on and be your best self and live your best life.

SPEAKER_1: I want you to remember a few things as we wrap up today.

SPEAKER_1: You are dynamic.
SPEAKER_1: We are dynamic beings.
SPEAKER_1: We are constantly changing and growing even when we don’t realize it.

SPEAKER_1: You are never stuck unless you allow yourself to be stuck.

SPEAKER_1: Hear me when I say that.
SPEAKER_1: You are never stuck unless you allow yourself to be stuck.

SPEAKER_1: You can blame your circumstances.
SPEAKER_1: You can blame other people in your life.
SPEAKER_1: But the truth of the matter is, there is always a way through.

SPEAKER_1: There are always possibilities.

SPEAKER_1: If you can get out of the swirl long enough, you can begin to recognize them and rock your life.

SPEAKER_1: And the last couple of things that I want to remind you about is something I’ve repeated so many times during this episode, and I will say it during every other one I’m sure that I record.

SPEAKER_1: You have agency over your mind, body and emotions, and that means that you have agency over your life.

SPEAKER_1: With clarity, peace and confidence, you can be the architect of the smoothest road of your best life if it’s important to you.

SPEAKER_1: You’ve got that power right now inside of you.

SPEAKER_1: So, if you’re ready to get out of the swirl and optimize your mindset and your health and get yourself to rocking your best life, head to my website,, and sign up for my free bi-weekly newsletter. When you do, you’ll get a free download of the e-book that I’ve written.

SPEAKER_1: And it is your Kickstart Guide to getting out of the swirl.
SPEAKER_1: Think of it as your map that will show you the new way to the new road.

SPEAKER_1: If you need support and you’ve been thinking about life coaching, I would absolutely love to meet you.

SPEAKER_1: I have space for you. I have space to support you, and I would love the opportunity.

SPEAKER_1: Head to my website,, but this time go to the contact form and tell me what’s on your mind.

SPEAKER_1: Let’s explore what’s possible for you.
SPEAKER_1: Together, I can help.
SPEAKER_1: Until next time, be kind to yourself and remember this.
SPEAKER_1: There’s only one you on this whole planet, in this whole universe, there is only one. SPEAKER_1: And in case no one’s told you yet today, that is what makes you amazing. SPEAKER_1: Here’s to getting out of the swirl.

SPEAKER_1: I’m sending you big love and I’ll see you next week. SPEAKER_1: And that’s the end of the show today, everybody. SPEAKER_1: I hope it has served you well.
SPEAKER_1: Thank you so much for tuning in.

SPEAKER_1: If you’ve liked what you’ve heard, please drop a review wherever you grab your favorite podcast.

SPEAKER_1: Please subscribe so you never miss an episode.
SPEAKER_1: And please be sure to share this podcast with another woman that you love.

SPEAKER_1: If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, check out my website,

SPEAKER_1: Until next time, remember to be super kind to yourself and do your very best to leave everyone and everything just a little bit better.

Cole Baker-Bagwell

Master Certified Professional Coach

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