Developing A Self Love Mindset By Recognizing Her Nemesis, Self Sabotage

by | Jan 22, 2024 | Mindfulness, Self Love

I coach women from all over the country. They come to me with unique goals, dreams, and experiences. But, there’s one thing that most of them have in common. They are practicing self sabotage in some form or another which is negatively impacting their mindset and their lives.

They don’t recognize this tendency until we start working together. They are unaware that their self sabotaging actions have deep roots in their mindset. And, it makes perfect sense because like so many of us, they learned self sabotage at a very young age. They developed the muscle for self deprecating thoughts and behaviors and it got stronger every time they flexed it. They did not learn self love. Consequently, wit never became part of their language, mindset, thought process, or actions.

Self sabotage can take many forms.

When it comes to low self esteem, self sabotage can sound like this: 

You’re not good enough. 

You’re not smart or talented enough.

You’re unloveable.

You don’t deserve to have a good time.

Why are you so stupid?

The mindset that fuels self sabotage negatively impacts our holistic being and the quality of our lives.

This mindset shapes the way we feel about ourselves. It governs the way we think and how we experience the people and events in our lives. We develop patterns of thinking and behavior from childhood, past relationships, and experiences. These patterns become ingrained and reflexive the more we practice them. Eventually, they become our norms. But, here’s the good news. We can change. We can grow. We can break our learned patterns and tendencies toward self sabotage.

Science had proven that we’re dynamic.

We can change and grow at any age and stage of life- if we choose to change and grow. I talked about this during Episode 16 of my podcast, She Grabs The Mic. And, I’m not the only one shining a light on this topic. In an article for Very Well Mind, Barbara Field (a mental health and women’s empowerment expert) said, “There are many reasons for self sabotage including low self image and low self esteem.”

We can transform our mindset to one of self love. 

As a professional life coach for women, I see this as massive opportunity. By learning how to transform our mindset to one of self love self esteem and self image increase. When we develop the muscle to love and value who we authentically are, our tendency to self sabotage decreases. This is a game changer when it comes to improving our mental health, physical health, and overall quality of life.

Self sabotage and self love are mindsets shift that influence every dimension life.

  • The relationship you have with yourself (your inner voice, self talk, and beliefs)
  • What you see when you look in the mirror
  • The quality of your relationships with other people
  • Your tendency to show up authentically as you are or show up to please
  • Your sex life- how you feel about your body, how you view sex
  • What you believe you deserve
  • What you tolerate and accept
  • How you prioritize and invest in your mental and physical health, your growth and happiness
  • What you say yes to, what you say no to
  • How confident you are when you make a decision and how mindful you are about why you’re making it
  • Whether or not you advocate for yourself at work
  • Your overall feeling of worth, peace and contentment
  • How successful you are at achieving your goals and dreams

Self love is unconditional love for yourself.

Self love is not about being conceited, selfish, or egotistical. Not at all. It’s having an awareness and appreciation of your 360 degree self- your strengths and weaknesses alike. It is loving and accepting all parts of yourself equally and compassionately. Self love is recognizing what you want and need to be happy and live well. This mindset allows us to be our best for ourselves and for the world. 

Mindset, health, and quality of life improve when you have a mindset of self love.

  • You know your worth. This increases your tendency to speak up and advocate for what you need, want and deserve.
  • Your inner self talk turns positive which improves the way you think and feel.
  • The choices you make originate from a place of honoring and loving who you truly are.

Self love is foundational to discovering your best and living your most kickass life.

When you use tools like coaching, mindfulness, and meditation to bring awareness to your thoughts, patterns, and beliefs, you can begin to understand when you’re practicing self sabotage, disrupt the pattern, and shift your mindset to self love.

Neuroscience has proven that we can change the way you think.

Every single one of us has the ability to change the way we think. Choice, knowledge, and practice are the differentiating elements. Even if you’ve been living in the dark lands of negativity, you can transform your mindset, habits and patterns into positive ones. You can grow at any age and stage of life.

Mindfulness is a tool that helps you recognize whether you are practicing self sabotage or self love.

Mindfulness is very simply the practice of observing what we are thinking and feeling. When we learn how to observe our minds, we can recognize when we are:

  • Practicing self judgement instead of compassion
  • Doubting or criticizing ourselves
  • Procrastinating in pursuit of perfection or fear of failure
  • Harboring self sabotage beliefs we learned from our past
  • Unconsciously blocking ourselves from realizing our potential and achieving our dreams and goals

Mindfulness is an act of self love. 

The scientific benefits of mindfulness are vast. I teach mindfulness to every woman I coach because it profoundly improves our mindset and overall quality of life. Mindfulness provides us with perspective. It helps us recognize when we have an opportunity to shift from self sabotage cycles to self love.

Three tips to help you shift your mindset from self sabotage to self love: 

#1. Take a personal inventory. Write a list of what you fear, criticize, judge, hide, or reject about yourself. Kindly ask yourself:

  • How is the way I feel about myself affecting my choices?
  • What would change if I accepted what I fear, criticize, judge, hide, and reject about myself?Get in touch with what you want and deserve. Think about your relationships, career, happiness, goals, and dreams. Ask yourself: What do I deserve to feel and experience? What do I want most for myself and why?

#2. Get mindful. When you notice negative self-talk or self-limiting beliefs, hit your mental pause button. Take 10-12 breaths. Kindly ask yourself:

  • Where did I learn this?
  • What words, thoughts, and beliefs can I offer myself right now that are more loving and supportive?

#3. Be patient and be consistent.

Changing your mindset takes time. Effort is Queen. Day by day, small mindful practices like observing your mind and feelings will lead you to the promised land.  This practice will help you recognize your self sabotage tendencies and in time, boost your self love. The more you practice, the easier it is to develop a mindset that is supportive, confident, and land most of all, loving. This is how you transform your life. 

If you’re ready to tame your mindset and transform your life, let’s talk. I’d love to meet you.

Cole Baker-Bagwell

Master Certified Professional Coach

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